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Breakdown in relationship between donor and POAs - Carers UK Forum

Breakdown in relationship between donor and POAs

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Four months on from Mum moving into assisted living away from my sister, who has joint POA with me, their relationship has completely broken down and mine is very guarded. Mum has continued her whispering campaign against my sister and we are both on the point of relinquishing our roles as joint LPA for Finance as it is becoming too problematic to continue in the light of her constant verbal attacks. (A historical note for new readers - her relationship with her daughters has always been difficult and sometimes punctuated with attacks both verbal and physical and it has certainly never been loving).

No other members of the family are likely to take on the POA for finance having watched in horror at Mum's behaviour.

My question is can we delegate the role to a solicitor to act as a professional attorney or does Mum have to do this herself? Her capacity fluctuates wildly from day to day, sometimes hour by hour and she continues to drink heavily and suffer regular falls in her flat over furniture.
Solicitor can act as executor if need be

Not just for reasons you describe, but simply some people don't have family, or even friends to entrust such things to
Almost certainly , specialist legal advice is the way forward.

POA law is a specialist area.

Changing the donee ... change the problem ???

At the end of the day , even the Court of Protection for a ruling if the donee and donor still do not see eye to eye ?
It's unfortunately not just a case of not seeing eye to eye. Mum likes people to pity her and has been spreading false allegations which could potentially cause a lot of trouble. That's what I meant about pulling out of the role for our own safety.
Sarah, I would strongly suggest that you keep the POA and wear a thicker skin!

You don't say how old mum is, but clearly she is "troubled" possibly heading for dementia, because nastiness can be one of the signs, and if she was never especially nice to start with, that can be difficult.

To protect yourselves, make sure you document all income and expenditure, not taking out any cash, but using a credit or debit card at all times so there is an audit trail.

What exactly is mum saying?

I've had POA for three people. Each situation is different.
My brother was very ill, with pancreatic cancer, and his wife was a pain in the a***. She came from Uruguay, didn't understand our legal system. When I was about to sell his house she cancelled the POA before investigating. He died before any new one was set up, meaning the house sale couldn't go through!!
My mum was housebound and disabled, but mentally OK. She trusted me totally, and was only too relieved that I handled all the money side of things for her.
My son has learning difficulties, the POA means I can help him spend his money on what he wants.

If you are determined to relinquish your POA then Social Services will have a " client affairs department" who can become attorney for mum instead. Have a look at the LA website for more info.
Having anyone else holding POA will cost more....solicitors etc are bound to charge.

But, yes, you definitely need to safeguard yoiurself from any 'irrational' accusations. Has your mum been deemed to have dementia or other form of 'mental incapacity'? If that is 'acknowledged' and 'official' then I would say that any accusations will be treated as 'not valid' for that reason.
The very fact that she has moved into "assisted living" shows that her health, mental or physical, has substantially declined. Is it her own flat, or rental?
Mum was the one stalking my sister and using physical violence on both of us earlier in the year. I posted about her behaviour here and had lots of good help from you all.

She is diagnosed as mild dementia. She claims to strangers and acquaintances to have been 'beaten' and currently claims to all and sundry that she has been 'abandoned'. We think she is also claiming that her money is going missing - which it isn't. She spends the pensions but deliberately hides receipts because they document the alcohol she is buying.
Sarah, hadn't realised you were THAT Sarah! I must say, that situation you described earlier was pretty damn 'out of it!'....the very idea of her prowling around the garden at night attacking the windows...good grief!

I can see why you are 'wary' in terms of her accusations now. (Thank heavens she is out of the annexe!).

I think maybe it depends whether you expect to inherit any money from her. If you do, then as I say, paying a solicitor to do PoA etc is a 'waste', but it might still be worth it for peace of mind. But if you don't expect to inherit anything, then she might as well blow what she has, including on solicitors charging her for PoA work.

To be honest, now I know you are 'that' Sarah, I'd advocate washing my hands of her totally, including financially. Just hand everything over to a solicitor and say 'over to you, mate'. As you know, you have NO legal duty of care to her, and are free to 'abandon' her (which she deserves, doesn't she, sigh)

Did she ever make a will? Are you/your sister an executor? If so, at least you will find out what is left in the kitty at some point.

It's good she has dementia (is it 'official'?) as like I say, folk won't believe her anyway - just 'confabulation'. Also if she is an alcoholic of course!

At leaset handing it all over to a laywer saves you the bother of keeping recepts etc etc.

All the best with it - sounds like this is is the last item to tick off. (It's been a VERY painful process for you and your sister!)
Thanks Jenny. Got to the point where I think all her and my late Dad's money would be well spent if it all went on care and solicitors fees and no further input needed from us. I am considering ceasing the duty visits too, not that there is more than one a month but it is a 70 miles each way to get whinged and ranted at (and I also have to take my husband for my own safety).