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Carer Days are over - Carers UK Forum

Carer Days are over

Share information, support and advice on all aspects of caring.
After a year of looking after mum-in-law it looks as though I shall get some permanent respite!! Mum has been in Hospital for 3 weeks and the doctors have said she will not get mobile again at her age (she's 93 in 2 weeks). What little vision she had in one eye has now gone and she refuses point blank to wear a hearing aid, she's also now become incontinent. She's refused to allow the nursing and physio staff to use a hoist to move her (she weighs about 13/14 stone) and they are saying it would be impossible to nurse her at home and she needs to go into a Nursing Home. They have now made a referral to Social Services and we just have to wait and see what they come up with.
I must admit to feeling a great relief as it was difficult and tiring when she had some mobility but I managed with help from hubby at weekends. The family live 300 miles away so we were on our own trying to cope. As with many of you, neither of us are fit and nearer to 70 than 60 with husband still working 4 days to keep on top of the finances.
Before joining this Forum I was completely unaware of all the problems and financial pressures that so many carers face. I hope to continue coming onto the Forum and in a small way add my support to you all in this ongoing battle to be recognised.

God Bless
It will be lovely to hear from you any time, please keep in touch
I hope everything goes well for you all Gem and that you still keep us up to date.
Your experiences will benefit others who come looking for help so I hope you stick around.

x x
the same comments from me gem hope your mum gets all the help she needs.

kenneth2dundeenow fife
I thought I'd update you - Social Services are saying mum is Residential Care - EXCUSE ME, totally blind, deaf, incontinent and immobile. They refuse to say how much funding they will give and have told us to look at some Residential Homes and then get back to them. They also mentioned that a lot of Care Homes in the area require top up fees from the family. Why do they think my hubby is continuing to work 4 days a week 15 months after his retirement date. Mum has never owned any property and has been a widow for over 50 years and her savings are well under the minimum. The Hospital are saying mum needs 24 hour nursing care and they've told my hubby that if Social Services don't sort something out they will charge them £200 per day (which apparently they have to pay) Image
I thought that Social Services would let us know where there would be vacancies under their funding umbrella. I can't see a Residential Home taking mum because of the amount of care she would need.
Ask for a health needs assessment, Gem. If one has been carried out, ask for an explanation of how your mum does not meet the NHS continuing healthcare guidelines (which you can download from the Department of Health website). There is an appeals process and you must have been involved in the assessment if it was carried out - also you have a right to advocacy support, which should have been offered to you.
Hi Gem

Charles is right, you must get a proper assessment. I would also urge you to get some detailed advice on this situation. For example it is wrong for them to say that families have to top up care fees - I know in reality this might happen, but legally fees should only be assessed on the assets of the person needing care and/or their spouse.

You can call CarersLine T. 0808 808 7777 *Wednesday and Thursday 10am-12pm and 2pm-4pm

Also have a look at this booklet we did called 'when caring comes to an end' it has a section on residential care. Download PDF at this link

Finally there are a couple of charities that specialise in the issues around Older people and residential care. Please have a look at their sites and maybe call their helplines - they are experts.

Relatives and Residents Association
Charity for anyone seeking support or information around going into residential care
Advice line - 020 7359 8136

Counsel and Care
Helpline 0845 300 7585
Specifically they have guides on care homes at this link
http://www.counselandcare.org.uk/helpin ... areguides/

Good luck with it and do keep coming back to the forum and keep us posted

Thank you everyone for the advice and comments.
Mum has now been accepted at a small residential Home which cares at levels 1 and 2 and Social Services are funding with contributions from mum (her pension). She had another TIA last Thursday and was moved to another ward at the hospital - the fourth move in six weeks!! But although she is now blind, deaf, bedridden and incontinent (and still has MRSA contracted at the Hospital) they will have her at the Home which is only 6 miles away from us and has a high ratio of staff to residents (about 20 residents and 4 to 5 staff on the day and evening shifts with 3 on at night). They've arranged for a Profile bed for mum and are redecorating the room, so it's hoped mum will go there beginning of next week.
So its a big worry settled now and because its so close we can visit more often.
Thats good news gem, and thanks for the update. It is so much easier if the home is local, its good to pop in at random times so the staff don't get into a routine, if you know what I mean! The inspectorate is all very well, but there is no substitute for relatives visiting at irregular intervals.

When my f-in-l was admitted to an ex-servicemen's care home (BLESMA) I never expected him to survive for so long - he was there for four years before he died. I think the wonderful Scottish home cooking and TLC of the staff was the main reason - it was a great relief for us all to know he was in safe hands.

They never bothered us with false alarms, but the day he died we had a gentle call from the sister advising us that his condition was going downhill. We jumped in the car, and were with him for his last few hours. That was a great comfort.
Mum was moved by ambulance on Wednesday to the Care Home. It's a lovely place - quiet, restful and with super staff. She's had a CVA and now has left sided weakness and is completely bedridden. The hospital hadn't told us even though we visited every couple of days. She's now very confused and weak and can't keep food down, the doctor's been to see her yesterday and today. The Home Manager rang me this morning to ask how we felt about her going into hospital again - I said if they were happy to keep her there then only if the doctor felt she should go. We visited this afternoon and she didn't really know us or where she was and the doctor said not to send her into hospital. The staff all agreed this was the best for her and will keep her safe and comfortable.