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The dark toll that caring can take.... - Carers UK Forum

The dark toll that caring can take....

Share information, support and advice on all aspects of caring.
A sobering news story below

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article ... atoes.html

He was 40, had been caring for his mother for ten years, and was on anti-depressants.

Now, we cannot know either the personalities, or all the details - let alone of the ten previous years he spend caring.

All we really know is that caring can take a dark toll in some situations.

I know I mustn't 'over-imagine' this scenario, or make he out to be monstrous, and him much-put-upon - it could be quite the other way round.

My point is that those who cannot cope with long-term caring should not have to.....
He just snapped Jenny. Not right I know but I do have some sympathy. I wonder what help and support he was getting? 10 years is a long time. Very sad frankly
As the mother of someone who is brain damaged, it's a life sentence for the family. No one wants to know if you recognise you can't cope any more. Even the GP.
It sees this is just the opening summary by the prosecution. It will be jnteresting to hear the defence case, and the eventual verdict.
I agree, Mrs A. As I say, without knowing the people involved, a writer, for example, could 'write' this case in two completely opposite ways, one where the mum is saintly and the son a brute, and one where the mum is a nightmare (even if completely unintellionally!) and the son driven, as Helena says, to the edge and 'snaps' .

It doesn't sound like he 'intended' what happened, more than he manhandled his frail mum, and that her death came as a result of injuries he unintentionally called. I guess the case may depend on whether he did or didn't 'assault' her - but it does rather look as if he did....however much provoked.

I think my concern is that it is so easy for outsiders (ie, non-carers!) to think 'Good God, this is disgraceful - a grown man who attacks a frail, ill old lady - appalling!'

But 'we carers' know how incredibly challenging caring can be, especially when it goes on for ten years.

I know from myself that had I not been able to put my MIL in a care home, I seriously think I might have driven the car with both of us flat out in to a wall. And that was only after six months or so....

As I say, in the end I think the point is - some caring set ups are just not sustainable.

It's all just desperately sad all round.
Biased and sensationalist reporting.
Here's a less sensational report: http://www.stourbridgenews.co.uk/news/l ... y_is_told/