Angels or Ordinary Mortals

[cheryl]

Picking up on a point made on another thread quoted below.

Sue Ward
Carers are not martyrs, they are just people who care for their relatives in the best way they can.

Could it be that this general perception that carers are martyrs, angels, cornerstones of society has a baring on why so many do not receive the support and help that they so deserve? If carers are thought of as pretty near super human beings that they are extremely tough, exceptional people, particularly strong, exceptionally capable, unselfish etc is that why they are so often left to cope alone? Because people, politicians in particular believe that they can and will continue to cope no matter how difficult life becomes for them?
What do others think?

[farmer1961]

I think we (as carers) enter into orbit now and again (when some high profile case gets publicity) and are then 'out of sight, out of mind'. It's a bit like being pregnant (can't think of another analogy!), you can imagine what it's like but unless you've actually been pregnant you don't really know.
I think I run the gammet of how I see myself as a carer to be honest, all depending on how it's going. Sometimes I feel very sorry for myself and feel very worthy - not very attractive, other times I'm very adult, but somehow I manage to do OK for us- inspite of myself! I think when we talk to 'civilians' we tend to be too low key because we don't want to bore people as our lives can be routine and repetitive with the occasional crisis thrown in for good measure - this is where this 'angels or ordinary mortals' stems from.
Lisa x

[susieq]

I don't want to be an angel, martyr, superwoman or any other adjective - just want to be me now and then

[charles47]

The word that applies to me most often at the moment is any variation on "exhausted."

[Sprinter]

Angels, immortals and superheroes don't need help.

I guess that makes us all ordinary people.

[BertieBear]

I don't like it when people say I'm an angel or super-carer or anything like that. I think, in their minds, it excuses them from having to think too deeply about us. If I'm a 'super-carer' then they can rationalise it in their heads that they can't/won't ever do what I do because they're not 'super'. It's a way of separating us and them. We're different because we're angels so we're allowed to do the hard stuff, but they're just normal people so they wouldn't cope and so can't do it. If we were just normal people, it would bring home the reality that this could happen to anyone and they too might find themselves having to deal with everything we deal with.

I know I'm being general here. I don't think it's always the case, but I think it does happen.

[farmer1961]

So right Bertiebear.
I still wake up in shock sometimes that this has happened to my daughter, especially when in my dreams she's OK. When people say it can happen to anybody it's so true.

[sue31didit]

Yes, I remember that thread I said that in lol I really do feel some expect us to just cold shoulder things and carry on. Its like we are not allowed to feel, show emotion, react, get tired, get just fed up and want to put out coat on and get out.................thats what it feels like to me by those that are suppose to be helping and assisting us as 'service users'

[pixienubbins]

i always feel i cant talk to people who are not carers about wot i do for amy. they do that pity look
I dont want pity im her mum and id do anything for her and its only having cerys i am starting to see how much extra amy does need. but i dont want pity idlike support- id like some one to say- pop over for a cuppa or do u want to meet up in town

I over heard parents in the playground one evening talking, about thats the mum of that girl with the things on her legs, she must have it so hard

we no i dont, because amy is a very good girl and just lets me get on with wot she needs and understands in herself wot she can do and cant. but will give anything ago.
im no angle and im not super- i just want the best for my wonky girl like i want the best for my rather chunky baby girl. and wonky/chunky or not my girls willhave the best
how does that make me any different to any other parent? its always a 24 hour, 7 day a week job, i just have a few extra bits to do

[cheryl]

I feel there is a tendancy particularly by politicians to lavish praise/appreciation upon carers and that having done so......... along with some vague promises of "help" in the far distant future, after of course they've carefully considered what or how to help!

"Service users" another title that so annoys me there is something condesending and derogatory about the sound of it, far less respectful than say customer or client?