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advice please child now 19 - Carers UK Forum

advice please child now 19

Share information, support and advice on all aspects of caring.
hello all
Good or bad our child is now 19 !!!!
Many family and friends are trying to push us to put her into care
Which we don’t won’t to do our next option is a day centre
Ok for a few months it will work out very nice
but sooner or later she’ll end up in some corner
All by her self
But now we have social services on our backs put her here or put there
It’s now got to the point they seem to be mentally threatening us to put her somewhere or they will take her away from us we take care of her needs 24/7
Do we have any rights regarding our daughters welfare
Do we have rights to tell social services we no longer want them !
Thank you bev & conner
Hi Bev, that sounds a bit rough - why the hurry?.
Legally speaking, your daughter is probably technically now an adult in her own right, and you might wish to consult an expert solicitor if you are wishing to take some form of guardianship. Some charities like Mencap can help with this. And it isn't cheap. But as a parent you have no automatic right to make decisions on her behalf, just as you cant tell your non-disabled children what to do once they reach 16/18.
Do you have a long term vision? - something about where your daughter would like to live and what she might like to do when you become too old or frail to provide care yourself, or if you get run over by a bus?
I wouldn't want my daughters to have to be forced into caring, so I think some kind of gradual transition to more independent living by his mid-twenties might not be such a bad idea for my son, who is 16. Locally, so he will still have lots of contact, but a place he can call his own, where he can take more control over his life, to the best of his ability, and with the help of paid support workers.
Hi Bev, have you considered going down the direct payment route towards care? When my daughter left full time education at a boarding school it was fully expected that I would surrender her to a care home!! Not a chance, she lives at home with myself and her younger brother, attends an independent day-care establishment and has a better social life than I do!
This has been possible by using the direct payment scheme, it certainly isn't perfect, but the alternative was unthinkable. As for Social Services, try to work with them to enable you to secure the best possible outcome for your childs future, and do not allow anyone to intimidate you! Good luck, and remember, you are not alone.
Hi Bev and Conner, you say your daughter is 19, what is her disablility, and can she communicate, social services will take her opinion into account only if she can express it, social services cannot not remove her unless there is a danger to her or she asks to be removed, they might try and bully you to make decisions quickly as it clears there case loads and they can tick another one of the list. Take your time and explore all the options available, your input is important and should not be overlooked. Good luck, and i hope all turns out ok for you.
You haven't gone into specifics with the condition(s) that your daughter has, so before you do anything, I'd advise you to look into your rights and her rights either through a solicitor (as someone has already mentioned) and/or your local CAB.

If she is deemed to be "of sound mind" i.e. aware of the consequences her decisions can have on her life and the lives of those around her, she may be able to tell social services for herself what she wants and they'll normally accept it.

If she can't be deemed "of sound mind" this is where you will really need to know your rights because no one place will tell you everything that you need to know or are entitled to. A good place to start is to google her condition and add the words "UK forums" to the end (e.g Asthma UK forums) you might land lucky and find others who have been through or are going through the same thing as you so they may have a faq section to help or there might be threads that will apply to you - KNOWLEDGE IS POWER.
Good advice!
We have made the decision that our Down's Syndrome son (25) should move into a community living project as I feel unable to carry on caring for him, especially now my husband is also disabled. It will take several months to sort out the right care package for he as he is a very vulnerable adult who needs a watching brief 24/7. In the interim, to get him used to being away from the family, he will go one day a week to a workshop run by our local authority. They pack components for the electrical trade and 'employ' people with learning disabilities, although they are not paid for their services, it is more like a community centre really. We visited the workshop with our son and were most impressed by the atmosphere, which was friendly and caring. There is no pressure on the workers, and they do as much or as little work as they feel able, no performance targets, but they feel they are being useful. There are days out and lots of activities as well as the tasks assigned to them. Our son will start in a few weeks time when all the paperwork is completed. The only downside is that I have to take him and bring him home, as the workshop is 30 minutes + from here I will spend every Wednesday on the road! Image
you can as said before go for gaurdianship, so that you can help with decision making, also day care is the way i have went with my son now36,he has severe learning disability,severe epilepsy,mute,slight cerebral palsy,non-epileptic attack disorder, he has a better life than us i think, he goes 10 pin bowling,swimming,boccia,the pub, out for meals,walks in our 4 local country parks and a lot more.it was the best decision for us.social work wanted us to put him in care but i fought against it.