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Stubborn and very trying at bedtimes -Carers UK Forum

Stubborn and very trying at bedtimes

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Hi everyone my mum is suffering vascular dementia, I am her full time career, just wondering if anyone else who cares for a dementia person has a lot of trouble at bedtimes also mum been very stubborn, in the mornings when I call her to get up she won't it is normally a task that can take up to 45 mins, please any ideas x
What is the 'trouble'? Is Mum refusing to go to bed and get up when you want her to or is she doing something like fighting you off when you want to help her into her nightie for example?
Oh Carol, if I had a £1 for every time someone asks this question I'd be a rich woman indeed :shock:

It is an extremely common problem - especially at bedtimes. With dementia there is a common problem called "sundowning" (more here https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/site/scri ... viceID=204)

When my Mum was alive I found that there was little point in 'insisting' she went to bed before she was ready, as she'd only get up again ! I did find that changing my own body clock to match hers worked better, and providing she was safe and couldn't wander outside I'd let her potter around - eventually she would put herself to bed albeit, at times, fully dressed after having packed a suitcase to 'go home' :roll:

As for getting her up in the morning - well, unless we had an early Doctor's appointment I never did push her as it gave me an hour or so's peace in the morning to get various jobs done.
Maybe this would be a good time to update mum's needs assessment, and your carer's assessment, with Social Services? They might be able to arrange for a carer/nurse to get mum up, and put her to bed. Sometimes a uniform is very effective! Are you claiming Attendance Allowance for her? Did you know she was now exempt from Council tax on the grounds of severe mental impairment?
As Susie said, it is indeed a very common problem, as is being stubborn, and much more besides, including the wanting to "go home" issue. I too have adjusted my body clock to fit in with what Mum does, and this often means I don't get to sleep until the early hours.
Thank you for replys, we seem to have sorted the night routine now and she is going to bed at a reasonable time, I think the mornings are trying as much as I'm trying to keep in routine as it helps mum, but we are getting there. :)
What has worked for me in the past and since has been to take my watch off and stop looking at the clock. I used to get more stressed knowing how long a task was taking but with being mum's full time carer without a job or other people to look after I realised we had as long as it took to do whatever needed to be done.

When I was watching time that added to my pressure and stress.

It may only be a small thing but if it helps reduce your tension it's as good as your mum doing things a bit better.
You have to bite the bullet that caring is now your 'job' and not something you fit in around your real life. It IS your real life now. Just like when you have a baby/toddler, you can't do 'anything else' while simultaneously caring for them. Caring mops up all the time in your life, and you either accept that, or don't do it.......

The best one can do is to grab the 'bits and pieces' of spare time when the caree is asleep, etc. Hard to predict though.