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Considering being mums carer - Page 2 - Carers UK Forum

Considering being mums carer

Share information, support and advice on all aspects of caring.
Having cared for my mum for almost two years (she is now temporarily, according to her, in a care home) I would never encourage anyone to do so. We are a strong family, thank goodness, but we struggled and argued and fumed far more while mum was here than ever before. The stress told however and my husband is now receiving treatment following a heart attack and I have become distanced from all but my immediate family.
I feel guilty for putting her in a home but that fades away when I realise what we risked losing had she remained here. Expect to be brow-beaten, emotionally blackmailed and to doubt your own reasoning but don't give in. Once mum is settled you will have a far better relationship than if you let her take over your life because however much you say that won't happen it will.
I realise this is a very negative post and is obviously coloured by my own experiences but I know I am not alone in feeling this and only those who have cared can see the realities of the job.
I hope you can find a solution that enables you to feel happy with both your mum's care and your own everyday life.
Take care
Things have now changed.

Mum has now been diagnosed with Parkinsons disease.
Her symptoms, slight tremor, freezing of left leg/foot, shuffling when walking, slurring of speech at times, handwriting effected.

She has been put on medication, and is also having a CT scan in December to see if she has had a stroke or TIA.
She appears to of become incontinent too.

AT the moment she is in intermediate care in a reablement centre, what the final outcome will be after all assessments are done I really do not know.

Has anyone got any information etc.,
I just wanted to say that becoming a carer was the biggest mistake of my life. I would never recommend it to anyone. My life has been completely ruined and if I could go back and not do it, I would even if that meant my gran would be in a home.
We were told that our son would not live to see the age of 18. However he is now 30. Though we love him dearly constant 24/7 caring has destroyed my husband and I's health. Social work and Health Boards totally take us for granted meaning that we even have to provide his 24/7 care when he is in hospital. As Jenny says DON'T DO IT!!

Eun, your situation is the most heartbreaking of all - for while those with parent-carees can at least 'accept' that their parents should die before them, how can a parent think that of their child, however grievous their condition? There is an equally heartbreaking post elsewhere from The Prof who is 74, and sole carer for a highly disabled, blind, bedridden and helpless daughter who is now 46.....

How cruel life can be.

Kindest wishes to you (and fat - lot of good that does you....) - as ever, Jenny