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Can I be Made To Care for Parent - Page 2 - Carers UK Forum

Can I be Made To Care for Parent

Share information, support and advice on all aspects of caring.
But what about my best interests ?


Absolutely no answer possible in the context as so described !
I know it does sound harsh. But that’s how I feel the doctors etc have done nothing to help me also as I’ll be living miles away from my mother that does limit anything I can do.
You need to accept that social care is a bit like a sick game of Snakes and Ladders crossed with a school exam.
Learn to use this to your advantage from those of us who have been before where you are now.

What we are advising you to do is to get the best outcome for your mum, so that you know she is fine without you, as easily as possible.
Accept that the hospital don't care about you one bit, BUT they do have a duty to ensure that mum has a safe discharge so that all her needs are met in full. My own worst example is when I was just discharged from hospital, kidney just removed, scar right across my stomach, yet mum's GP tried to bully me into caring for mum a day after I was discharged. To cut a long story short, mum was in pain when she moved as she had a broken leg!!!

The hospital just want their bed back. They can and will try to ignore your health needs and life needs, but can't ignore mum's.
I've lost all four parents and had battles with SSD with them all, in and out of hospital endlessly, suffering from heart failure, bowel cancer, pancreatic cancer, joint replacements to name just a few of their ailments!
I have also studied law, and make it my business to keep up with social care legislation, as my son has severe learning difficulties.
What we are advising you to do is to get the best outcome for your mum, so that you know she is fine without you, as easily as possible.


Seconded !
You have my sympathy - I totally understand and you must NOT give in to emotional blackmail. I agree with BB - the NHS does not care about you as a carer. Your mental and physical health has to come first. The Best Interests meetings seem to concentrate on the patient not those involved in their care. I had to walk away from my late father to keep my sanity.
Geoffrey_1805 wrote:
Fri Jan 03, 2020 2:39 pm
My question I'd this can I be made/obliged to care for her when she is discharged
No

With the utmost respect if your mother has deteriorated as much as your post indicates the probable outcome of a best interests meeting should be nursing care costed by the NHS (CHC/FNC - she must surely qualify now) and social services collaboratively.

With those needs if your mother did not require around the clock care prior to the strokes, she certainly will now.

Even if you were up for the job I would counsel this as folly because it is one thing to look after someone you love dearly when they are mobility impeded/frail/poorly, it is another thing altogether when you are contending with fluctuating capacity and all of the red tape which comes with it.

Be with your fiance, you can still advocate for your mother (deal with the "admin" etc) to ensure her best interests are met and to hold people to account for her care. You've done enough and deserve to be happy, your mother would want this too.

Best wishes to you and your family
Hi. I've come a little late to this conversation. You do care but you can't give up your life. As has been said, the hospital wants the bed back and your mum needs a team of care that would not be possible with 4 care visits a day, and supposedly you the 24/7. What you can do is to insist she doesn't come home and that everything is in place in the nursing home prior to transfer.