Can people with dementia live alone at home?

[Simon_16091]

Unfortunately Mum was an only child and all of her close relatives are dead. She has one nephew who retired in Instanbul.

My sister has been a great help, but she also has her problems, her youngest has severe learning disabilities, and obviously that also takes a great deal of time and care.

I do feel exhausted and my work colleagues are disappointed at me turning down our Xmas night out, but they also understand my own care commitments.

Its ok, mum and I have looked at other options to help her and we now pay a small fee weekly for her to have a pendant and call for help, which she uses no problem currently.

[Simon_16091]

I think sometimes, we hope for too much and ask for too little!

[Pet66]

You are probably correct. Stiff upper lip and all that! Not always beneficial.

[Simon_16091]

What I find is that it is easy to judge people, but less easy to understand them.

Once again I am sorry for my original post.


On this note I will now leave the forum and take my charitable donation elsewhere. To those who were so crude, I hope you find some faith and to those who have been helpful, thank you

[Pet66]

Very sad that you still feel the need to leave the forum.
Hope all works out as you hope x

[Simon_16091]

Everyone has a sense of their own needs, how they feel and how they choose to react. It has been very clear that my comments were unwelcome, although as I have said unintentional. The reality is that we all have to find a way of coping, and that was just me trying to cope with loosing my mum. Don't think for one moment I didn't check out these forums before I joined, because I did. Some posts I could so easily shoot down in flames of fury myself, but I chose not to do that.

To me personally, loosing my mum is bad enough and that is all that counts! And quite frankly I have realised help even by words is hard pressed. Just trying to figure out how to quit this site, not easy......but fear not I will be gone!

[Simon_16091]

Can someone please tell me how to quit this forum and website. I have tried my membership menu...perhaps I am too upset.....but please can a moderator help??

[susieq]

Can someone please tell me how to quit this forum and website. I have tried my membership menu...perhaps I am too upset.....but please can a moderator help??

I will forward your request to cancel your membership to Administration; alternatively you can just stop posting.

[jenny lucas]

Simon, please don't leave the forum! I've sent you a PM why.

I write as someone who has TWICE now nearly got kicked off anyway for being 'controversial' (to be fair the second time was about Brexit - the mods closed down the discussion as it kept sliding into acrimony!!!!), so I DO know the feeling.

Take a break for a few days, that's what I do when things get heated, and then come back again on something completely 'easy' or maybe 'practical' (eg, how to heave wheelchairs about or so on), to get your toe back in the water again.

This forum really is a godsend for carers. Yes, 'spats' can occur, and so on, but it's only because we are all 'on edge' with our care situations, some, obviously, a lot more than others (I'm now ...blissfully....almost never on edge any more, because, yes, I 'put MIL in a dementia home'....and got my life back. Three years ago, however, I was on the edge of a nervous breakdown trying to look after her myself.....) (I was losing my rag all over the place, and stormed out of at least two other forums I was on, as I simply used to 'red mist' all the time, which I now, with hindsight, see was actually 'displaced anger' at having been 'landed' with MIL)('landed' slightly nicer than 'dumped'.....????!!!!)(not her fault, poor, poor soul, that she has 'lived beyond her life'....) (Just for the record, I am as nice as nice as nice as I can be, and I visit regularly, and go out for drives and cream teas, did so the day before yesterday, and will do again today...

We do all, honestly, know that MOST relatives DO love their carees, and MOSTLY, their carees love them (and with MIL I am truly fond of her, and she and I go back thirty years, and now I tell her about her sons - the one in the USA, and the one who died - and her grandchildren, and I 'am' her memory of her family for her....)

But, yes, there are relatives who do seem to be entirely selfish and blithely unfeeling. And some here are cursed by them.

Wishing you well, in what is clearly a draining and difficult care situation yourself - but, please don't leave the forum!

Kindest wishes, Jenny

[Greta]

Yes, don't go, Simon. Your message was fine apart from that one bit, and that seems to have cast itself over the whole interpretation of it. You're very well entitled to your opinion and it's good to read it.