by
AJ_1907 » Sat Oct 12, 2019 8:41 pm
Faye, this is awful! I feel terrible for you, my mother experienced something very similar with her father as he was very easily "lead" into joining in bitching about other members of the family.
But others are right - as much as it hurts - you should be mad about this, but don't act immediately.
Take the next few days to prepare and get strong. Be smart. Don't tell your father what you plan to do, or what you know, because it sounds like she will manipulate him into revealing everything before you've had chance to act.
Gather evidence. As much as you can of giving her money in any way you can, because she could easily deny it and it sounds like she's a skilled manipulator.
If you have any text messages mentioning it, screen shot them ASAP and email copies of the screenshots to yourself.
If you haven't got any text evidence - get some.
Text her next week and mention the £40, ask her if she'd be willing to accept a cheque "this week" as you've not had time to get to the bank or if she'd accept double next week instead, something along those lines.
You need to have proof of her accepting the money off the books, and it being a long term thing, especially working in cash.
If you can afford it, buy a tiny camera or voice recorder (there are some great ones on Amazon that will be delivered within a day) and use it to get a recording of her accepting the money or talking about it. It's perfectly legal to make those kinds of recordings in these instances.
Here's an idea:
Get a voice recorder (my advice is also double up on recorders just in case one fails, as you may not get a second chance - a phone app will work well as a secondary back up) or a camera....
DO NOT leave the money for her. Instead, let her call you or text you about it.
Better yet, go around to see your dad when she's there. Start a conversation about the money, and state that you need her to start signing for the money each week to ensure every cent of your father's money is accounted for. Her reaction to that suggestion will likely give you everything you need to prove what she's been up to for all this time.
Try to get her to confirm how long she's been given this money, how much she was given at Christmas, etc etc. Get her admitting to as much of it as you possibly can without her smelling a rat.
Email yourself an account of what's happened recently (a "timeline of events") get things straight in your head and down on paper. Attach any copies of any information/evidence you have to that email and keep adding to it with any evidence you can gather from now on, this will help validate any claim you make as the email will be dated.
If you don't know her home address, find out as soon as possible. In my experience she could vanish off the face of the planet once action is taken.
You should also report her to HMRC for taking cash in hand work, as she is obviously not declaring it as income. If she's doing this to your father, she's doing it to a dozen other people and making a killing doing it. She is paid minimum wage at least by her employer, has to be by law. There's no reason for her taking more money from your father. She is a vile con artist by the sounds of it, and rug needs to be pulled out from under her because she chances are she's bleeding other people dry, people who probably don't have a relative to cotton on to what she's doing.
Gathering evidence is key.
Then once you have something solid, or as much as you can get to prove she's been taking this money long term - go to her boss. Go to the CQC. Go to the police too. Go as far as you can with it because people like her are unscrupulous scumbags, preying on the vulnerable!
Check your father's belongings too, and make sure nothing is missing that she could have taken. If there is something missing, again, get evidence of questioning her about where it may have gone.
What would have set alarm bells ringing for me in the first place was where you said she claimed her husband is very well off. If that's the case, why on earth would she be wanting extra money or trying to obtain it from you in any way if money wasn't an issue? Says to me it's all a nonsense story concocted to gain confidence, in the way every con artist does. "Oh she's not robbing me blind, she wouldn't do that, she doesn't need the money." She's a classic trickster move and something needs to be done to make sure she can't get away with this for any longer.
Good luck and stay strong.
If you need any advice on tactics, you're welcome to PM me. I have a great deal of experience with my older/vulnerable family members being ripped off by all kinds of people over the years, and have learned some tips and tricks on how to handle situations like this which might be useful to you.
