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I have now seen POVA allegations - heartbroken - Carers UK Forum

I have now seen POVA allegations - heartbroken

Share information, support and advice on all aspects of caring.
I made a request under the data protection act to see the allegations made to POVA about me. I am completely crushed and though there is a big part of me that wants to fight, another part of me doubts I can continue anymore. I feel like running away except I can’t leave my beautiful baby, as I know he is better because of me. My stomach has been churning all day.
Basically the care management team have painted me out to be a right villain. They have said so many things about me that are just complete lies – things I can disprove with evidence. They have said staff have witnessed several incidents of physical abuse – what!!!! All three examples they give I think have been reported by the same member of staff who just doesn’t agree with the way we do things. And what is the physical abuse? Putting a towel under my partners back ‘which looks uncomfortable’. Get real. If you were sat in a chair with curved back all day long, wouldn’t you want someone to help you stretch your back out slightly the other way? – I do this myself and it’s great to relieve an achy back. Another one – I hold his nose and tell him to breath out of his mouth – yes!!! As part of a speech exercise to help him with better breathe control. There is even a training tool available to everyone to do this – called powerbreathe. Asthmatics also practise this. Tying up his arm to promote use of his affected arm – yes, it’s called constraint based therapy and is practised widely in private rehabilitation and what’s more – it gets results!!!! – it got us results. The physio even practised this in hospital with my partner using a tubigrip. Why do they think I do these things in full view of carers? Because I have nothing to hide. What a pity a few people with NO KNOWLEDGE WHATSOEVER of brain injury rehabilitation are judging me incorrectly. They accuse me of not gaining consent – I have been telling them time and time again how important it is to get consent – ME, ME!!!! All the things I have been banging on to them about – they report me for, and I have emails a plenty to contest what they have said. There is even a sentence from a police representative to say they could consider charges for ill treatment of an incapacitated person. They are not going to, as the case was dismissed of course, this is just a legal sentence, I know, but seeing this written down, it goes right through me. I cannot believe anyone would think such things of me – I have done nothing. My partner, his family, all of our friends would contest this. Most of these things they have accused me of over the last year and a half have never been discussed with me. It is like they have purposefully not asked for my view and instead stored them up to attack me. If they were so concerned it is a little strange they have never discussed them with me don’t you think?
The people that are making accusations are completely unqualified to do so. They know nothing about brain injury, have no qualifications and they are not qualified to comment on what my partner would like or not, as they do not know him. They did not know him before the accident. How on earth do they know what is best? The only reason he has progressed is due to things I have done, or his family – YES WITH HIS CONSENT. Do they think I don’t talk to my partner? Just because they may not see it – why on earth would I have these conversations with carers around – they are personal – OURS. Same with his parents. They have these chats without them as we have no privacy as it is. Why must we have to do everything in front of them to prove it? Why is the default to distrust? Why am I judged by people who do not know us?
I just can’t bear it, I can’t stop crying I am just heartbroken. I have done everything for my lovely man, everything possible to get him the very best and I want to continue as I cannot possibly love him more than I do but I can’t bear this. I’m even contemplating ways to give up work and never let the NHS into our home and lives again. I just feel completely and utterly broken.
OMG littleratchet,
It's persecution at the very least.
They can't take constuctive criticism so they store all these imaginary things up to cover their backs.
I would get a solicitor fast. Take all your evidence and go for them.
They positively cannot be allowed to get away with this treatment of you.
Why would they take the word of somebody unqualified? It beggars belief!!!!
Wish I could help.
Please take care.
Oh Littleratchet
Please please don't let them do this to your mental health. I know what you are going through as I had unfounded allegations made against me too. They accused me of "inappropriatly touching" my son because I put his sheath and his legbag on him. (He didn't want one of the careworkers doing it he only wanted his dad or I to do it). I was also accused of using inappropriate language but they wouldn't tell me what i was supposed to have said. All because I gave one worker into trouble for really hurting my son by pulling on his leg to straighten it when it can't straighten because he has contractures.

I am so sorry to hear what you are going through and I wish I could say something to make you feel better.

oh, did I mention NO EVIDENCE was included in the POVA - not one scrap. NOTHING BECAUSE THERE IS NONE. The only thing they said (but did not show) they have evidence of is verbal abuse claims. I verbally abuse and intimidate staff. What exactly constitutes verbal abuse I wonder. I don't shout or even raise my voice to anyone, swear or get personal, so what is left? I'm five one and a size eight, I'm not remotely physically imposing. Again, never been told about these incidences. Evidence of verbal abuse, is this possible? Don't they mean a carer telling them I have verbally abused them to distract from the fact I have picked them up on doing things wrong. Hearsay - one side of the story, not evidence. Am I difficult, have I been hard to engage as they claim - you are damn right I have. It is hard to engage with people who do not involve you, try to take over your partners life and constantly tell you to do things that make no sense. Oh, did I also mention they operate without any guidelines? I requested them via FOI, guess what - they don't exist.
Hello again littleratchet,
this whole thing stinks.
Some nasty peice of work is playing with your lives to cover their own shortcomings up.
Where is their proof? They cannot say these things without proof or it's malicious slander.
Have you had any legal advice?
CAB if nothing else.
Please get professional help
Thinking of you
take care.
I think I need to see my solicitor asap, thanks daylily. i want to sue them, i really do, but what impact would this have on my partner's care? i have to think of that. wish i could just give up work and throw them all out, if i could afford to, and manage 24/7, i would in a blink, but i know it's not possible. we are so stuck.
If you do go the legal route I do not believe that they could afford to in any way jepardise any help you get.
I think they would have to take it very very seriously.
They try to intimidate and usually suceed because we are scared for the people we care for.
I've had it to deal with.
3 years of battling before I gave up, still wish I had had the strength to pursue it.
It's not an easy choice. I'm disgusted that this sort of thing is STILL going on.
You need the backing of someone with some clout-someone they have to take notice of and of course you need protection from them in case they start to make any more allegations.
Good luck littleratchet,
and take care.
LittleRachet,I have seen my notes and my son's notes, plus my husbands,from Social Services. I am stunned at some of the things I have read there, just because I was trying to do my best for my family.
It all goes to prove that professional staff;Social Workers or Care Agency staff, have NO IDEA how a family copes from day to day.
From every Carer I have talked to who has been through this, it seems to me that staff are bullying. That is all it is.

Keep your chin up,and stand proud. You are the one doing the caring. You are the one who loves your caree more than anyone else in the world. x
Big Hugs LittleR- I know how this crap can affect one. It messes with your head and makes you feel physically ill. LazyD is right - it is bullying. The workers involved are acting defensively- they are just thinking about their jobs. How is your GP involved in all this? Surely he or she should be having some imput here and be supporting you.
Get a solicitor Littler and also get your physio to give you a written plan for the physio you are doing to show you are doing it correctly and that they are just making uup anything to get at you.
Life is hard enough without those who are supposed to be there to help making it a hundred times worse.
I nearly gave up on our help as I could cope with the stress they were inflicting on me, but not on the stress they inflicted on oh, but you have to keep going and prove that right really is on your side.