Crisis,need help, advice and support

[Freetoleave]

Yuk, BB!

Update: Mum is still in hospital on an elderly care ward. I met bedside with her neuro consultant and specialist nurse yesterday and the former said that Mum's 'impulsivity' is part of her neuro condition. " A balance is needed between her autonomy and safety." Yesterday she couldn't get out of bed because too dizzy and faint. She was in day room today, in wheelchair. So much for her "mobilising with 1 assistant"-she can barely stand when transferring from wheelchair -it was a lengthy and precarious business.

Consultant and nurse both note that she has already had one unsafe discharge from hospital. I'm due to go away for a couple of days. I have read the bumph etc but the actual stages of this charade are confusing. Best to make myself scarce while the hospital tussle with the problem of what to do? Or better to be more proactive and make a big fuss?

Any opinions/advice welcome.

[Chris From The Gulag]

Difficult call !

How much faith have you in said hospital staff following The Book when it comes to a potential discharge ?

The answer to that one is the answer you are seeking ?

Wrath ?

Optional ... logical thinking defeats anger every time ?

.... and that Book is your best ally.

An inbuilt check list ... all boxes ticked ?

The Book ?

https://www.nhs.uk/using-the-nhs/nhs-se ... -hospital/

[Freetoleave]

Thanks for the link,Chris.
It's definitely a complex discharge, not a routine one.
I've just found the Decision Support Tool from her last discharge meeting and, in my opinion, she now scores x5 high priority and 3 medium. (2 low, 2 none). Previously they scored her 2H, 2M, 3L and 4N
Should I be getting an independent nurse assessment/instructing solicitors?

[Chris From The Gulag]

Definately seek a second option ... I'll leave that aspect to others with upto date experience.

CHC / NHS Contuing Healthcare ... always hovering in the background.

That aspect is a " Must " BEFORE any discharge.

If you don't ask , you don't get ... even a " Might be a possibility here ? "

[bowlingbun]

DEFINITELY GO AWAY.

Then you cannot be relied upon to be there "just to..."

You know that mum is now in a safe place, and that there is nothing more, for the moment, you can do for her. This may well be the only time you can go away knowing that there is nothing more...
You are very tired, physically and emotionally. Go away and recharge your batteries.

Even in hospital, she is now so frail that she is still at risk of falling or hurting herself. You CANNOT protect her totally from this, wherever she is.

From your description of the care she needs in hospital, her future needs cannot be met at home.
It may be what she wants (isn't it what we all would want?) but it just isn't possible, her needs are simply too great.

Would you agree with that statement?

I was told that for my own mum, even a live in carer wouldn't be able to cope with mum, as she needed round the clock care, someone on duty all the time.

Once you accept this, then it's a choice, in theory, of care home or nursing home?

Again, it sounds like a nursing home is the only option left, if she can't even stand on her own, so no care home would take her.

Once you accept this, it's really just a choice between which nursing home?

That just leaves one question. Who will pay? Put that away in a drawer for the time being. That battle is for another day.

[Freetoleave]

Thanks so much, BB.
V helpful.
You're right. Shall follow your advice. I guess it is tricky in that Mum seems, in many ways, still to be compos mantis. She will blame me if I'm the one who points out the need for nursing home. But actually, its not my fault!

[bowlingbun]

Agreed.

Let the doctors and nurses take the "blame" they are paid to have broad shoulders!

[Freetoleave]

Right. So I wrote formally to the hospital via PALS and delivered letter by hand to the office just now.

Then I popped up to see Mum and delivered various bits of happy news.
She always looks extremely comfortable and content, propped up in bed in a pretty nightie reading yet another book.
A nursing assistant tried telling me how capable Mum had been earlier, sitting in chair,getting to commode without help etc so I was able to say "great" and point out how this proves how unpredictable her needs are because when I was there earlier ... etc.

I then explained to Mum that I'd written a letter, that we need all the facts,another assessment etc. I said we wouldn't let her end up anywhere horrid and went over again what the consultant said yesterday about impulsivity. It's not your fault Mum. She was perfectly happy with this.

Thanks for ongoing support. (I spelt compos mentis like a praying mantis earlier. Woops).

[bowlingbun]

Don't worry, we are not the Spelling Police.

I've just bought a second hand Hudl to use when it's not convenient to use my computer (eldest son is a shift worker) and didn't realise that it had predictive text!

Apologies to anyone who I have accidentally written garbage to!!

[MrsAverage]

My FIL ended up in a residential home, fully compos mentis , purely because his legs had got so frail he couldn't stand up any more. Sometimes the bodies just get too old. (Btw this was 15 years ago, now days he'd be sent home, told to stay still and have carers...all of which he'd ignore and keep falling )