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Carers UK Forum • Can we care too much? - Page 3
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Re: Can we care too much?

Posted: Sun Sep 04, 2011 3:28 am
by aussiecarer
how does one employ a supporter??

Re: Can we care too much?

Posted: Sun Sep 04, 2011 10:58 am
by Eun
Scally if we "push our son out of the door" as you put it - it is his life that is at risk - not to put too fine a point on it he could die. He is vulnerable to dying - not just exploitation, abuse. major errors.

If a "major error" led to the death of the person for whom you cared would be you be quite so keen to push the same agenda?

One size does not fit all - just because this worked for your son (and it is wonderful that it does) don't think that it will work for all.

And it is quite offensive for it to be implied that those of us on here who care for people with very severe life threatening disabilities are in some way holding them back or not wanting to let go. We do our utmost to help our son to get any independence he can within the limits imposed by his condition.

Eun

Re: Can we care too much?

Posted: Sun Sep 04, 2011 8:50 pm
by Scally
how does one employ a supporter??
Start thinking about who in your wider circle of friends and their families knows your caree and is suitable and maybe has some hours spare, keep it in the community if you can. Then work out how much you are willing to pay in total and per hour, and start asking one or two people if they are interested, and if so, on what terms. There is always a bit of trial and error. You will need a contract drawn up after a few months, and a job description. If you are paying students, they don't pay tax or National insurance, (which is very simple); if not you may need some simple and cheap software to register as an employer and file an annual return. Sessional flexible contracts and variable hours are usually much better than fixed hours, as your needs and those of your caree are constantly changing, so you need to keep things as flexible as possible.

There is help available from various agencies to do this: you are not alone.

Eun: we are all vulnerable to dying and injury every time we leave the front door. All it takes is one truck coming the wrong way.... that is no reason not to go out, just a reason to take a bit of care. Anyway if you are offended, it is by the brazen actions of Julie Fernandez, a disabled woman who had the temerity to go out and get a job and get married without her parents consent: she is asking the question, I am merely passing on the link.

Re: Can we care too much?

Posted: Sun Sep 04, 2011 11:14 pm
by Eun
Scally Rob does get out occassionally - but we don't pay people to be his "friends" he usually goes out with his able bodied friends who know his needs or us.

Eun

Re: Can we care too much?

Posted: Sun Sep 04, 2011 11:57 pm
by aussiecarer
we moved to where we are now 3 years ago , my autisitic daughter doesnt have any friends , i thought i did till i was the one that needed help. we are alone.

Re: Can we care too much?

Posted: Sat Sep 10, 2011 12:29 am
by Scally
Young people with learning disabilities often have great difficulties making and keeping friends, sadly. Mainstream education helps make aquaintances - but learning the art of true friendship is a fairly complex skill. But we use rent-a-friends as much because it gives me respite to go out to work as for my sons benefit, they have to fit in around our needs, not the other way around, and I dont know many "friends" who would do that. I think J needs access to good role models and have a bit of company, and I dont know many bright and sporty 18 and 19 year old boys who would willingly put in 8-12 hours a week of what can be quite hard work communicating and coaxing a lad with a disability, without being paid for it.

Re: Can we care too much?

Posted: Sat Sep 10, 2011 12:13 pm
by Melly1
All depends on the young person's needs doesn't it, S benefits from rent-a-friends too, (though not always easy to find, as he had to attend a school where most of the pupils were boarders and all had special needs.) Paying means the young person takes their responsibility of keeping their friend safe more seriously and ensures they are more accountable. They usually turn into real friends too. S finds it hard to make friends (due to the very deficits of autism) doesn't mean he doesn't want friends though - he needs others with the skills to know how to include him and to what degree.

Melly1

Re: Can we care too much?

Posted: Sat Sep 10, 2011 1:11 pm
by aussiecarer
no such thing here

Re: Can we care too much?

Posted: Sat Sep 10, 2011 3:15 pm
by Melly1
we moved to where we are now 3 years ago , my autisitic daughter doesnt have any friends , i thought i did till i was the one that needed help. we are alone.
Hi, I do know what you mean. Amazing how people say, "Let me know if I can do anything to help," the occasion comes and you really do need help, pluck up the courage to ask and they are too busy/doing something else etc

S's current rent a friend accompanies him to youth club once a week for an hour. She offered to do this when I was asking around if anybody could think of someone suitable, I asked her if she knew of anyone and she volunteered. She is the same age as S, I give her money to cover her expenses (as I put it.) We pay for this ourselves.

Caring is very isolating. When S was younger we seemed to have a better social life.

What do other folks with autism and learning difficulties do in Australia?

Melly1

Re: Can we care too much?

Posted: Sun Sep 11, 2011 8:59 am
by aussiecarer
a lot dont do much , so much so theres a research thing being done into post school and autism etc . yes caring is very isolating, i go to a monthly carers meeting but most have lived here all thier lives have family etc. a lot at the carers meeting i go to really dont know what its like to struggle as a carer but they complain anyway