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Carers, Swept Under the Carpet - Page 2 - Carers UK Forum

Carers, Swept Under the Carpet

Share information, support and advice on all aspects of caring.
This Is absolutley shocking .In what so many people say we are all well off with things improving. But what are the Government doing about this total mess? More Savage cuts. I am a full time carer for my Husband, and now I am suffering myself. Awaiting for a hip op in march, which I dread ( anxiety Issues) And I am fighting to hopefully get more care for my Husband. I dont come into having help for Amanda The Carer, its up to Me to come home and sort out my own needs.!! This country has really had it. Should I get a carers assessment done ? I have been a full time carer of my husband for 25 years. Regards Amandah
Amandah, you will be totally unable to help your husband for a while after the operation, and you WILL be entitled to free care yourself, for about an hour a day, whilst recuperating. It's called Reneablement in some areas, Rapid Response in others. Be sure to ask SSD to do an assessment for your husband which reflects the fact that you are "not available to care" and also ask for a Carers Assessment for yourself. I've had two knee replacements, brilliant once they have settled down, but it's absolutely crucial that you follow doctor's orders to start with. Be sure to tell the hospital about your caring situation when you have a pre operation assessment. They might be able to put more pressure on SSD. Everyone is anxious before any operation, just tell yourself that it is the route to being pain free again, whenever you feel like chickening out.
Thank -you for your reply. I will be pushing all I can. But I am not expecting very much, as monies are tight with cut backs. I am having a hip replacement. I am dreading this as I suffer from chronic anxiety which does not help. But we will win. Thank-you again. Regards Amanda
Before you speak to Social Services, consider having a look at "NHS Choices" site, to see what you can, and more importantly cannot do, after your operation. Search the site for "hip operation" and then further down that page you will find "aftercare". Then relate these things to what you do for your husband so you can tell SSD what they need to arrange for him. I find it helpful to write things down in a list so I don't forget anything if I'm flustered.
BB, maybe those career women in their twenties need to be 'given' a caree to look after for a working week 24/7, to teach them what is involved! Similar to the way young teenage girls are 'given' a 'baby doll' that cries until you feed it, etc etc, and then cries randomly all night as well anyway! (Boy, will they rush to the contraception!)......
How does one cope ,when you are totally on the edge, and know that 24/7 caring
is ,literally killing you ??
Jac, this is the point where you ring Social Services and insist on an URGENT needs assessment for mum, a Carers Assessment for you. Say you need emergency respite. Tell the GP and he should be able to support what you are saying.
BB has already given good advice Jac but I know that mum has been given respite before and you have had difficulty.
I'm going to answer your question honestly. If it is killing you, and there is an alternative, then maybe this is the time to acknowledge that you can't carry on trying to be mum's carer. It isn't about lack of love or wanting to put her away somewhere, it is realising that there is a cut off point , when we can't carry on anymore, and to try and do so would be the wrong thing for our carees as much as ourselves.

Have you given this any thought? If it helps, the forum has many people on it that have faced the exact same heart breaking decision as you may be facing so they will understand how you feel. I do too. To want some semblance of a life for ourselves is not a bad thing, or an uncaring thing-it is as it should be. There will be guilt because there always is but there shouldn't be.
You are human and an obviously loving daughter and that won't change, wherever mum is. But if you aren't responsible for every aspect of her care, her needs, then you can spend the time you have with her being her daughter, not her carer.

Just another thought xx
I have been supporting my disabled mum for many years, since I was a teenager. The she had varicose veins and ulcers, then arthritis, joint replacements. As every year passed there seemed to be another addition to the list - she has at least 25 different problems now. My father was a top scientist, often working abroad for long periods, whilst mum was housebound. Dad died about 10 years ago. In the last few years mum's condition declined significantly, even with three carers a day it became clear that her days in her own home were numbered. Mum was in hospital for five months, and discharged to a nursing home. Her needs were simply too great for her to live at home, even with a live in carer. It wasn't an easy decision, but it was the right one. Since the move she has developed even more health issues associated with old age, and had a series of strokes. I know that I kept mum out of a nursing home for many years because of the support I gave her, and I continue to support her in the home, doing all sorts of things for her to make her life as interesting as possible. Most importantly of all, mum also accepts that this is the care she now needs.