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Coping with the Hurt a Dementia Sufferer can Cause? - Page 2 - Carers UK Forum

Coping with the Hurt a Dementia Sufferer can Cause?

Share information, support and advice on all aspects of caring.
The Forum for the Altzheimers Society is called Talking Point and Pet is correct it does deal with all the different kinds of dementia. If I understand correctly, each case is different and it is very hard to predict the rate of decline. Some good factsheets too so worth checking out?
Thank you all:-)

There does seem to be a common substance to Mums behaviour, when she is left with a wet pad for five hours, despite having four calls a day.

Our Carers seems to think its ok to do an 11 o'clock lunch call and a 4:30 tea time call leaving Mum with five hours in-between calls.

I actually confronted them today, the excuse was NEW CLIENTS, which I almost screamed why are new clients getting a Loyal customers slot. And annual holidays..
Hello Stephen i know what you are going through
my mum has had dementia like your mother for over 10 years i like you am a carer
for my mother we do have like you carers who come 5 times a week
i know it is and can be very uppsetting but it is not your mother it is the illness
my mother allso at times gets very angry and at times says to me i hate you and swears at me
but then a hour or two later she says i do love you
i know it is at times very hard to deal with and i have at times broken down and cryed
but i have too be strong for my mothers sake and try to keep things togeather
i hope i have been of some support to you
if you ever just want to have a chat or a shoulder to cry on
just let me know
kind regards martin.
Hello Stephen, I remember very well the first time I got rudeness from my wife. I was devastated.

However, when I thought about what was happening at the time I decided it was caused by her embarrassment at the fact that I was cleaning the aftermath of her first episode of incontinence so I started to take such comments in my stride.

Like many people with dementia, my wife is losing her communication skills so emotional outbursts can be the only way to communicate some worry or whatever.

Maybe the chiropodist hurt your mum during a previous visit so it was that that was being communicated. I find that emotional responses from a person with dementia have to be interpreted like a whole new language!
Thank you Martin, Blue, Helena and Pet.

I've been reading a lot recently, also watching "The Restaurant that makes Mistakes" on Channel 4 has been an eye opener, a must watch for anyone caring for or living with someone who has Dementia.

I never understood the difference between Alzheimer's, Parkinson's and Dementia, but to realise they are all part of the same crippling disease and one of multiple classes of Dementia.

One thing I need to do is be stricter with Mums carers, only today one was stood huffing and puffing over Mum because she wanted to finish her last little bit of squash before they put her to bed. Not a big ask.

I have to stop viewing them as acquaintances but employees, a big ask for me as I like to get along with people.
I too have been watching The Restaurant That Makes Mistakes program. The lady with Progressive supranuclear palsy (PSP) I think has a form of what is known as Parkinson's Plus. Not everyone with Parkinson's disease will have dementia but some will.

How has your mother been getting on with you and her paid carers?

It can be a hard balance to strike between developing a good working relationship and a friendship between yourself and the carers for your mum, especially if they are in the house four times a day and you see them more than the other people you know or your friends. I know I missed not having the carers come after mum had died. I think you're doing a great job with your mum. By all means be friendly with your mother's carers but never forget they are there to provide a service for mum for which she is paying.
Thanks Rosemary,

Mum and I are fine, she does seem to be down at the moment, but her quality of life isn't the best. Bed to chair and back again, I do my best to keep her entertained and constantly re-assure her.

Mum is generally fine with the majority of the paid carers, but can be shouty at times, especially when they try to rush her on the commode. After three months I look at the rota and know what is going to be a good call, who is going to try to rush it through, turn up late etc..

The sad thing is, as per my posts over a year ago, my Sister who lives 5 minutes away, has now decided a one hour visit a fortnight is to much and now appears every three weeks. As usual unannounced and always on her lunch break or picking up the kids so she can't stay long.