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Advice Needed Re. Anti-Social Neighbour - Carers UK Forum

Advice Needed Re. Anti-Social Neighbour

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I'm a part-time carer and have been "dealing" with an anti-social neighbour who has (wrongly) targeted me for 5 years now. Years ago, she was reported anonymously to the local anti-social unit (for various unreasonable behaviours) by two other neighbours, NOT me. She thinks it's me (I once told her noisy kids to shut up .... five years ago, and not since). She is very unpopular in our area. Her next door neighbour moved out due to her.

Before I padlocked my back garden, she used to vandalise it (e.g. broke my garden chair, constant trashing). It took me a while to realise it was her. When the trashing continued in the front garden (and still does), her daughter told me it was her!!!

The problem is she's deluded; whenever bad things happen to her (e.g. noticed her van bumper got vandalised) she thinks it's me (I wouldn't dream of doing such a thing). The most I've ever done is return her trash. I've since owned up to this, apologised (last October) and told her I'd never do this again. Her mother is like a rottweiller. When I asked her to leave my property she gave me death threats. I have reported this to the police and they've been cautioned. I've had nothing to do with this anti-social neighbour, e.g. no conversation, since - way back last October.

The problem is whenever something happens to her, she suspects me and retaliates. The recent nasty attack was finding snow INSIDE my front porch, plus a snowball with BLOOD on it. Since I didn't catch her doing this, I could take no action. Talking to her is fruitless, I don't know how to resolve this. She has an anti-social record. The local community police know of the situation. I really want this somehow resolved before my mum dies. Any ideas?
Oh dear...this kind of story never stop!!!

I was there once and it was one of some triggers of my husband's breakdown.

I am really sorry to hear...I do not know how you manage for the last 5 years. Only what I can suggest is to keep records with potos if possible and keep the police and SS busy. They have power to rehouse anti-social family I thought. 5 years sounds too long Image Image Image
Thanks for your concern fluffycat. It hasn't been constant in those 5 years - sporadic. However, for the last 6 months, the trashing of my front garden has been virtually every other day. I understand about records and photos. I have been noting the more nasty episodes (and taking relevant photos, e.g. of my smashed garden chair).

The complication is that she has been involving her young son in the trashing (don't get me started on the moral issue!!) She's passed on her distorted thinking to him, e.g. the day before the snow in my porch (co-starring the blood on the snowball), he was wailing outside my frontroom - angry and in pain. God knows what that was about - blaming me for something I guess (he keeps a lot of toys in their open front garden, was one broken?) It's the blood (on the snowball) that I found disturbing (in the wake of getting death threats). This is what I mean about how do I resolve the situation when I want nothing to do with her? She's deluded and a liar (blatantly denies the event where her daughter TOLD me it was her trashing my front garden) - so mediation isn't really an option.

Thankfully, I've become spiritually developed and am seeing it all as an on-going challenge/lesson. That said, it's a constant source of stress, e.g. what will I find each time I come home - one that I can well do without being a carer for a very elderly mother.

I would welcome more ideas/help, e.g. if someone else is going through something similar.
good friend of mine said dont call it anti social you must report the incidents as harassment it then becomes personal and not a social problem...
Hi Amy,

Well I groaned when I read your post. I've been there and done that!! You are going through hell aren't you?

I ended up selling my house and moving but I still dread the yobs finding me in my new house. Our car tyres were slashed and a screwdriver used to scratch all down the side of our car. Wild parties with drugs - yes I know what it's like - sheer hell.

All I can say is make a log of EVERYTHING no matter how small. Dates/times etc. Contact the Noise Pollution people at your local council. I went to the extremes of putting up a cctv camera so I could catch the yobs in action! It helps the Police and therefore helps you. You NEED evidence. You might not have the money to get a camera - some you can find fairly reasonably priced - ask the police to see if they can suggest anything. You shouldn't have to put up with this in your own home.

I felt helpless and very annoyed that nothing was done, that's why I ended up moving house. The police did question and caution my yobs but they still got away with it.

TRY the cctv camera - if you have evidence they can then be prosecuted and hopefully locked up!! I got my camera a little late in the day but I felt safer for having it there. Keep it running especially when you are out.
Good luck,
Elaine.
We lived next door to a nutter for 15yrs. She made our lives hell for most of that time. The local copper was a waste of time. The plumber up the road was a Special Constable and was the only real help we got. He could put the fear of God into her. This was back in the fifty's/sixty's though.
She used to tip her rubbish over the fence as she said our garden was like a refuse tip. She threw creosote up our front door and step. She drenched me with a bucket of water one morning on my motorbike going to work.
She tapped on the wall at the slightest sound from us.
She would run up and down her stairs as loudly as possible.
The lousiest thing she did, was to take down her curtains and stand at the window in her corset as my Dads hearse drew up the day of his funeral. Everyone else in the street had theirs drawn. The list is endless.
Our Gp told us to move when he heard her goings on. My wife was pregnant, and as she threw dirt onto the other side neighbours pram, we took his advise and at last had some peace.
I'm afraid she won as she drove the other neighbours out as well. We sold our house to a real rough tough family. We told them exactly what she was like as my wife new her. She said she wanted it even more, as she was going to make her pay for the grief she had caused us all. She did just that and drove HER out two years later.
Not much help to you I know, but these people make me wild and furious that they can ruin good law abiding folks lives to the point of suicide!

Pete Image Image Image
Thanks so much for your replies - fellow sufferers, ay? It's horrendous what some people put us through; it helps a little to know is isn't normal behaviour, i.e. bordering on mental illness.

I have thought about gathering hard evidence but realise that, even if she was TOLD to stop littering/trashing my front garden (by the anti-social unit), she wouldn't or could get out of it - she'd say it could be anybody/schoolboys (even though they don't throw empty cereal boxes etc!). Littering I can almost tolerate; it's what this may harbour/bring (e.g. vandalism as has been her past pattern. She's a council tenant with an anti-social record (which is why I call it anti-social and not harrassment). The only satisfaction I have is in tarnishing her name/reputation, i.e. letting others know of her pranks.

It might be soon to say but, very recent circumstances are leading me to believe she may be changing/stopping. (I saw her in the surgery's waiting room the day after the front porch bloody snowball event; I subtly "played up" signs of my distress). Last year I told her that the smashed garden chair incident caused me to go on high blood pressure tablets. Here's hoping she'll realise how low she's sunk to target someone caring for a very elderly mother.

To anyone in a similar situation, don't allow yourself to have a victim's mentality. I didn't - even though I was targeted. You're better than that. You can only be mentally oppressed if you allow yourself to be; there's a difference between the situation and who you are, how you can react/feel (to some extent). In the end, hold out until they do something so blatant that you can pin them down, report them.