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Carers UK Forum • Can we care too much? - Page 4
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Re: Can we care too much?

Posted: Sun Sep 11, 2011 12:50 pm
by Melly1
Hi, yes it is easier if you have a family network behind you. Not always plain sailing .... if you read posts on here, you will read of families too busy to help, who feel guilty and just seem to criticise and question. I don't have family around me either. They live "down South" but even if I did live near them - my sister works VERY long hours and my parents are too doddery to be of any use ...

We do have friends, but they also have their own lives to lead.

I'd be interested to read the study when it is finished. I'm sure it would be pertinent in this country too.

Melly1

Re: Can we care too much?

Posted: Sun Sep 11, 2011 9:37 pm
by Scally
We are still experimenting. We have used volunteers too: for example we paid the air flight to New Zealand for a volunteer escort one time, a lassie who knew my son and his older sister very well, and a long-term family friend, to spend three weeks in NZ staying with family there. That worked well.
And we have paid three young people on payroll - at 20% over minimum wage - to provide escort duties and befriending, all fairly well-known to us, local teenagers. Sometimes this can open new doors for independence: for example one of the befrienders took my son to the boxing club for a few weeks, and now my son will go there by himself, with no escort at all, once or twice a weekfrom 7-8 pm. Its close enough (1000 yards or so down the back line) for him to walk there and back himself safely. He knows the guys, the guys know him: he pays his £2 sub every time he attends; its really sweet!

Re: Can we care too much?

Posted: Mon Sep 19, 2011 7:59 pm
by Lorna Fisher
I think the term rent a friend is being used here because someone has lost faith in others completely and to do this I'm afraid deep down you have lost your own ability to befriend others. Everyone has had let downs at some point and most people won't want to advertise to others that they have hit a low point. We all want to carry on as if we are in control but if you cannot see a future without encountering a reasonable genuine nice person then I aint no GP but I would liken this to being seriously depressed.
I have lost all my family and am the youngest of 3. I'm 38 and have a beautiful daughter at 17 with the same attitude I had at that age ie in education but will meet more responsibilities when required but happy to enjoy life without too much stress thank you ! Ask most people if they cld return to their teens if they would choose to work in a sometimes lonely world of caring for an individual with no other team members around and monitering is virtually alien.
I also am advocate to a father type figure also disabled and dependent on me to get his groceries, affairs, housework etc and at times I feel guilty that I am tired due to the pressures that life sometimes overwhelms us. I could easily care full time for him and when required I most certainly will but he at times is my rock and I am not afraid to say this.
It is so easy when you feel low to allow others to take atvantage of you but we all encounter this and its part of living. I would rather struggle and be tired because I know I am facing life and I feel you are probably have more empathy with others who genuinelly need your care than that of those who hide their insecurities by trying to think they are of higher regard than you. Most of these characters even have the ability to claim some of the disability fundings for themselves and will carry on doing so until a well needed shake is given to this government. I think I shall claim for my sore digits as I could rant on this for a long time but nah I'll just care as if you don't what is the point of life.

Re: Can we care too much?

Posted: Mon Sep 19, 2011 10:20 pm
by aussiecarer
im 50 and have been as i said a carer 24/7 for over 20 years of often 3 people at once, and im burned out and isolated. suffering waht u defined as severe depression. cant afford to pay anyone anything. ya get tired of people looking down on u wen u say u cant afford.