Care Home Assessment

Share information, support and advice on all aspects of caring.
I have decided, after 4 1/2 years of caring for mum that she has to go into a care home. She has been there for both long and short term respite and they love her. (When I phoned today the manager cheered and whooped!)
She has a room booked from 1st July, she is going on holiday with my sister for 10 days in June so it seemed daft for someone to pay when she isn't there.
Mum has always refused to have anything to do with social services, preferring me to do everything for her or to stay home rather than attend anything they suggested.
Until now she has been self funding but has just dipped below the threshold and so will get the dementia rate paid towards her care.
My problem is that when I spoke to social services today they said any care she receives will have to be in her own home. Well, she doesn't have her own home, she lives with me and it's not happening! I told them this and apparently we will discuss this at the assessment! We will indeed and if necessary, having read up on it here, I will refuse to care for her any longer after the 30th June.
It would be a waste of their time and money to care for her here anyway because we cook or prepare all her meals and when she manages to get out of bed she spends most of the morning washing and getting dressed by herself. So what they would actually do is beyond me. If she refuses to get out of bed then they needn't bother to come at all because the furthest she goes is the commode.
Can they refuse her care in a care home? It is one approved by the council; I cannot face the thought of doing this for years to come. I have been diagnosed with arthritis and my husband had a quadruple bypass last year so I think we are due some time just for us. She doesn't want to go but can, some of the time at least, see why it has to happen even though she would rather be with her "dear people', which would be me as there is no one else.
She has given up on daycare so we get no break at all. I know this will only get worse and I want her to go into a home while we can still regain some sort of mother/daughter relationship, take her out, have her stay over at Christmas or New Year etc.
Thank you for letting me rabbit on, my sister is over from Australia for 3 weeks at the beginning of June when she wanted, apparently, to talk about all the options. I have received her itinerary and out of the 23 days she is here I will see her for maybe a day but not all at once. The talk with her will be short and sweet it seems and she has no idea what it is like.
Take care and enjoy the sunshine
Tracy
Go girl! I think the majority here will be fully behind you. It's not an instant rash decision but the result of much thought and care.
Unfortunately SS will fight all the way not to pay her costs and you may find you end up having to make her technically homeless, horrible situation but unless and until they agree her needs warrant residential care they will resist. Keep plugging your own and hubby health issues as the reason you cannot care any more
The downside to being fully funded is that family no longer has final say on her care
Stay strong
Xx
MrsA
I think I'm going to have to be far more forceful than I would like. You say about me having less say in mum's care and while I acknowledge that I will still have my power of attorney won't I?
Thank you for your comments, I appreciate them.
Take care
Tracy