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The people I knew are dead- but they still breathe - Carers UK Forum

The people I knew are dead- but they still breathe

Share information, support and advice on all aspects of caring.
This may sound sick or wrong but I have realised in a way my mother and gran have both died but they are still alive.
Mum- brain damaged from a tumour. Gradually over years all her wonderful self has been eaten away and replaced by a viscious (sp?) angry, confused, emotionally abusive woman.
Gran- senile dementia, not in reality. Thinks i am at school when
I am 34...

Does anyone out there know what I mean? It's like a slowburning bereavement that I cant move on from. I cannot fully accept that the women I loved are not coming back. When I am caring from them I feel so guilty, sad, alone. I want my mummy and granny back. But they are dead.
How can I move on?
How can I accept this is how it is?
Is this normal?
Hi.

I have not been thr this myself so dont have any words of wisdom, just didnt like to read and run on ready a sad post..sending you a (( hug )).

Im sorry i really dont know what else to say

Tracey x
Britney, in many ways you're right. It's a horrible thing to have to consider, but it must feel as if the people you knew have been swapped for people who are physically identical but completely different in character.

And that's really hard to deal with - as you say, a slowburning bereavement - which makes it harder to deal with because it's never ending.
Britney my oh has ms, but the result is the same. The person he was has gone and I'm left with a 6 foot 'baby'.
Of course you grieve and yes it's normal. As to how you accept it, when you work that one out, can you tell me please.

But you do learn to live with it and the world is still a beautiful place.
Thanks guys. I think it will help to try and remember they didn't chose it either. Xxx
I know how you feel Britney. My dad was always a stong man, quiet but strong. That was until he developed dementia with lewy body. He was hallucinating all sorts of weird things. At first it was only when he was out of his comfort zone - hospitals, etc. Okay when he was at home. But then it got worse. He was halucinating at home as well. He saw people building swimming pools in the back garden, cars were being parked in the same place, there was a casino being built in our main shopping centre (even though he never left the house, he could see it), couples were having sex in the garden and the parents were joining in. Then he started to see them come into the house and he decided to sleep downstairs in his riser recliner like my mam as there were too many people in bed with him. Even when he eventually went into hospital it continued with people and buildings all over the ward. It was awful seeing him deteriorate to the shell of the man he once was. He died last October 26th. I miss him loads but at least I know that he's out of pain now. I understand how you must be feeling, but I'm sure that it's all normal. I don't think there's any right or wrong way to feel. Everyone and every situation is different. All you can do is your best. And I'm sure that , in their own way, both women are grateful for everything you do for them.
My thoughts are with you. May he rest in
Peace.
When my mum died in 2006 someone remarked to a friend I hadn`t been weeping and wailing as was expected of me. My friend told them Meg`s mum died sixteen years ago, her final passing was a blessed relief.

I know exactly where you are at because mum had the double curse of dementia and cancer.

Take care
Meg
Thanks for your post. It's good to know others have been through similar things xxx enjoy ur eve xxx