Carers Providing A Sexual Service!!!!

[smiler]

This has reminded me of old dolls friend who was headmaster at rather posh private school near Windsor as you know all new boys and parents have to be interviewed by the beak anywho this couple entered headships office and said "good afternoon head iam DAVID BATES this is my wife JOYCE BATES and my son master bates " "dont worry" said the head "we`ll soon put a stop to that "


GEORGE

After leaving the school he didn't change his name by any chance and become seaman Staines

[charles47]

S e x and disability are a major taboo, it seems. I remember leafing through the government's white paper on learning disability and there was a whole 4 or 5 line paragraph on the subject out of 137 pages. Talk about fudge

It's a very difficult area: my son has a fairly normal libido but has no way to satisfy it: and no understanding (or any likelihood of understanding) it. So what do we do?

Education on the subject in schools was way beyond his understanding, so it was pointless. Gill and I are pretty good at explaining things to him but this one has us completely stumped because he understands so little about human relationships on any level.

Paid workers? I doubt that many would want to do this because it would put them at risk of accusations of abuse, possibly even at risk of abuse themselves.

So how do you meet someone's needs when they don't understand them and have no hope of a relationship in which those needs can be met?

[Guest]

Ultimately everyone, able-bodied, disabled, learning disabled is an individual and each will have their own needs and preferences but some will be able to understand and articulate them, others won't and this is, as you identify, where the problem lies, if you aid meeting a sexual need where there is a lack of understanding are you complicit in abuse, how as a parent are you supposed to deal with this? There is no easy answer and no guidance, the subject is one that people prefer not to think about.

The other problem is, as you again identify, the refusal to address the issue and there's still the yuk factor in the public's mind, and ignorance, when it comes to the idea of s e x and disability. It seems extraordinary that at a time when people are so sexually liberated, too liberated perhaps, that the idea that s e x and disability are not compatible and in some way a perversion still persists.

[g.herschel]

Just to be serious for a minute iam sure a few years ago b.b.c. had documentary re 5ex workers visiting disabled people in their own homes mind you it was in HOLLAND and what about someone like me who works 24/7 i cant even get out the house how i wopuld love to get in the car drive down to the New Derby couple of pints slow walk round to the place i love and watch Sunderland play oh happy days



GEORGE========What ever turns you on

[Guest]

Hi
Let's be serious.
Master Bates wouldn't change his name to (Seaman Staines) he would choose a name like (Wayne Car)
Let's keep this thread under control and stop it getting out of (Hand)
John

[Guest]

Just to be serious for a minute iam sure a few years ago b.b.c. had documentary re 5ex workers visiting disabled people in their own homes mind you it was in HOLAND and what about someone like me who works 24/7 i cant even get out the house how i wopuld love to get in the car drive down to the New Derby couple of pints slow walk round to the place i love and watch Sunderland play oh happy days



GEORGE========What ever turns you on

I heard a Radio programme and I'm sure that there's something similar in the UK, it's such a shame that people don't talk more openly about it and that it's not considered "normal" for people with disabilities to have sexual relationships, there would be less need for this sort of service. In terms of disability equality we have a long way to go.

[threewheeledcrumpet]

I know where Charles47 is coming from on this - our 13-year old has all the developing libido and associated aggression and confusion of the average 13-year old, but the comprehension of a child of around 4 or 5. We've combed the web in vain for very simple materials on adolescent development to try to help him have a little understanding of what is going on for him, and we can't find a way of explaining ourselves. It has taken several months to get him to understand, for example, that it's ok to touch yourself, as long as you go into your own room and shut the door beforehand. He doesn't understand WHY, he's just learned this as one more little pattern.

Paid carers helping him with his sexual needs ? I shiver in fear at the thought. But I can't help him either. He can't use the websites other kids use (too complicated) and he doesn't get any PSE in school. It's a mess.

[rosemary]

The NAS have a few publications on their website and the fpa (formerly Family Planning Association) produces a series of books that are not autism-specific but for people with learning difficulties.

This 1st link may be of help to a few of you but if anyone would like further links just let me know.

http://www.nas.org.uk/nas/jsp/polopoly. ... 001&d=1071

I know one of the problems we faced was explaining to Robert in such a way that it did not in actual fact give him more to think about.We have been very fortunate in that his understanding of these issues was zero and the most we had to contend with was acceptable behaviour in the parts of a body he could not touch on another person especially females.
I am sure others here will know what I mean in that to get someones attention they will touch whatever part of a body is there.There was never anything sexual in the contact but obviously as a girl/boy become adults they need learn how to conduct themselves.
By the same token, we tried give him some sort of s e x education if you like, of how other people should treat his body and to tell us if anything/one made him uncomfortable.
Most of this was done with home made pictures as he has no speech and at the time his signing was very limited.

Its surprising how much information is out there and whilst looking for the link above I also found publications that help explain about girls monthly cycles to those children/adults with learning difficulties.

Its a learning process for everyone but like with everything else,you all know your own children and how much information they can digest and at what speed.

.

[threewheeledcrumpet]

My son is virtually completely non-verbal and has the comprehension of a not terribly bright four year old. The resources you suggest are great in their way and I know others will find them helpful, but they're years beyond what he can manage. It has given us great joy to see him manage early stages of using the PECS system this past year, but it's not exactly set up for issues like these !!!

[Scally]

Firstly - what a good topic - it's high time that we discussed these issues in a mature way.

There are some good materials out there: heres one: the following guidance covers most aspects of intimate relationships: Making Choices, Keeping Safe: http://www.mcks.scot.nhs.uk/section1/index.html . This includes an easy-read summary for young people themselves: http://www.mcks.scot.nhs.uk/section2/index.html .

Realistically, visiting Holland isn't an easy option for most of us on a regular basis, and prurience still rules UK policy. However, helping with access to erotic literature and videos, and access to toys and aids, including mechanical aids, is normally legal (though there are legal issues with helping vulnerable minors of which carers should be aware).

The NHS and private sector do indeed help people with sexual problems and provide highly qualified s-e-x therapist advisers, or nurses or medically trained professionals. If considering anything in terms of support, carers should seek an appointment - normally through their GP or privately if they can afford it.

But in practice, a loving relationship between equals should be the goal for everyone, including people with quite severe disabilities. The old adult training centres and communal housing had lots of expertise in this area - some NHS long-stay hospitals even provided intimate private spaces, available by booking in advance! Lots of people with Downs Syndrome meet socially, and some get married or live together.

There are dating agencies that specialise in disability, although I have no experience of them. see]http://www.partnertherapy.com/node/490[/url]