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Crisis Point for my father - Page 2 - Carers UK Forum

Crisis Point for my father

Share information, support and advice on all aspects of caring.
I was thinking that perhaps if the District Nurse attends to do the sores, she can make a more detailed assessment of dad in a less obvious way than the doctor?
Will mention this to Leanne but it has already been mooted that he might be better with nurses 4x a day rather than Carers......just do not want to provoke him so he leaves key in door which really would mean having to break in. Frankly I do not think he would take pills for the nurse but agree they could at least monitor and see the sores which frankly appears to be self neglect by not having a shower....
Hi Helena

Reading your post about your dad's GP and decision making (non) reminded of when my mother forbade me to phone the GP about her possibly infected leg about 3 years ago.
My mother was in a lot of discomfort on and off with re currant cellulitus in her leg. My mother then lived 50 miles away from me. I said her leg was red and hot to touch around a sore area and could I phone her GP - she said no, I forbid you to and it will get better on it's own and in fact I hardly feel it.
When I left Mum's house, I was worried and phoned the GP anyway and said she did not want me to phone him. I thought he would be sympathetic with my dilemma but he said that as my mother disallowed me to phone, then she might also turn him away from the door. He refused to come out.
I then wrote a letter that day and faxed it to the GP's surgery for the GP and his partners attention.
I said how deeply concerned I was that the decision was taken to NOT see my mother and the possible eventual worsening of an 87 year old's health, that I couldn't keep an eye on 50 miles away. etc etc.
Two days later my brother visited from 200 miles away. He said that mum had not slept because of pain to her leg and I advised him to call out the on call GP - it was a Sunday, and not to tell Mum until he had let the GP into the sitting room.
This worked and he prescribed antibiotics. (My brother had already given painkillers)

A few days later, I received a letter back from my mother's GP and he said that looking back over the situation, he perhaps made too quick a judgement about my mother's decision, not taking onto account her age or her mental ability. (He would have received the on call Dr's account of his visit by then)

Since then, I decided that I would phone the GP behind my mother's back, if she did not agree with me and I would stay with her until the GP visited, so that I would know what he said.
I am such a big worrier, this was how I knew it was the only way to stop me worrying. I could also answer other questions that the GP might ask, to put the record straight, so to speak.

I wouldn't hesitate to write to GP and list the problems and a copy to the manger of the social workers team.

You have so many other dilemmas though with your dad, it is so, so difficult for you. I hope things turn around as soon as possible.

Caring is certainly so wearing as many a forum ite has written on this site.

take care

Thanks Christina - I do appreciate you replying. I do know it is a hard situation for all involved and that does improve the professionals.
Care Manager put care visits up to 3 visits a day now maybe 4. Just waiting to here. Everytime he refuses the tablets, they will ring the GP.. I do feel since the GP visited late Wednesday afternoon, that i need to give him time to get teams in place but I will chase.
Yes I had thought of writing to the Practice Manager.
The lady who does his shopping is going round today and she is very experienced with dementia and older people, so shall await her report. She too would not hesitate to call an ambulance but her reservation on Tuesday was that he was adamant he would not go.
I am my 77 year old husbands carer so cannot take on any more and I have for 4 months been phoning my father at 8am every day to remind him to eat and take his tablets. I have also been trying to get him paid professional help but he has kept insisting his friends like taking him to the GP at 8am when they work full time or going to the post office for him in their lunch hour! Frankly his friends have all dropped out because we were all only helping as a temp thing whilst he organised paid care. He is very mean with his money and I do not think wants to pay but the bottom line is he has no one to do it for him on a voluntary basis.
I am getting there and now the Social Worker is back in the loop so things are moving.
Sorry you had to go through all that with your mother. It is a sad world where GP's are so scared of being sued, they potentially let it overide their 'duty of care' to their patient but i do understand mental capacity fluid so I do have some sympathy for a young GP.