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Brick Wall!!! - Carers UK Forum

Brick Wall!!!

Share information, support and advice on all aspects of caring.
Hiya again folks, hope everyone is keeping their chins up.....

I've only just realised how comforting a site like this can be, it both reassures me and concerns me that there are so many of us that have the compassion to do the right thing! We don't deserve medals! Just the acknowledgement that we have put our own lives on hold for a wee while, so as to do what should come naturally! I know for a fact that it breaks my Mum and Dad's heart's to watch me put my life on hold for them, but I'm glad they understand when I explain to them, that I am not even close to repaying the kindness and care that they have shown me over the years......and I admit that I've been more than a handful at times! lol
It's just so frustrating at times, to watch the rest of the world waltz freely through life, knowing only good times, when without that said world's knowledge, so many of us take a step sidewards and bow our heads, and for the majority of the time simply smile and wish them well....I'm sorry if I sound bitter, honestly I'm not, and nothing makes me more contented, than to see a hard working person find happiness! I mean that too folks! It's just that when I ask for even the most basic of help, 2 hours a week with the cleaning for example! I am told by those that are PAID to notice our plight, that they will send a cleaner to give me a hand, IF I PAY OF COURSE! So the 32 year old ex soldier, having put aside his job, wife, car and house is now told that help will come yet again at a cost! It just annoys me, that I am limited to the amount of income I can earn without social services investigating if my Mother with latter stages of Huntington's disease, and my bed bound Father aged 82 years are getting suitable care from me!!! Basically I have been warned by those who are there to help, that I WILL dance to their tune, and sacrifice any hope of a 'normal' existence!
I apologise folk's, please don't take my pessimism to heart lol This has just been a really good way of letting off a little steam, and I know that a lot of you will understand too....Image
Like I've said before, I wouldn't change my situation even if somebody else offered to step in! I'd need to be sorting things anyway! It's just annoying that after a full year now, as full time carer of two severely disabled folks, well, I just thought that somebody else, especially one who is paid to be AWARE, would, well, let me have just ONE day off!! but I just keep banging my head against that big brick wall! I think I'll call the wall Sid, or maybe Greg! Luv you guy's x Trev
Hi Trev,

Please forgive me if I'm barging in here, but one thing I've found a lot of the time is that knowledge can be a huge key to getting "things done around here" and, possibly, one of the biggest barriers I've faced is the general lack of acknowledgement of places that might possibly be of some help to me. Even social services wouldn't pass anything on to me that I might use just to make my caring role that little bit easier.

So my niece stumbled across my local carer's association last year and passed my details on just in case they could do anything at all to help us. I registered as a carer with the county council (which social services don't do for you - they register you as a carer on their system and that's it) and I now have peace of mind in the knowledge that should I need emergency hospital treatment, my caree will be looked after while I'm gone.

I also have their help ans support whenever I need it for advice and things like that so you might like to join your local carer's association just for that. Seeing that you are in Nottinghamshire, I googled it for you and found out that they are broken down depending on which area you are living in so I'll post the link for you to take a look at and possibly pick the one that's in your area http://www.selfhelp.org.uk/sub_c.html
No problem, Audrey. I'm here to help as much as I can Image

You, too might like to try your local carer's association as well... they might be of some help to you in getting at least a few hours off.
Hi there Trev - as Audrey says, I have no words of wisdom, only that yes, I do understand and I'm sure that all that you do for your Mum and Dad is appreciated, and hey they're the ones who matter?
Pity that the paid people can't offer you more help!
If I lived closer to you, I would offer you some respite - and I never say things that I don't mean! xx
as a veteran you can get help from the welfare service via the service personal and veterans agency, you dont have to be ill or disabled yourself for support , also your old regiment may be able to help you , i received cash from the Royal Engineers for STAN my father, when i was a wee bit out of pocket after the purchase of a stair lift ....
Very interesting theme here.It is good to follow the views of others.I know,within my local carers group,of freinds who are a bit bitter and feeling a bit out-of-things,due to being full-on carers.

Ive been there myself.Its too easy to become world-hating.Ive found there heaps of help out there,just trying to find it,thats a pain.

But,I find sounding-off here is very liberating.The KINDNESS,WARMTH,THE GOODNESS HERE,just humbles me.

Folks here are so good,it staggers me every single day,every time I come here.

Its a fantastic place to restore ones faith in human nature,which,being a carer,I find,takes a bashing.

Here,My Belief in humanity is restored.
i remember my last day offf from worry and caring- it was the 25th july 2002- the next day i had a scan to tell me id have a terribly dissabled baby
was an awful day any way that complete plank had said in the morning if they find anything wrong u aint keeping it! thank god for my parents (who havent had a day off from since 1981!)

i like u- ure a nutter, a honest nutter as well!
Falling silent is not one of my regular habits.BUT I cant even find the words for any coment which could be worthy of a responce to your deeply,deeply moving words.

I can only fumble,stammer,and try to just offer mere.........well,.........mere what?.

Just can say.....utterly feeble words,so,I wont even try.

You just WOW me with your great strength.A carer is a MIGHTY Being,A MOTHER who is a CARER,and all Moms are,ofcourse,IS A POWERFULL Woman.Care and Love are a great energy that just beats all else.

God,I found words Pixie!.I hope they are even close to my feelings of respect,I think Not.

There are no words.
hahahahaha maxi see not completely speachless!
I took the decsion at 20 yrs old that being a mum was a 24 hour 7 day a week job, id just have a few extra bits to do , made me grow up and learn its upsetting at times but i couldhave done wot that plank wanted and get rid so glad im a stubborn biatch!

Hope you access help via your local carers group.

When Dad moved house into sheltered housing we accessed funds from SSAFA to foot the bill as Dad couldn`t afford it and he had served in the REME. They also helped a friend when she was ill following a heart attack and couldn`t get the council to refund the advance rent she had paid half an hour before her collapse. Her connection with the armed forces was through he step father who had been in the army. I think SSAFA have a general webpage, then local contact numbers.

Make sure you have had a carers assessment and if yours was done some time ago ask for an update. Point out that even prisoners have some "free" time within the system and you want to know if help can be provided to allow you some time out for yourself.

Do you have "Crossroads" in your area? Dad has a lady comes for two hours on a Friday afternoon and will take him or go shopping for him and in the summer they sometimes go out for afternoon tea so I can get free run of the house to do some cleaning.

When mum was alive and before we moved back to the family home to care for my parents we had a local authority homecarer to help them get washed and dressed, breakfast and tablets every morning. When we moved back the SS wanted me to do it, as well as attending my own disabled OH, but I stood firm and made sure I was out for that hour every morning..................the only way to get my "free" time. It usually entailed returning via the bakery with breakfast rolls, but it was a help to know that every day I could at least get out for some fresh air.

There will be some others along with brilliant suggestions soon. At least now you are not alone. Finding this site was the best thing I ever did.

Take care