Hi all, im new here. I really am at the end of my tether and need some advice from people who are in the same situation/have had similar experiences.
I have been 'caring' (I find it odd to use that word as I haven't always been a physical carer, only sometimes, the majority of my 'caring' role has been emotional and support as well as physical) since I was young. My mothers condition has deteriorated over time and now she is pretty much house bound, as she has to use a wheelchair. she does not have any other family or a partner, so I am her sole means of emotional support, which is the bit I find the most draining. Over the last 5 years it has got progressively worse, and now I really am at my wits end. every time I see a call from her flash up on my phone, instead of thinking 'oh great its mum' etc, all I feel is 'oh god what now'. She does not understand how anything she goes through (and the fact that she only has me to talk to about it) could possibly be stressful for me too. i tried to talk to her about how things affect me, and all i get is a sarcastic 'well sorry for bring such a burden to you and such an inconvenience to you', or 'im your mum and you should want to support me, i'd do it for you'. It has become even worse since I moved out. Before that it was pretty bad - my partner works shifts and so we only got to see each other once a week. I would stay at his for one night, and she couldn't even leave me alone for that 24hours. if I didn't speak to her when she rang/messaged me, she would have a massive go at me, accuse me of ignoring her, saying how she obviously wasn't as important as him etc (im not sure if she is genuinely jealous of him, or possibly the fact that I have a partner and she doesn't?). Since I have moved out she messages me every day, says I don't care because I don't go round to see her every week (i work full time, its a 40mile round trip), and overacts to everything I say. she is moaning at me so much, that I have no desire to go round to see her, which makes things worse. I have felt more stressed out by her since I left than ever before. im worried it is going to start affecting my relationship, as I feel like all I ever do is moan to my boyfriend about how much shes driving me crazy. I have felt more and more negatively towards her over the last few years, and I hate myself for it, but, for want of better phrasing, I just cant be bothered with it anymore. I want to just get on with my own life, and actually look forward to seeing her, rather than only making contact because I feel I have to, and that she will have a go at me if I don't.
I think her problem is that she is SO emotionally dependant on me, and I don't know what to do about it. i've tried for years to get her to join clubs/classes/social groups, to volunteer etc, with the hope of getting her to meet new people, but she just wont (and then moans about how lonely she is and how she never goes out and does anything). I know for any parent having theor child leave home is a big thing, and that it must be worse for a single parent, but im an adult with my own life to live. I feel like im finally doing something for me, and I want to be happy, but this is really getting me down and putting a damper on what should be a really happy new start in my life. I just don't know what to do.
I have been 'caring' (I find it odd to use that word as I haven't always been a physical carer, only sometimes, the majority of my 'caring' role has been emotional and support as well as physical) since I was young. My mothers condition has deteriorated over time and now she is pretty much house bound, as she has to use a wheelchair. she does not have any other family or a partner, so I am her sole means of emotional support, which is the bit I find the most draining. Over the last 5 years it has got progressively worse, and now I really am at my wits end. every time I see a call from her flash up on my phone, instead of thinking 'oh great its mum' etc, all I feel is 'oh god what now'. She does not understand how anything she goes through (and the fact that she only has me to talk to about it) could possibly be stressful for me too. i tried to talk to her about how things affect me, and all i get is a sarcastic 'well sorry for bring such a burden to you and such an inconvenience to you', or 'im your mum and you should want to support me, i'd do it for you'. It has become even worse since I moved out. Before that it was pretty bad - my partner works shifts and so we only got to see each other once a week. I would stay at his for one night, and she couldn't even leave me alone for that 24hours. if I didn't speak to her when she rang/messaged me, she would have a massive go at me, accuse me of ignoring her, saying how she obviously wasn't as important as him etc (im not sure if she is genuinely jealous of him, or possibly the fact that I have a partner and she doesn't?). Since I have moved out she messages me every day, says I don't care because I don't go round to see her every week (i work full time, its a 40mile round trip), and overacts to everything I say. she is moaning at me so much, that I have no desire to go round to see her, which makes things worse. I have felt more stressed out by her since I left than ever before. im worried it is going to start affecting my relationship, as I feel like all I ever do is moan to my boyfriend about how much shes driving me crazy. I have felt more and more negatively towards her over the last few years, and I hate myself for it, but, for want of better phrasing, I just cant be bothered with it anymore. I want to just get on with my own life, and actually look forward to seeing her, rather than only making contact because I feel I have to, and that she will have a go at me if I don't.
I think her problem is that she is SO emotionally dependant on me, and I don't know what to do about it. i've tried for years to get her to join clubs/classes/social groups, to volunteer etc, with the hope of getting her to meet new people, but she just wont (and then moans about how lonely she is and how she never goes out and does anything). I know for any parent having theor child leave home is a big thing, and that it must be worse for a single parent, but im an adult with my own life to live. I feel like im finally doing something for me, and I want to be happy, but this is really getting me down and putting a damper on what should be a really happy new start in my life. I just don't know what to do.