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Caring for the Carers - Page 2 -Carers UK Forum

Caring for the Carers

Share information, support and advice on all aspects of caring.
I agree with all you've said Frandrake.Nobody cares about we Carers health.We are expected to keep going regardless.I have recently been diagnosed with Cervical Spondolosis.It's being treated with painkillers 3 times per day.At the moment it's not too bad and managable.But i'm wondering what it will be like later in life.I know there's an operation i could have but thats the last resort when all else fails.Who'd look after me if i did have to go for an op.The wife would have to go in to care.Lets hope it never gets worse.Getting to the point Carer's are forgotten about healthwise we are expected to carry on regardless.
Our GPs will not come out to a caree unless they are too ill to go to the surgery. No way would they come out to a carer - they do not even have any special appointment arrangements.

I have had it up to here Image with the surgery to the point that I am looking to change, but there is no chance Dad will, so I am stuck with them.

I sympathise with you Cotula
I agree with EVERYONE on here, although, our surgery is good, excellent in fact and one doctor in particular, but I've not asked about home visits yet........so not sure how that might fall.

As for all that frank is going thru, I think we all feel like that at times. I have become registered disabled because of the 26 yrs I have been caring for my husband, its not entirely his fault but because of lifting, and anguish, hard times and me doing things that others in hospital would have other help for, my physical health has suffered, not to mention my mental state!!! should I go there? probably not LOL I am not very good at tolerating mistakes, those that are in 'proffessional' fields of "care" [and get paid for it and have been 'qualified' to do so] I do not tolerate their incompetance [sp] anymore.......I seem to always be on a short fuse with them. I also believe strongly that when they go for this kind of job [and lets just face it, its a job, it cannot be a CAREER like it used to be, surely not? not the way they do it!!!] I think they get proffessional earplugs, part of their brains removed, and seem to get a speech and memory loss inpendament......
thats my humble experience, not a good one huh Image
Sorry to read you are low, i get the same feelings. at least I have my dad and we care for Mum together otherwise god knows how we would cope. I also send a hug plus a smile too hope it helps . Image (((((((HUG))))))))
Sue, I know how you feel. I have been a Carer for 23 years, although was able to work till 13 years ago.

Earlier this year my husband had a letter from Social Services saying that I had raised my voice on the phone to them,and they were only trying to do their job!I remember the occasion, and I apologised as I was getting louder, I could feel myself getting tense and cross. After putting the phone down from her, I was in a terrible state, crying my eyes out, just feeling like I couldn't get anywhere.

Before having to become reliant on support from Social Services, I was a very shy person.Quite happy to listen to others, and just get on with a quiet little life. I never lost my temper.(I wasn't Pollyanna,always looking on the bright side, just felt there was nothing to get angry about) Now I feel angry all the time, and it devastates me how much my personality has changed for the worse.
Sue, I know how you feel. I have been a Carer for 23 years, although was able to work till 13 years ago.

Earlier this year my husband had a letter from Social Services saying that I had raised my voice on the phone to them,and they were only trying to do their job!I remember the occasion, and I apologised as I was getting louder, I could feel myself getting tense and cross. After putting the phone down from her, I was in a terrible state, crying my eyes out, just feeling like I couldn't get anywhere.

Before having to become reliant on support from Social Services, I was a very shy person.Quite happy to listen to others, and just get on with a quiet little life. I never lost my temper.(I wasn't Pollyanna,always looking on the bright side, just felt there was nothing to get angry about) Now I feel angry all the time, and it devastates me how much my personality has changed for the worse.
I Know how you Feel Daisey.It get's very frustrating.I'm like you flying off the handle if i can't get the desired results from em.Lets face it thats sometimes the only way to make em understand.
Lazydaisy - personality changes????????? Oh, yes!!! Going from a calm-ish type of person (although a little impatient, I'll confess) to an angry, depressed, fed-up with life type person. I try, it's really hard though, to put a smile on my face, I'm sure hubby's fed up with me being miserable most of the time. He does understand how I feel, but like all the others, expects me to just continue as normal ('take deep breaths', 'go slower', 'take your time' type of comment). If I were a paid Personal Assistant, I could just say, can't do this anymore, getting too tired, feeling not very well today, going home.......... And yes, we do have 24 hour PAs, BUT they don't do it all, as I've said many a time. And as for being on a short fuse when even the simplest of jobs become a mountain to climb, well that happens constantly. I'm sorry you were in tears, Daisy, after the phone call, I BET THE LADY ON THE OTHER END OF THE PHONE FROM THE SS .........W A S N ' T!!!! She should have been apologising to YOU, not the other way round. Goodness sake. I just wish in all the world that these 'professionals at the end of the phone' etc. could just come and spend 24 hours in our homes, without us lot there, just completely on their own. Getting up, hoisting, pulling trousers on so that they sit straight without creases, urine bags, positioning in bed, adjusting and re-adjusting jumping legs and shifting pillows, in and out of the car (loved one AND wheelchair etc.). . . . and then there's the housework, shopping, ironing, drink making for loved ones, maintenance of house etc. ALL ON THEIR OWN. They wouldn't be able to do it, I'm sure, or if they could - would be exhausted at the end of it. Not just about 'caring' is it? OOOOOOOh, I wish, I really do.
Hubby asked the question this morning, if I could give our PA a hand with the car transfers when we go out shopping later, because she'd done her back in. And, instead of disappearing to fetch the Christmas tree, could I stay at home whilst he was getting up, in case she needed some help. SO I DID. And then I thought, if we're on our own (PAs sick or on hols etc.) and MY back goes, or my knee, WHO GIVES ME A HAND?
All the praise in the world about how wonderful we are to do what we do doesn't make any difference when the chips are really down. When we've just about had enough and it seems like life couldn't get any worse, something always comes along to disprove that theory Image

On my 'misery' days all I can ask myself is 'why me ?' and then self pity takes over. Doesn't do me any good, 'cos it makes me feel ill and doesn't do my Caree any good either 'cos knowing I'm miserable makes them miserable too Image Image

At least I know I'm not alone with these feelings and I know I can let it all out here with others who are dealing with the same and worse situations than mine. So to all Carers having a bad day I say go ahead have a good cry, shout, rant, kick the cat (figuratively speaking Image ) and generally let it all out - we have nothing to lose but our sanity Image Image Image
You are spot on Susieq.
Bluebird