anyone know what to do?

[Chris From The Gulag]

she is 60 and has a multitude of health problems that all come from a spinal cord injury. this has resulted in her gradually loosing mobility and problems with motor control, bowel/bladder issues etc

Is CHC / NHS Continuing Healthcare a factor here :

https://www.carersuk.org/forum/support- ... read-35998

[leeniepie]

Is CHC / NHS Continuing Healthcare a factor here :

https://www.carersuk.org/forum/support- ... read-35998
[/quote]

thank you for the link to this information. I vaguely remember there was some question a while ago about whether social services or the NHS had to sort out my mums care, and someone (no idea who) decided it should stay with social services. This may be useful for the future though.

[Chris From The Gulag]

I vaguely remember there was some question a while ago about whether social services or the NHS had to sort out my mums care, and someone (no idea who) decided it should stay with social services. This may be useful for the future though.

From the CHC rationing thread :

NHS guidelines state that at a full reassessment, a team of professionals should try to see the care recipient in person. Family members should also be invited to attend and given 'sufficient' notice.

However, some families say only one nurse attended their meetings, which means some funding decisions are being made by people who have never even met the patient concerned.

'I now rarely attend assessments where a full multi-disciplinary team is present,' says Fiona Lower, a former nurse who now helps families at reassessments.

'The nurse is unable to make a recommendation on their own; a recommendation is made following a team meeting at an office. This therefore denies the patient, the family and advocates the right to comment prior to a decision being made.

Full sp on the MAIN CHC thread ... this section :

CHC : WHAT IS IT / QUALIFICATION / ASSESSMENTS / VIDEO ( PROFESSOR LUKE CLEMENTS )

[bowlingbun]

Once you accept that

mum's condition is only going to get worse and worse
she is always going to expect youu to do something before asking anyone else
ultimately it will be something YOU do that will change things for the better for you, you can begin to sort things out.

YOU CANNOT BE FORCED TO CARE FOR MUM, AT ALL.

It is your choice!! Mum does not have a say in this, her choice is whether to stay home with carers or move into residential care.

First step has to be getting Social Services to do a new Needs Assessment for mum and Carers Assessment for you.
Both should be WRITTEN.

[Elizabeth_1602123]

I think you could consider getting your Mum a visitor from a church or an elderly project etc. My Grandma had one and they do this at a good neighbours scheme near us. Its for people who don't go out and need some support etc.I'd look at this as a first step and tell Mum you cant do everything.
I'd also look at the social services needs assessment as previously mentioned.
Lots of elderly people don't want to do to groups/clubs etc, My Mum is exactly the same she wont. Maybe your Mum would benefit more from a 1-1 person?

[Lisa_191112345]

Hi i saw your message and my situation is very similiar i would say its important you do.look after yourself and preserve your relationships and emotional dependance is very hard

[Christine_2010]

Hi Leeniepie, I expect with the virus situation things have got a bit worse. I would advise getting onto the social work department to get a care package in place. If no adequate response get on to your MP.
Hope things have since improved for you and your poor mum. I’m 70 and quite disabled, for the past year I’ve had my granddaughter as my official Carer since she became 16. Her home life was not ideal and she had no job or the hope of getting one. I try to keep things light and let her get on with her own things as a teenager should. None of us are living an ideal life and I try to look on the bright side. What else is there to do. I like the tv and have all the channels, sometimes the choice is too much. You tube is wonderful for watching people doing things like exploring the countryside and wild camping, going places that I would love to go. Also Listening to music and reading. If your mum could achieve contentment with small things I’m sure her life could be much happier. I’m not a real “joiner”. Some people are not suited to clubs and groups. That doesn’t mean they can’t be happy and enjoy the bits of company and communication they are presented with.
All the best to you and your mum and I hope things are improved for you. Xx

[Joanne_2008]

You say you don't think she's quite at sheltered housing point yet but its definitely something she will need in the future.

If she lacks mobility, motor control, is wheelchair dependent and has continence issues, who is providing the personal and social care for her on a daily basis (personal hygiene/intimate care, laundry, shopping, cooking etc)?

Sheltered housing has many different types, anything from fairly independent living for the 50+ where a warden visits once a day, semi sheltered care which can involve the residence having their own apartment but wardens on site, and very sheltered housing.

I had a quick look at my local housing association that is for the over 50s and they offer housing with care, supported housing, sheltered housing and very sheltered housing as the types they offer. Another local housing association has similar tiers - enhanced sheltered, extra care and close care for the types of properties they manage.

I am a carer for a lady in her 70s with mobility issues. When she had greater mobility a few years ago, I took her to view a lovely studio flat in a great care home that had its own cooking facilities and TV which was in the nice part of town and right next to her beloved bus route. She could have joined in the social activities and enjoyed cooked meals in the other part of the property if she wished or kept herself fully to herself.

As it happens, she was disgusted and disappointed with what was on offer and turned it down. As a result she has now suffered in her own general needs housing association flat that she's been unable to leave due to steps for over a year, feeling very isolated and lonely which then led to poor mental health, poor personal hygiene and issues relating to nutrition as she can't cook for herself.

As you are finding out, some people are resistant to taking responsibility for their well-being and cannot make any changes that would improve their well-being, or see the impact of the way they run their life on the others around them.

[bowlingbun]

You cannot change mum, but similarly the only power she has over you is the power you let her have. Only when forced to move will she move, and the more you do for her the longer that will be. Only when you reduce the care you give will change happen.