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Am I being selfish? - Carers UK Forum

Am I being selfish?

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Good Morning to you all,
I’m not sure I’ll get replies in time, if any at all, but I thought I’d give it a try. I'm so used to being the carer, and maybe I'm just feeling sorry for myself, but I’m supposed to be going to my sons to day, it takes about 2 hours in the car, then about 2 hours back. I am feeling quite guilty because we don’t see him that often but I am getting quite anxious about going. I suffer with arthritis in several joints but more so in my knee and hip, and the bottom of my back hurts a lot of the time (all on the same side) and I have suffered with vertigo occasionally, but recently it has become much more often. From where I live it takes about 5 minutes by car (about 5 minutes walking too, I don’t drive myself) to get into town and it is really uncomfortable just for 5 minutes, and over the last 4 to 5 weeks I have been feeling a little dizzy and sick every time I go in a car. (I’ve put this down to the vertigo, as it’s a very mild version of how I feel when I have an attack.) I used to walk, but I cannot walk this far anymore, (well not at the moment anyway) so just into town is as far as I have been going. Well, I suppose my question is, do I let my family down by not going? Even though the guilt is making me feel absolutely terrible! Or should I go and just cope with it? Especially as I know my family wouldn’t understand.
No, you are not being selfish, since we had the accident I dread going anywhere, which is silly as I go to work, shopping etc. OK. But I know the feeling. Also I had torn muscles in my back and so can appreciate how uncomfortable sitting in the car can be. Only you can decide if you can do it or not. If you decide yes, I hope you have a really good day and that your family appreciate the effort you put in. If you decide no, don't feel guilty, explain how hard it is and hopefully they will understand.
Whichever way, think of yourself, they can always visit you instead.
Thank you for that Myrtle, but I should have mentioned my son is registered blind so he can't drive and his partner won't drive him up to see us. They do come on the train occasionally. This makes me feel even more guilty!
That does make a difference Image
Too late for today, but maybe next time you could go on the train, time consuming and not as convenient, but you could move around a bit more while travelling. Also travel sickness pills can help, or the bracelets which really work and take the journey in small bits, rather than the 2 hours in one go.
Not much help for today, sorry Image
Hi Pasal3

I think you are wise not to travel by car, you can't risk having an accident - that would be no help to your family at all, it's not a case of being selfish it's being safe and sensible that matters.

The train does sound a better option, I agree about the sea sickness bands, my late aunt had a similar problem and they worked a treat for her.

Take care

Paula xx
Hi, just a quick update. The journey wasn't as bad as I expected, I've haven't enjoyed travelling by car for years and I think I just got myself all worked up. It was really nice having the family together and the day was going brilliantly until my 2 year old grandson had a horrible accident, He was winded really badly, probably only took seconds for him to breath but it felt like much longer, so we ended up spending 3 and a half hours in a walk in centre in Leicestershire. They found a little blood and protein in his water, the doctor said not to worry as it could be just a water infection and not because of his accident, the doctor said he seemed very healthy, he was running riot by now, bless him. He has to have more water samples and be checked by his own doctor a couple of times this week, hopefully it's something that can be cleared up quickly. Kids, don't you just love em?!!
Best Wishes to you all
Hello Pasal

Sorry to hear after you made the journey you were dreading that you ended up at hospital with your Grandson! Always the way, but I'm sure that your Son was pleased that you were there. I hope that your Grandson is ok.

Take care
M x
Glad you made the journey and that everything was fine until your grandson had an accident. My son used to spend nearly every weekend (well, it felt like it Image ) in casualty when he was small. Once, at school, he dropped a pencil on the floor, leaned down to pick it up, fell off the chair and had to have 6 stitches in his head! Accident prone isn't in it. He's not a lot better now he is grown up Image
Maryann, yes my son was very pleased we were there.
Myrtle, I know exactly what you mean, my son had plenty of accidents as a child, still does at 28. I thought having his own children would calm him down, maybe one day! lol
My grandson appears to be okay, thank goodness. He's full of energy.
Best Wishes