Aggresive man

[Albert_1604]

My neighbour is a wonderful caring woman. Her husband is a strong man with
dementia. He refuses now to sit on the toilet pan but does his feaces in his trousers.
So she is having to wash them every day.
If she tries to stop him he hits her !
She is going to doctor to ask for advice, but any other ideas?
Throw away trousers?
He already wears incontinent pants.

[bowlingbun]

When it comes to physical abuse, it's time for residential care I'm afraid. Next time call an ambulance.

[Denis_1610]

There are many forms of dementia and it is sad how it can affect some people. No man in his right mind would behave like this. This man needs to be in a care home, where staff have training and equipment to handle problems like this. Have you suggested this to your neighbour?

[Albert_1604]

There are many forms of dementia and it is sad how it can affect some people. No man in his right mind would behave like this. This man needs to be in a care home, where staff have training and equipment to handle problems like this. Have you suggested this to your neighbour?

Yes I have but she just agrees with me but does nothing about it.
She has two grown up children who, I thought, would be concerned for their mother and suggest a home too.

[bowlingbun]

The only other thing you could consider is making a complaint of "Elder Abuse" to Social Services if the wife doesn't do anything.
I would, in your circumstances, because if he became extra aggressive, she fell, hit her head and died, it would be forever on my conscience.

[jenny lucas]

Yes,l agree. you need to run this up the flagpole to signal to 'the authorities' what is going on. in the end, the man has to be taken into 'protective care' in a care home.

it's just the same as if he had gone 'insane' and was running around with a machete or whatever. he cannot be allowed to be 'loose' any longer.

a care home will, most likely, dose him with tranquilliser, that will probably make him happier as well. And of course they will cope with the incontinence etc etc.

it's sad it's come to this, but there it is. for his poor wife's sake this has to be done. Sometimes, if she is reluctatnt to 'put her husband in a home' it is kinder that the decision is taken out of her hands, ie, by social workers who effectively 'section' him for a care home.

[Honey Badger]

When it becomes physical all bets are off.

Your friend must accept that she cannot look after herself or her husband if she is left in a heap on the floor unconscious or worse after having been struck by him. You hear about these things all the time with people receiving a fatal blow to the head, the worst kind is the one you don't see coming.. and dementia being as it is, predictability and rationality are out the window.

As Jenny said, protective care.
No reason she can't still be involved/support him there, just stop putting herself (and the wider public) at risk.

Best wishes

[Colin _1706]

Safeguarding in the community is not just about the person receiving care it is about the carer too.
I think a phone call to adult social care is due. Violence has no place in the home whatever the situation.

[Denis_1610]

It may be that this lady is doing nothing about it because she does not know what to do. I am sure she could get advice from her GP practice. You could refer her to the website of the Care Quality Commission for general information - www.cqc.org.uk. Or suggest she join this forum so that she could have a more-direct contact with us.

[Lizzie Carers UK]

Hi Albert. I am really sorry to hear about your neighbour. The forum members have provided helpful suggestions. It might be worth also signposting her to Alzheimer’s Society’s website. There is a page on there called ‘Aggression and looking after yourself’ which has some useful advice and information.
https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/about-dem ... tent-start
She might also want to consider joining a local carers' support group to share experiences and offer mutual support.