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Carers UK Forum • Can I be Made To Care for Parent
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Can I be Made To Care for Parent

Posted: Fri Jan 03, 2020 2:39 pm
by Geoffrey_1805
Some of you may have seen my posts on the benefits forum about my mother regarding her recent stroke. I hope I'm posting this question in the right section so apologies if I haven't.
My question I'd this can I be made/obliged to care for her when she is discharged. Her mental capacity is severely limited now, her mobility is virtually now non-existent and she is incontinent. Plus i will shortly be leaving to start a new life miles away with my fiancee. I could not possibly care for her without severely impacting my health and wellbeing.
When I meet social services next week what do I say? And am worried that whatever I say it's going to sound like I don't care.

Re: Can I be Made To Care for Parent

Posted: Fri Jan 03, 2020 2:49 pm
by Chris From The Gulag
My question I'd this can I be made/obliged to care for her when she is discharged.


No.

... and don't let anyone else tell / suggest to you otherwise.

And am worried that whatever I say it's going to sound like I don't care.


A rhetoric observation ?

Only the face that stares back at you from a mirror can answer that one.

Re: Can I be Made To Care for Parent

Posted: Fri Jan 03, 2020 3:07 pm
by Geoffrey_1805
Thanks I don’t know how I would have managed without this site.

Re: Can I be Made To Care for Parent

Posted: Fri Jan 03, 2020 3:10 pm
by bowlingbun
Make sure you read up as much as possible about NHS Continuing Healthcare and hospital discharge policies before the meeting.

Keep asking about what staff are currently doing for her, and when?
Help with feeding, dressing, changing pads, walking, toileting, all those practical things she is going to need now, which she didn't need before?
How much does she understand, and retain in her memory?

I would suggest that even with 4 carer visits for an hour a day (the usual absolute maximum unless CHC is granted) that still leaves 20 hours without carers. Who is going to look after her then?
Start a notebook of what you have seen that come into the categories above, also time taken, how it's done, to strengthen your case for residential care. Her move out of hospital should be to the place where she will spend the rest of her life, you don't want her having a series of failed discharges.
Also, take photos of what they are doing if possible, maybe even little short video clips, so you have evidence.

Keep asking us any questions you like (I've got a bad chest infection but the fingers can still type while I'm stuck in the house).

Re: Can I be Made To Care for Parent

Posted: Fri Jan 03, 2020 3:10 pm
by Geoffrey_1805
I love my mum to bits but am so drained mentally and physically. I’ve lost an enormous amount of weight in the last year and my health has reached tipping point.

Re: Can I be Made To Care for Parent

Posted: Fri Jan 03, 2020 3:13 pm
by bowlingbun
Have you seen your GP about the weight loss?
Maybe get him on side, writing a letter to SSD saying you CANNOT care any more?

Re: Can I be Made To Care for Parent

Posted: Fri Jan 03, 2020 3:13 pm
by Geoffrey_1805
As harsh as it sounds I have to walk away from this or to put it bluntly it’s me that will need 24 hour care.

Re: Can I be Made To Care for Parent

Posted: Fri Jan 03, 2020 3:14 pm
by Geoffrey_1805
Also why do I need to explain any of my actions to social services

Re: Can I be Made To Care for Parent

Posted: Fri Jan 03, 2020 3:16 pm
by Chris From The Gulag
Also why do I need to explain any of my actions to social services


Simple.

If a family member does not take on that " Responsibility " , one guess as to who will need to step up to the plate ?

CHC / NHS Continuing Healthcare ?

That is one route which will remove the LA from that responsibility.

Less we forget the caree ... your mother ... also in her best interests ???

Re: Can I be Made To Care for Parent

Posted: Fri Jan 03, 2020 3:21 pm
by Geoffrey_1805
But what about my best interests? I'm probably going to refuse to meet with social services and wipe my hands of everything.