Hello, I need some advice.
I am getting married in February and is over 2 days far from home.
My fiance's grandfather, John, suffers with dementia, has severe hearing loss, has lost the use of one hand due to a stroke a few years ago and can't walk without aid and not very far. His wife, who is reasonable able apart from struggling to walk long distances, is determined to go to the wedding and take her husband with her.
I have tried to gently talk to my future mother-in-law, who is lovely, about it perhaps not being the best idea to drag John to a long wedding. Not out of inconvenience, I will happily bend over backwards to help make him as comfortable and safe as possible but I am very concerned about his welfare. I am by no means an expert but I was a carer for 3 years and my training told me, though it was a while ago, that it is distressing for dementia sufferers to be put in a stressful situation such as a wedding. But, my MIL told me that the grandmother would not go without John and that she is a very stubborn woman and would insist on going.
My FIL (it's his parents) is just as stubborn and wants them to be there. He doesn't know anything about the condition and is of the belief that taking his father out regularly is good for him. I can't comment on the validity of this belief but I do know that he will force John to the wedding if his mother wants it. I have considered suggesting to my more amenable MIL that perhaps they should ask a doctor if it is okay to bring John to the wedding.
Is there a way to gently persuade them it is not the best course of action? Or, am I completely wrong in thinking that it's a bad idea? And if they are insistent about going, what can I do to help John as much as possible?
Thank you in advance for any help you can offer. I hope I have not come across as heartless. And sorry it is so much text!
I am getting married in February and is over 2 days far from home.
My fiance's grandfather, John, suffers with dementia, has severe hearing loss, has lost the use of one hand due to a stroke a few years ago and can't walk without aid and not very far. His wife, who is reasonable able apart from struggling to walk long distances, is determined to go to the wedding and take her husband with her.
I have tried to gently talk to my future mother-in-law, who is lovely, about it perhaps not being the best idea to drag John to a long wedding. Not out of inconvenience, I will happily bend over backwards to help make him as comfortable and safe as possible but I am very concerned about his welfare. I am by no means an expert but I was a carer for 3 years and my training told me, though it was a while ago, that it is distressing for dementia sufferers to be put in a stressful situation such as a wedding. But, my MIL told me that the grandmother would not go without John and that she is a very stubborn woman and would insist on going.
My FIL (it's his parents) is just as stubborn and wants them to be there. He doesn't know anything about the condition and is of the belief that taking his father out regularly is good for him. I can't comment on the validity of this belief but I do know that he will force John to the wedding if his mother wants it. I have considered suggesting to my more amenable MIL that perhaps they should ask a doctor if it is okay to bring John to the wedding.
Is there a way to gently persuade them it is not the best course of action? Or, am I completely wrong in thinking that it's a bad idea? And if they are insistent about going, what can I do to help John as much as possible?
Thank you in advance for any help you can offer. I hope I have not come across as heartless. And sorry it is so much text!