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Caring for a Partner Blues - Page 2 - Carers UK Forum

Caring for a Partner Blues

Share information, support and advice on all aspects of caring.
I'm there with you Stacey, being the only person in the house able to do these things. It gets wearing having to try and fit everything around looking after your caree day after day, as well as going to work and trying to have some semblance of a life. It means that when something unexpected happens, like the mower breaking, you don't have the extra physical and emotional resources to cope with it. I really sympathise, not that that helps much. Sometimes you just want someone to turn up on your doorstep who will take on the responsibility for you! Sending you a big hug.
Take care.
Jo x
I think I too could have written this post and I don't even have a partner! In my own flat I seem to be able to cope with things (more or less) but at my mum's house, it seems that the whole house is falling down around our ears and I am supposed to fix things. I haven't a clue and somehow resent that I am supposed to be able to do it. I too have a problem with lights and don't get me started on her new loo seat. It took me an hour of half balancing it on my head because of the lack of hands and then I dropped one of the screws down the loo. I then snap at my mum and she feels guilty. My friends tell me that some jobs are blue jobs and others are pink jobs. Well, in my mum's house every job is my job and they are not colour-coded! I know I am preaching to the converted but just sometimes it would be nice if there was someone else who could be responsible for her house, her medication, her appointments, her happiness . . .. Hugs to all and if you find a good "fixer", send them my way . . .. If they can do tiling as well, I might even marry them Image
Oh my, it looks like I am in good company.

I'm in a better frame of mind today because I did my volunteer job this morning. That always takes me far enough away mentally from my own situation for a day's relief from stress and frustration.

It didn't matter much to me that the lawnmower guy came and he was able to pull the starter cord with ease. I still could not pull it out far enough to start the motor and told him to take it away and have any female in the office try it out before they bring it back.

It looks like loo seat designers/manufacturers have a lot to answer for ... perhaps the toilets in China are different! Frandrake ... I wish I was capable of doing half the things you can do, although I wish you weren't the one who had to do them.

Anne, your post made me think that perhaps I have so much trouble with simple things that in my head I should be able to do is that stress and anxiety gets in the way. I'm actually paying someone to redo the moldy silicon in my shower because I did such a bad job of it the last time. Why when I understand how you are supposed to do it?

Nilla - can't you raise a stink about safety issues with the council? The light sounds dangerous and I would be inclined to ask the fire department to do a saftey inspection. They do them in my area for nothing.

Onwards and upwards.
Hi Girls, I've just found this thread and want to join in your gang!
I don't fit into the girlie girlie gang however much I'd like too Image Oh the bliss it must be to worry about breaking a fingernail or smudging the make-up or having the vapours cos the grass, drains, bins, windows need doing!
My "To Do" list is always too long but then there's one of me and four of them - my kids have it easy despite what they think. One of which is responsible for me having to dig the sewage out of the inspection tank - wish we were on main drains!
And "YES" where is that knight in shining armour?? A bit of escapism would be great .... but I'd still come back Image (though on a bad day we might be a while longer!) Image
Well I’ve always had to be responsible for all the bits and pieces that the men folk usually do - that’s one of the benefits (?) of staying single. But I won’t attempt anything to do with electricity (except changing light bulbs/rewiring plugs) or the plumbing. Mind you I still miss Dad for his carpentry skills Image

These days though I subscribe to our local water board’s insurance scheme which covers just about any disaster/mishap from replacing tap washers to major leaks; electrical faults to locksmiths and even replacing broken glass in windows ! It also covers my annual boiler service, boiler breakdowns and should my boiler irretrievably breakdown then it also covers the labour costs to replace the boiler. Even as I type I have two guys here replacing a leaky radiator and it won’t cost me a penny Image

Over the years I’ve also ‘collected’ various tradesmen - decorators, electricians, builders etc who I can call on to do the jobs that I can no longer (or no longer want to) do Image

My sister has also had to be ’handy’ as her husband is useless when it comes to anything involving ladders (having fallen out of a tree as a kid) - she’s even painted the outside of their house which I could never have done as I get vertigo standing on a telephone directory Image Image
Starting a petrol mower - yes Audrey's quite right, I always stand to the side of mine and put my foot on the base of the mower to keep it in place. A few years back they brought in new regulations for the handle to be a longer distance away from the body of the mower and the start cord runs up the side of the handle - they're supposed to be easier to start but as mine's an ancient, stubborn model but still works, I've yet to try one out.

Loo seats - yep mine's hanging on by a thread, keep sticking the pins back in and the lid has long gone - why don't they make them to last? It's only about 3 years old!

Light bulbs - I use energy saving bulbs and they appear to last longer, though as usual when they do go its always at the most inconvenient time! Florencent tubes are a totally different matter though. My extent of skills with electricity is changing the lightbulb (only with a very sturdy set of wooden kitchen steps) and wiring a plug - anything else is beyond me!
What can a man say except reverse everything on your lists and I have to do the pink jobs as well as the blue. Unfortunatley not much good at the blue ones anyway despite being a man!
... on the mower. I had no trouble with the staring cord until this week when I had to restart it after filling it with more petrol. Then, suddenly it was too hard for me to pull out in one smooth stroke. I'm not exactly a small little thing, so something has happened to the blinking mechanism.

Flourescent lights I hate. I have them in my kitchen underneath the cupboards. They are a pain to change because I can't actually see the fittings. If you touch the bulb it doesn't light anymore until you spend a good five minutes fiddling with it.

I expect it is the same for guys and gals re having to do the blue jobs and the pink jobs as a carer. There should be some kind of cross-training we could all attend! I'd sign up.
I sized the plaster on the landing and stairs today. Its only been waiting four years Image

When DS came in he was very interested about how I'd reached the ceiling over the stairs.

(It was all done with a brush, the handle off the sweeping brush and copious packing tape Image Image I trick I hope to duplicate when I paint it)
Tony Image Image Image (psst let you in on a secret I'm not that good at housework let alone the blue jobs Image )

Stacey what a great idea! As we can't all get together we could start a thread called "How to ...." for when one of us needs help tackling a job and either someone who knows can explain or paste a link that's accurate showing you how to do the job. We all know where to find the videos on the internet but if its a job that's potentially dangerous if done wrong ie:electrical or mechancial, it would be good to know which video is the right one to follow!

What do you all think?

Booksey - was wondering how I was going to 'cut in' at the top of the stairs, thank you Image