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Confused! - Carers UK Forum


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When my mum was discharged from hospital, she had a full care package in place. Nice carers, but didn't really give any care as they just asked mum is they could do anything for her and mum being mum, said 'no thanks I'm fine'. Ok, but clearly she wasnt, as she can hardly do anything for herself due to oestoarthritus.
Mum fell, broke her hip, had it pinned and was dicharged again, an assessor came to assess her (unbeknown to us), asked her the many questions, as they do, mum, again, said she could manage, (this time she was even more immobile than before! But as she is,quote 'of sound mind', they took her word for it and ticked all the boxes...
This REALLY makes me angry,
1, why did they assess her without my knowledge and presence?,
2, Why not assess her walking, dressing, washing, cleaning etc, etc??
My brother and I, who both work full time and have families of our own, are now trying to care for mum as best as we can, but obviously not during the day, while we wait for yet ANOTHER assessment, this time, with us there...Grrrr Image
When my mujm was in hospital as she had dementia they kept her in for several months and then told me she was able to go home and live in her own as she could make herself a cup of tea and a sandwich. I got mum in a sheltered housing accomodation but after a week on her own with me going to her everyday and the warden keeping an eye on her etc,, she had an episode where she went back to square one and couldnt be left. I rang the social worker who got her back into the hospital as he knew she wasnt able to live on her own and told the hospital how could they possibly send her out to do just that. After mums meds were changed and settled down the social worker helped me find a lovely place in a care home and my mum was very happy there. Hospitals never really listen to you when it comes to sending a family member home especially if they live alone. They think we are trying to palm them off when we are only thinking of our loved ones safety. You will also have to tell your mum that she canot cope on her own and needs help. They dont like to admit it but they have to realise you cannot be there all the time. My hubby was the same.. he refused he needed help and aids to get him about but he learnt the hard way and now he realises he must take his meds and accept the help that is offered. I wish you good luck Val.
Val, the most likely problem is that your mum is scared that she'll be forced into residential care, and so effectively refuses help. The recent Panorama programme won't have helped, I should think. You need to talk to her to see that she does need help: but these days the authorities don't shove people into homes if they can help it.

As for the assessor, they don't have a lot of choice. If your mum says "I'm ok" they have to accept it: except they should have asked for details of the family to see if anyone supports your mum, and contacted you to check you're ok and able/willing to carry on with what you're doing.
To be honest, I think the assessments are a complete waste of time. We had one for my mam and dad (he has died since). The young girl who came said she was just new, which gace us a lot of confidence. At the time my nephew and his girlfriend would take over from me for 2/3 days to give me a rest. She spoke to all of us together and then my nephew at his house and me at mine. But because we said we were quite prepared to look after my parents she said there was nothing more she could do and just told us to read the package (I ended up with 3) and if anything changes just to ring up. As I had never had to deal with anything like that before I wasn't sure what they did. I presumed (being niave) that they would maybe visit once a month, or something, just to see how my parents were doing. The girl didn't instill any confidence in me that it would be helpful to call them if anything changes. There have been changes but I've never bothered ringing them. I've gotten more more done for my mam since my dad died.
Linda, the problem is that most people don't understand assessments: social services seek to do the minimum necessary to ensure someone is okay, and if family are willing to cover that, they see themselves as having no role. It's why it's really important to have a carers assessment that talks about needing regular breaks, having emergency plans in place and making sure that carers know that they need to make contact with social services if things change - they do not follow up.

Assessments are only useful if everyone understands what they are for, how they work, and how to get the best out of them.
I've had a similar experience with my mum, I have seen the assessment done by the long term care needs nurse, everything my mum answered was she was fine and could manage fine (despite being unable to walk more than 10yards without resting to catch her breath or being able to stand unaided for more than 2-3 mins). What makes me lol is the next of kin section is clearly states to contact the next of kin and the box has been ticked as yes, well i'm her next of kin and I haven't been called Image Mum doesn't ask anyone for help no matter who it is, other than me, I have put my foot down due to it affecting my health and family, my brother came up to support me in the conversation with mum, it was upsetting for her at first (and me in a strange way) but I hope that we have turned a corner.
At the mo now we are in the process of looking at warden controlled accomodation so when that goes ahead we will changing mum's gp and long term care nurse to our own gp's where I know they are much better