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Money problems - Carers UK Forum

Money problems

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I'm sorry if there is already a post on this topic, if there is could you send me the link...

I'm having problems with a family member. My sister keeps taking money from my Mum. Mum is too nice and very vulnerable to say no. She has had so much money from her over the past few years that she runs out and I have to lend her money for her bills and food, which I cannot afford to keep doing. I changed her pin number and gave her the use of one card so she can do her online shopping herself. I want her to be as independent as possible. However I noticed a few transactions that were unusual so I asked Mum what they were. My sister had ordered things online and paid for them with mum's card. Mum has promised me so many times that she wont keep giving her money, but it happens every month.
Today my sister asked Mum if she has been paid. This annoys me so much, she doesn't get paid she gets benefits which should benefit her! Mum rang me to ask me for her pin number, of course I said no. My sister ran off crying and said she wants nothing to do with anyone. I've not spoken to her for 3 years because she wont talk to me. It's so frustrating, I'm only trying to protect Mum. I have no idea what to do
I think your mum is indeed vulnerable and your sister is exploiting this. Tough love is required here, buts difficult to see what else you can do. Well done for refusing to give the PIN number.
Hi hannah, this is a difficult one. You don't say which benefits mum gets or how old she is, but could it be possible for you to become your mums DWP appointee and take control of her finances? or would mum consider giving you POA?

Phoebe x
Hi Hannah, my son has SLD, he lives alone with support from carers. He cannot count and so carers have to help him with his money, but they are fairly useless. I am his DWP appointee, so all his benefits come into an account in my name. I pay all his utilities etc. from this account. I then transfer £100 per week into a debit card account which he has the card for, to cover his weekly shopping etc. The balance is held in reserve for him, so that if he wants to buy something special, new shoes, a TV, tumble dryer, there is always money available, but he and staff cannot fritter it away on rubbish. That might sound harsh, but when M. first moved into his own flat, the care agency said they would support him to budget, but instead allowed him to buy whatever he wanted whenever he wanted, never saying "No". Inevitably, they drained the account empty, leaving nothing for rent or utilities. Finally, Social Services conducted a "Mental Capacity Assessment" and concluded (as I had said all along) that M. could easily say what he wanted, but did not understand the consequences of his purchase. The care agency were told it was OK to say "No". If you doubt your mum's mental capacity, then perhaps you should consider this course of action? Unfortunately, if mum has capacity but is just unwise, there's not much you can do apart from refuse to give mum a penny if she over spends. Tough Love is sometimes the only way.
Hi Hannah, it is a difficult situation but sadly more common than many are aware. In my families case my Mum was paying my sister £1000 per WEEK to cover her care because my sister said her husband needed to stay home from work to look after Mum because she had small children. Mum was very vulnerable at the time as Dad had just passed away and I think in Mums case it was the fear that she wouldn't have anyone to care for her. Fortunately a lady at the building society became suspicious and refused to hand over the money after around 6 weeks! My Mum even had to pay when she as in hospital because he took time off to visit her!

Good for you for standing up and protecting your Mum. I know how difficult it can be - I went through a lot with my sister and the above situation I will never forgive her for. Is it possible perhaps that your Mum worries that your sister will not support her if she doesn't agree to your sisters demands?

Bell x
£1000 per WEEK
but sadly more common than many are aware
Sad isn't it, and that is an enormous amount of money. How awful!

Mum gets DLA, she's 52 with MS. I can understand she wants to treat us all but she doesn't think of her own bills and needs. It's hard to know when to tell her to stop. People have told me it's none of my business and that mum can make her own decisions, but it's ok for people to judge when they have never been in my position.

I think it's awful that carers won't manage money properly. It's so scary to think how some disabled people could deteriorate by not having the proper care from family members.
I have asked mum to start saying no. She just wants to please everyone all the time, but I've told her if effects me massively x