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Anger at family member who is moving away - Page 2 - Carers UK Forum

Anger at family member who is moving away

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It's not helpful to wind your wife up further by expressing your anger. That's a luxury you can't afford!
I'm not so sure. Dean has put up with lot, for many years....none of this situation is of his making. his MIL sounds like she was very happy to tell him of his 'duty' to her daughter.

I personal think - my opinion only! - that so much depends on the emotional dynamic between wife and mother.....IS that a fundamentally healthy one, or has the mum 'infantilised' her own daughter all these years.

Mental health is so key to happiness in any circumstances, and whilst physical infirmity of course has a negative impact on mental health, it may not be the 'root cause' here?? As I said, It MAY MAY MAY (???) actually do Dean's wife GOOD to be 'less involved' with her own mother from now on?????

I'm only guessing though - I may be completely wrong on this!

Maybe it all depens what the relationship between wife and mum was BEFORE the disability hit??? (if that is so?)
An added thought - re your MIL, do you think she has fallen into the hands of a controller? I only say this because you've said she had a bad experience with a former husband, and that she has 'suddenly' become so enthusiastic about heading off with him.

controllers will 'love bomb' their victims at first, to get them so infatuated and obsessed they don't think straight, and the classic next move is to physically get them away from their family, to isolate them.

If your MIL has not been 'wise' in her choice of men, is she making a similar mistake again now?

Just a thought - no idea if it will ring true or not, but you never know!

In which case, at some point it will all come to grief....
Thanks for your comments everyone, I will do my best to answer all. I must point out that I am in no way fuelling the situation or making my wife more angry, I have at this point stayed relatively quiet, and said nothing, only to reassure my wife that I'm not going anywhere and won't leave her. I cannot speak for her mum, I can only say that what will be will be, we may not like the decision she has made, but we will have to just respect it and move on, well I will at least because I have to. I have come here to vent my frustration, let off some steam and seek some advice maybe.

My wife's conditions are a lot of umbrella symptoms but mostly are:
*postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome (PoTs)
*autonomic dysfunction
*Mitral valve prolapse
*degenerate disc disease
*elhers danlos syndrome (type3)
* lung disease, (being investigated, COPD or PPFE,specialist unsure which one at this time)
*vaginal and rectal prolapse.
*anxiety and depression

There are of coarse other symptoms such as joint subluxations, the ability to swallow adequately, choking ,kidney and liver infections, and at this point she has been fighting an infection for the last few years. She has a PEJ tube for feeding, well had one, unfortunately it was taken out by emergency surgery as that got an infection and she almost died of sepsis. Since then she has been recovering and her site should of healed within 2 months, a year later we are still here, no PEJ tube for feeding, so it's a soft diet for now which is doing a little bit, but it's not ideal because of the gastroparesis and swallowing problems. She is losing weight. STRESS is a massive part of the fight, not just because is a mental issue, but the strain it puts on her heart and other interior systems.anxiety with an autonomic dysfunction is quite a bad combination.

I can't type anymore I have to go, but I will come back and answer some of the comments here. Thanks again.
Dean, that is a HUGE amount for your family to deal with.
Has your wife had an NHS Continuing Healthcare Assessment? I believe that anyone PEG fed gets a higher score, but it's now too long ago since I applied for my mum that you need to read up, initially on the "checklist assessment".

At very least, you should be getting support from Social Services.
As part of my Carers Assessment I asked for funding for counselling, a request that was granted.
CHC / NHS Continuing Healthcare ?

Main thread :

https://www.carersuk.org/forum/support- ... read-35998
Is she with a controlling man? No, that's not the case here, it's because it's her first love. She is besotted with him that she cannot think straight, and some other things which I will touch on tomorrow,I don't have the time to write now.

Not sure about the carers assessment, the council has dropped a lot of funding for carers last year, and my main support for myself doesn't exist anymore, it folded because it wasn't funded. It still runs on donations but the infrastructure has changed to the point I would have to start all over again and I just haven't got the head for it.

I'm fine, I can cope with all the bad stuff that happens, I just want the best for my wife and I will do whatever it takes to get her where she needs to be.

Catch up tomorrow, thanks again.:)