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Call yourself a carer? - Page 11 - Carers UK Forum

Call yourself a carer?

Share information, support and advice on all aspects of caring.
149 posts
Some carers work because they can.

Some work because they have no choice - financially speaking.

Some carers cannot work because their caring situation doesn't allow it and because they feel unable - for perfectly valid reasons - to hand over the care to someone else.

Some carers don't work because they feel unable to do so - their own health may be suffering, etc.

We're all different. But Belle is right, one of the key areas we don't discuss enough or allow ourselves enough of is "me" time.
CHARLES - about the lady who came into the office one Saturday .................

When we go for hubby's MOT (as I call it) to the spinal unit, if anyone, anyone at all talks to us both about things that are wrong or medical jargon, which I don't understand (hubby knows what it all means, but I don't necessarily), I stop them in mid-sentance and ask them what it is, or what it means in practical terms etc. etc.
I don't care, I will interrupt them in mid-flow if I don't understand.
They don't mind either and are glad to explain things to me.

Over the years though, they have learnt not to talk too much medical jargon when I'm around. In fact, hubby's super-clever specialist even looks at me, questioningly, when he's talking (as if to say, "do you understand that, Mrs Drake?". He makes a point of explaining in simple terms everything, cos he knows da*n well that if he doesn't, he'll get interrupted!

I hope your lady will speak up, next time medical jargon is being spouted to the pair of them.
Some carers work because they can.
Some work because they have no choice - financially speaking..
Hmm, now what famous English Playwright does that remind me of..?
Be not afraid of greatness]

You could say the same thing about being a carer, I suppose. Or a politician. Image

I admire that Cameron accepted and loved his son, Ivan, and made the best of his situation. As a parent who also loves my own son more dearly than my own life, I'm glad that I have never experienced that grief, of losing a beloved son. It's very easy to vilify politicians, how much harder would it be to walk in their shoes? Cameron wanted power, but he became the first leader in many generations to have to live with a minority administration: he's done the best he could with the situation. He inherited a massive budget deficit, bigger than anything since the 1940's, and he's wrestling manfully with it. He has had the bottle to cut defence spending and the police: these are almost unthinkable for a Tory. And he still has the time to promote his dream, of a Big Society, in which we Brits get involved in voluntary work and take a share as engaged citizens. I don't disagree that much with any of this stuff, and as a Tory-hater, that worries me a bit. But I'm glad he has his job, and I have mine. And I'll never vote for him nor for his party, on principle!
PPS i don't think we make our own fortune..we have room for manoeuvre sometimes that's all.
I agree.

If we don't believe we make our own fortune .... then we only have room for manoeuvre (sometimes).

If we think we make our own fortune ... then we just get on with it.

Perception is everything.

So yes, I agree. Image
Perception is everything.
yeh right!

So my sister having had cancer and my husband having brain damage and as a result multiple physical and cognitive difficulties didnt affect my perception of life at all (never mind hers or his!) or how i/we led/lead our lives. I could have carried on being happy and become Prime Minister or whatever because i control my own destiny. And my husband's change in personality, memory problems and occaisional delusional behaviour have nothing to do with his brain being damaged but are because he has chosen to perceive the world in a different way..it just happens to have been after he had three brain haemorrhages.

I don't know whether to laugh or cry! live with someone who gets brain damage you don't even believe in a 'me' any more. i/we are one knock on the head away from being a different person.

Genetic make up, biology, environment ...even the little bit of room we have for manoeuvre is controlled by them.

We've had this discussion before Sandy. If your beliefs make you happy then go for it. I'm all for live and let .

I'm afraid my logic is a bit more evidence based and earth bound.

Got to go now cos i perceive i am running late, the carer is due in 20 minutes and my husband is still in the bath!
oops forgot the patronising Image
I think, Belle, that the majority of us understand exactly and can relate to what you have said. Your comment that: "i don't think we make our own fortune..we have room for manoeuvre sometimes that's all" is an accurate reflection of our lives, of everyone's life, things happen to us and those we love which are entirely beyond our control, some things are good, some not so good and some devastating and all we can do is to enjoy and cherish the good and try to mitigate the impact of the not so good and devastating as best as we can.

If we all could make our own fortune, i.e. had total control over our lives, no-one would fall ill, no-one would die and we would have everything we could possibly wish for in life, the fact that this is not a reality for anyone, people fall ill, everyone dies and no-one has everything they wish for in life, simply proves the emptiness of any suggestion that we can make our own fortunes, the only truth is that we do "just get on with it".
i always say i'm a carer if anyone wants to miss out on all the experience a person gains from doing one of the hardest jobs in the world then obviously that person or company is not worth having someone who is a carer working for them and improving there buiseness and also the more we all put down that we are carers the more the world will become aware of the amount of carers there are
It's probably not in the best interests of this thread to comment, but what the heck - Mum's finally tucked up in bed and I have a few minutes to myself. Image

Aren't we forgetting "choices"?
NO!!! you're probably saying. WE don't have ANY choice. WE have a loved one we MUST take care of. WE can't just walk away. Truth is, we can all just walk away, and some people do so. Why do you think most of us are sole carers while other family members (if we have them) just come to visit occasionally? Because THEY made the choice to walk away. WE made the choice to stay and be the carer. It might FEEL like we're a victim of circumstance, but we still made the choice at some level.

Now, I'm not suggesting anyone walk away. If I had my way, everyone would voluntarily take their turn caring to give some of us sole carers a much-needed break ... but we DO have the choice. I'm not the type of person who could just dump my mother in a nursing home, but many can. We made the choice to be the caring person, and it WAS a choice even if we don't, or refuse to, recognise it.

We make choices every minute of every day, and tomorrow is the result of the choices we made today, just as today is the result of choices we made yesterday. For some reason, this concept makes many people angry and I'm still trying to figure out why. Fascinating. Perhaps it's because many people don't want to accept the responsibility of creating their today - they feel more comfortable blaming circumstances beyond their control.

Do we really believe that having control of our destiny would mean no-one would die and that we'd have everything we could possibly wish for in life? Ah but we mustn't get too deep, because then we'd need to talk about the choices we make before we even arrive here! Image
Sandsea wrote
I'm not the type of person who could just dump my mother in a nursing home, but many can. We made the choice to be the caring person, and it WAS a choice even if we don't, or refuse to, recognise it.
Lol Sandy, "Dump" an unfortunate choice of word? Image
I made the choice long ago to care for my mother, which I continued to choose to do for aprox 19-20 years, then the slow realisation came that to provide her with a good quality of life had an enormous impact on the quality of my life and my husbands and my childrens and even my grandchildrens. So after giving it much thought she went into a care home where in some respects she actually has a better quality of life than she had living with us, in other respects it isn't as good, but she is just as happy, just as well cared for. She had complaints about living with us, and she has complaints about living in residential care, but overall it was the best choice for her and us as a family.
149 posts