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Extreme Caring Situations - Carers UK Forum

Extreme Caring Situations

Share information, support and advice on all aspects of caring.
As a former Carer 24/7 for years on end to a wife who took years to die I would suggest that many Carers such as myself suffered and still do suffer from Continuing Traumatic Stress Disorder, ( NOT-PTSD), the latter which is always in the news it seems. It has taken me 7 years since my wife died to regain my sanity!
Government and their Agencies' arbitrary rules beat me into submission to the extent that I had no life of my own!
The Human Rights of full time Carers are ignored and exploited beyond reason with no recourse in Law other than passing your loved one for whom you care into the hands of institutionalised imprisonment for the rest of their natural lives.
Need I say more?
Just one more thing! After 14 years of keeping my wife alive every day she died within ONE MONTH of her entering a so-called Nursing Home.
Hi Roy

What you have written about Continuing Traumatic Stress Disorder has rung a bell for me. I was officially carer to my dad but during those 20 years I cared for my paternal grandmother and mother who died 1999 and 2002 respectively. I was also a working single parent of two children who were more than a decade apart in age so not very well suited to be company for each other, I did not use the elder one as a babysitter. It was very hard and I dont know how I managed at all. Especially dealing with hospitals and failed discharges and social workers trying to say there was nothing wrong while my dad was having a second heart operation was extremely stressful and irritating. My dad died in 2012 and since then I have succumbed to quite a number of permanent rest of life health issues. I am quite sure that your mention of Continuing Traumatic Stress Disorder is what is happening to me.

Thank you for bringing this to my attention.
Best Wishes
I can identify with this too, at one stage I was supporting five very disabled/dying relatives all at once. I'm having counselling at the moment, and the counsellor has given me renewed courage to tell the "professionals" i.e. doctors, social workers, etc. how it really is for me. Yesterday, I told the ward sister looking after mum that after a series of problematical discharges, this time it MUST be different. This time I would be as damned difficult and bloody minded as it needed to ensure that they did the right thing in the right order, because I had simply had ENOUGH! No one wants to listen to me when mum is in hospital, but as soon as something goes wrong after discharge I'm the one who is left to sort it all out. The counselling sessions have made me realise that I'm always caring for everyone else, but I don't feel anyone really cares about me since the death of my husband seven years ago. My best friend goes on three or four holidays a year, but I'm made to feel guilty and unreasonable if I even ask for a likely discharge time plan so I can escape for a couple of days. Why?
I am learning all the time from this forum. Hate to sound like a vampire feeding of others experiences, but I suppose that's what I am.
And I'll continue doing it, as I want the best for my mum.
To the government depts who insist on thawating (I've defeated the Spell checker here) me in this process, down to the power companies who continue to rip the public off... I offer you this
Not funny or clever, but it makes me laugh.
Sometimes you need that, or you'll go mad! But I never mistake laughing for making a serious point... at least, I don't think I do???!!!
The hospitals depend on the fact that we love our carees and will only fight so far. I had a ward sister demand my dad's house keys so that she could discharge him, when I refused she said she would get a joiner to break into my dad's house because he was being discharged. This stressed my dad and he asked for the keys to the house. The discharge lasted less than 24 hours and my father was returned to the hospital where he died a few weeks later. Trauma is exactly the word for what we go through. Stay strong and good luck BB.

Thwarting I think is the word you are looking for
Duncaring, you've given me a brilliant idea, without even realising it. Mum has two front doors - the original one, and then they built a glass front door in front of it. Only the porch door is ever locked, so mum only has a key for this in hospital. I've got both keys on my ring, so I'm going to start locking the inside door, just in case. It's the only way you can get in or out, no side access. Mum has a key safe, but we always remove that as soon as mum is admitted, and put the numbers to 0000. It's surprising how many times people have tried to get in when mum's not there!
Sajehar, don't think of it as being a vulture, that's so negative. At college, we were taught not to "reinvent the wheel", but to learn from the experiences of others. Then, like Baldrick, you can develop a Cunning Plan. I just wish worrying over mum didn't lead to sleepless nights.
I feel for you all and know your hearts are in the right place.
I also feel the will be no answers in this life, only in the next.
Do what Jesus and Mohammed said ' love one another!' That's all any of us can do!
God be with you!
Salaam a lay coom!
Roy A. Who looks on A'Ghaidhealtachd as his second home. My wife loved Scotland as much as I do and we shared many happy times there even tho' she was so very ill.
Um, I don't think ward sisters are legally entitled to hire someone to break into someone else's house! What a thing to say to you!

Of course, she was probably being hammeered by her bosses to get a bed empty for another patient queing up.

I think all patients queing to get into a hospital bed shouldbe wheeled on trolleys up to the hospital's cheif executive office and left in his corridor. Mind you he probably won't be there - he'll be having his lunch on expenses somewhere with a bunch of other over paid self important NHS top dogs(whose salary could pay for half a dozen nurses at the least....)