Cracked! Taken my first diazapam....

[Scally]

Looking at some of the long names of mind-altering chemicals some of you guys take I'm glad that I just drink malt whisky for relaxation: at least it is keeping my countrymen in work.

[SheWolf]

Good point Scally, but please be careful. A glass or two now and then helps many people, but when it gets to the stage where someone is drinking a bottle of whisky a day, like my father used to, it's a terrible thing for everyone concerned. I'm glad my addiction is sugar, rather than alcohol, but that has caused a mouthful of expensive dental treatment - you just can't win really.

[SheWolf]

Jenny, how are things going with you and your MIL? Is she currently residing at 'Jenny's Hotel' or did you manage to settle her into a routine with the agency carers?

[Duncaring]

Hi Jenny
I know of Sheltered Housing in Glasgow where a one bed flat costs under £100,000. I have actually been in those flats and they are very nice. There is a concierge there during the working day. He calls up each resident every morning and checks they are all OK and if they need his help with anything. He lives in the house at the rear of the flats. There is a guest suite for visiting relatives or for emergencies. There is a "Common Room" and various events like coffee mornings and chaity events are held there. There is a Laundry Room and there is chatter there too. There are lifts and emergency cords. There is a local taxi company who transports residents to various places and outings. They still have their carers and district nurses going in. Seems to me to be a good place. PM me if you want details.
Duncaring

[Scally]

Yes, and Glasgow Council has some excellent care staff. I bump into them quite often in my job, and they are a jolly cheery bunch. Lots of older people live out their last years in sheltered housing with extra support according to need, and being in local neighbourhoods, the arrangement permits and encourages new friendships to form and old ones to be sustained. I would not be in a rush to bring her south - commuter caring sounds better. That said, I would be using the overnight bus, train or plane, I can't abide that long drive down the M6.

[jenny lucas]

Thank you both so much, but she doesn't want to be in Glasgow any more!

Right now, I've just arrived back with her here down south, and her flat is on the market, and I have got a 'reserve' on a rental flat that is as close to me as possible. Costs a fortune, but I hope she'll try it.

I don't know whether she will, and I don't know whether, even if she does, I can cope with having her so close. We'll see. I'll give it a go anyway, I owe her that much - as in, it's only fair to give it a chance. If I really can't cope, then I'm afraid I'll be in touch with her other son in the USA and basically say 'over to you, I can't do any more!'(I might then run away to live in Spain!!!!) .

But we'll see. I may settle to the new set up, and it may be perfectly doable after all, and if it does work, then great all round. I still 'dread' the idea that she could live for another ten years, and these last six months have at least taught me what my priorities are, and what I definitely cannot do (ie, have her live with me) but still not sure what I can do (ie, whether I can cope wth having her 'in my life' for the rest of her life....)(unless her life is a lot less than ten years....)(which I feel horrible saying, but in the end, it's her life or mine....it's that brutal alas....)

Thank you again everyone! Jenny (v. tired after driving down from Glasgow today - still , at least it was only six and a half hour drive - driving up the day before yesterday took nine hours as the M6 was closed and it was a nightmare!)

[SheWolf]

Well done Jenny, that sounds like progress to me! Renting sounds like a good option and even though it's expensive I guess that the sale proceeds will cover it for several years. Also, if your MIL needs to go into a home at some point it will be much easier if there is no property to sell.

Having your MIL live nearby you and seeing her regularly is certainly going to impact on your life, but hopefully nowhere near as much as having her live with you would. At least you will still have your own space and can drive away when it suits you, leaving her to enjoy her TV programmes while you get on with your own life. I'd recommend that you put agency carers in place right at the start, so she is under no illusion that you are to be her 24/7 carer, then hopefully you will have a few MIL free days each week, to enable you to keep your sanity.

Another plus for your MIL is that the weather is better down south.

[SheWolf]

Why not take heed of the advice you've often given to others? Walk away! ... Leadership is by example, not by advice based upon opinions, perceptions and theories.

Sussex, from what Jenny has said before, it seems that her MIL has nobody else in her life to care for her, or provide company, and consequently MIL has begun to rely on Jenny. I don't think Jenny wants to walk away completely, she just doesn't want to be her MIL's full time carer. At the moment the physical distances between their homes make the situation something of an all or nothing situation, as Jenny can't just pop over now and then, when a 6 hour drive is involved. However, if MIL moves down south, Jenny might be willing to provide care on a part time basis, supported by paid carers, which might be a good compromise.

I'm a bit puzzled by the "leadership" comment. I don't see Jenny as trying to be a leader, I think she just tries to help people who feel a bit downtrodden by caring, for whatever reasons.

[Scally]

I cant see why anyone would want to leave Glasgow, where we have free personal care and the best of company, for somewhere down south. Our weather is OK, well, at least we arent 5' under water and we always wear two sweaters and waterproof outers, plus Scarlett Johansson is planning on moving here from Paris because she reckons we are so cool LOL

[Scally]

"I do have a problem with people who offer advice based upon opinions as opposed to experience."
Hmm. I have never tried to , for example, put my head in a microwave oven, but my advice would be, based on pure opinion, that it is a silly idea. However, I would like to ask SussexRokx for his personal advice on this: should I , or should I not, stick my head in a microwave? Based on his personal experience, naturally, nothing else will suffice..