Caring for someone who's caring for kids

[daddymike]

Does anyone else have the situation where the person they are caring for, is responsible for caring for 2 young children whilst you're not around?

If like me, you do... then do you worry about their ability, or whether you should put that responsibility on them?

At what point would you say you would need to consider getting outside help in regularly?

And... what help is available?.. as I understand it, theres a black hole where you have a disabled parent who needs assistance in that respect... or maybe I've missed something which would really help!!

Any insights or personal experiences would really help!

[Scally]

Great post ... a real conundrum. I'm looking forward to the replies, this is a very good start to what could be a fascinating thread.

[charles47]

Local authorities are supposed to have strategies in place to help disabled parents to meet their parental responsibilities. Depends on the circumstances (eligibility again) and there are usually differences of opinion as to whether it comes under children's or adult's services. In our area it comes under adult's services.

[Eun]

I am a disabled parent of a severely disabled son (aged 25) and the solution is I just have to get on with it there is no extra help.

Eun

[Lazydaisy]

snap, Eun.
When my husband's sight suddenly went,within 24 hours I had a chest infection(never had one in my life before),and the GP told me to stay in bed. We phoned the junior school, where the three children were, to ask if they could use the bus temporarily(the bus passed our house every morning and afternoon,and at that time only carried three children in all,although capable of carrying 12 I believe). We were told no, as I was still employed at that time, and our children were not classed as being "needy".
Education authority also said no help available,at which point I gave up and took them to school every day,and picked them up.I was too ill to fight.

[Scally]

.I was too ill to fight.

I dont fight. I negotiate from a position of strength. Its less stressful and much more effective. btw, there is always more help. Always, without exception. You just need to learn how to ask, and if at first you dont succeed, try, try and try again.

[philippa_150712]

I dont fight. I negotiate from a position of strength.

Well lucky you

Its less stressful

Not necessarily true..sometimes when you are only just about coping with your day to day (and night) responsibilities a battle with the powers that be is a battle too many

[Scally]

I dont fight. I negotiate from a position of strength.

Well lucky you

Its less stressful

Not necessarily true..sometimes when you are only just about coping with your day to day (and night) responsibilities a battle with the powers that be is a battle too many

Well, er, quite. So if your conflict resolution strategy isnt working, and the day to day tactics stress you out: why not change them both? Believe me, I do know where you're coming from...

(But then I discovered Dianetics, tee hee!!!)

[Scally]

I am a disabled parent of a severely disabled son (aged 25) and the solution is I just have to get on with it there is no extra help.

Eun

There is always extra help Eun. Maybe you just didnt know how to ask for it the right way?

Your son - I think - has much higher care needs than mine, but at first sight my son appears to receive a better support package. This isn't about locality: I know your area well, it has very similar socio-economic characteristics and demographics to mine, and both have some excellent services.
So whats the difference?
I can guess that it's all about having a clear vision and plan, always being positive, having ambition, knowing what you want, and moving the pawns across the board in the right order.

[Guest]

But Eun does already get help, carers and respite, and she shares the care with her husband .