My mother is almost 84 and is, by and large, fairly independent normally. Lives on her own and is a classic introvert, although at times she complains of being lonely. She attends a day-club once a week. She has friends locally and nationally, but never phones them, doesn't write letters, won't invite her local buddies to come have a coffee....she basically isolates herself and seems to rely on me for her social interaction. I have two sisters, both of whom live too far away to be useful (one in Canada, one about an hour and 20 mins drive away). My sister in law (and her three kids) live about two miles away. My brother died suddenly 9.5 years ago.
Mum doesn't leave the house unless picked up by car at her door and vice versa. I do her shopping, pay her bills, look after her finances and deal with everything offical for her. She has a fortnightly cleaner and is still normally capable of loading the dishwasher, washing machine etc, and will use her hoover a couple of times a week quite happily. Before Christmas, she was baking presents, making jam, and until last Thursday was happily cooking for herself. She uses a walking stick outside the house, but normally is fine with just that. She does have the occassional fall and has a community alarm. We have a three wheeled trolly thing for her when she's not feeling full of beans, and she uses that if she feels the need (it took some persuading but it's now "wonderful").
On Thursday last week she crouched down to pick something up, lost her balance and rolled over onto her back, in her carpeted living room. She called the alarm people as she couldn't get herself up. I was out at a yoga class, and my sister in law was at work, so the alarm people came to help her. By that time she HAD got herself up, as she had to unlock the door for them (we've now bought a keysafe and will fit it this weekend). Call out person checked her over and called a Doctor in to see her, just to be safe. Dr pronounced her fine, told her to take painkillers and keep moving gently to stop her seizing up, but he didn't even think she'd bruise. And she hasn't.
However, since then, she's pretty much lain in bed all day, not eating, not drinking, not taking her meds. It doesn't matter what I say, she ignores me. "I can't" seem to be her favourite words.
It's now Thursday and she's still laying in bed, despite being told repeatedly that it's the worse thing she can do for her pain. We're all making her get out of bed when we visit. I KNOW she's in pain, but the only fix is following doctor's orders. She won't take painkillers unless she's made to either. She has medicated plasters for her back that I believe are a mild local anaesthetic, and uses two each day. Despite being able to show us exactly where on her back they need to go, she "can't" put them on herself, so I or my husband have to go up each morning to do it for her.
I've suggested I take her to the minor injuries dept, to double check and maybe get x-rayed, but she refuses. She keeps saying that she can't move, can't get to the car, can't sit in the car..... I'm at a loss, totally. I can't call an ambulance for a sore back. We end up at stalemate, her groaning about how much pain she's in, and me crying in frustration that she won't do anything at all to help herself. She has been checked twice now by the doctor, who's refusing to come out to her now - it's 100% behavioural, in her estimation.
I feel totally abandoned. I can't physically force her to move. As a side note, she's a total expert in emotionally blackmailing me and I'm exhausted by the emotional battering I'm getting from her. The dramatic phone calls are so distressing that I've stopped answering the phone to her and make her leave a message so I can prove to others how she's talking to me. I'm having panic attack after panic attack, and feel so hopeless.
I think I know the cause. On Thursday, when we went up after I got home (10pm), I realised her cat was struggling to breathe (18 years old), and we realised that it was time for him. He's been deteriorating for 4 months and we just knew he'd had enough on Thursday. I took him to the vet on Friday and I know that she's grieving for him (he was my brother's cat initially, so there's extra pain there). I'm devastated myself as he was the most gorgeous, loving, cuddly ginger boy.
I don't know how best to help my mother. I have medical conditions myself and feel this situation is getting out of control. The consequences of my losing control of my own health are dire - I have severe asthma, serious depression and epilepsy. I'm terrified.
My husband and sister in law are both helping loads, and my two sisters are (I believe) telling her the same stuff as we are ,about tkaing painkillers and keeping moving and getting out of that darn bed. But she's ignoring us all. Somehow, I'm to fix it, without her doing anything herself. I'm desperate.
Mum doesn't leave the house unless picked up by car at her door and vice versa. I do her shopping, pay her bills, look after her finances and deal with everything offical for her. She has a fortnightly cleaner and is still normally capable of loading the dishwasher, washing machine etc, and will use her hoover a couple of times a week quite happily. Before Christmas, she was baking presents, making jam, and until last Thursday was happily cooking for herself. She uses a walking stick outside the house, but normally is fine with just that. She does have the occassional fall and has a community alarm. We have a three wheeled trolly thing for her when she's not feeling full of beans, and she uses that if she feels the need (it took some persuading but it's now "wonderful").
On Thursday last week she crouched down to pick something up, lost her balance and rolled over onto her back, in her carpeted living room. She called the alarm people as she couldn't get herself up. I was out at a yoga class, and my sister in law was at work, so the alarm people came to help her. By that time she HAD got herself up, as she had to unlock the door for them (we've now bought a keysafe and will fit it this weekend). Call out person checked her over and called a Doctor in to see her, just to be safe. Dr pronounced her fine, told her to take painkillers and keep moving gently to stop her seizing up, but he didn't even think she'd bruise. And she hasn't.
However, since then, she's pretty much lain in bed all day, not eating, not drinking, not taking her meds. It doesn't matter what I say, she ignores me. "I can't" seem to be her favourite words.
It's now Thursday and she's still laying in bed, despite being told repeatedly that it's the worse thing she can do for her pain. We're all making her get out of bed when we visit. I KNOW she's in pain, but the only fix is following doctor's orders. She won't take painkillers unless she's made to either. She has medicated plasters for her back that I believe are a mild local anaesthetic, and uses two each day. Despite being able to show us exactly where on her back they need to go, she "can't" put them on herself, so I or my husband have to go up each morning to do it for her.
I've suggested I take her to the minor injuries dept, to double check and maybe get x-rayed, but she refuses. She keeps saying that she can't move, can't get to the car, can't sit in the car..... I'm at a loss, totally. I can't call an ambulance for a sore back. We end up at stalemate, her groaning about how much pain she's in, and me crying in frustration that she won't do anything at all to help herself. She has been checked twice now by the doctor, who's refusing to come out to her now - it's 100% behavioural, in her estimation.
I feel totally abandoned. I can't physically force her to move. As a side note, she's a total expert in emotionally blackmailing me and I'm exhausted by the emotional battering I'm getting from her. The dramatic phone calls are so distressing that I've stopped answering the phone to her and make her leave a message so I can prove to others how she's talking to me. I'm having panic attack after panic attack, and feel so hopeless.
I think I know the cause. On Thursday, when we went up after I got home (10pm), I realised her cat was struggling to breathe (18 years old), and we realised that it was time for him. He's been deteriorating for 4 months and we just knew he'd had enough on Thursday. I took him to the vet on Friday and I know that she's grieving for him (he was my brother's cat initially, so there's extra pain there). I'm devastated myself as he was the most gorgeous, loving, cuddly ginger boy.
I don't know how best to help my mother. I have medical conditions myself and feel this situation is getting out of control. The consequences of my losing control of my own health are dire - I have severe asthma, serious depression and epilepsy. I'm terrified.
My husband and sister in law are both helping loads, and my two sisters are (I believe) telling her the same stuff as we are ,about tkaing painkillers and keeping moving and getting out of that darn bed. But she's ignoring us all. Somehow, I'm to fix it, without her doing anything herself. I'm desperate.