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- Member
Thu Apr 28, 2022 5:59 pm
Thanks Melly,
Unfortunately my sister in law isn't local so it was just me this morning but I did as you suggested (as did she) and kept to a few main points which I'd written down.
As I'd hoped, the issue is really only with the one chap as the rest all have dementia in various forms & wouldn't know Dad from one day to the next. Some of them just don't like change. He has fallen out with this one guy & and it absolutely was Dad's fault but without any actual malice (the poor chap's wife had only died 2 weeks before & he wasn't ready for quick fire, blunt & direct questions). The staff knew to keep them apart (but obviously one had forgotten) & he's actually leaving, partly because he's very angry at the world and with being in there & grieving etc so I understand but they have told him he can't be rude to people like that.
The lady who welcomed him can't speak (or very little so you'd need a lot of experience to work it out) & I've not seen her signing or anything. It's such a shame that their individual issues clash because they both love horses.
Dad is currently getting used to a walking frame (I asked about a quad stick after Charles recommended it but they're too worried about him falling). Because it's wider at the bottom he gets tangled in things so just rams at stuff that's in the way expecting it to move! If he wore dark glasses it might remind the other residents of his blindness but he relies on light so see vague outlines. There's absolutely nothing straightforward about any of his issues. Even having his TAVI on his heart, they had to change the route from his main artery because his internal organs are in the wrong place! He's a medical marvel!
The sensory loss advisor has reminded them about putting things in the same place on his plate all the time and they've eventually got into the habit of using a plate guard without having to ask him. I don't know if any of the other residents are dribblers too but Dad often doesn't know that he's god food in his mouth so he either puts more in or starts talking so it all falls out.
Regarding his medication / pain - they did try to dismiss my concerns about him being to my mind 'left in pain' saying they'd dealt with it etc, they couldn't have known, & what did I want. I said that unfortunately for them, my autistic super power was detail and I knew that there were people in the room on that day (one of them being the deputy who was in there with us!) that should have realised his pain wasn't normal and done something about it. I'd forgotten to say that I'd asked several times for an update from the GP, which I hadn't got, but I did stand my ground and say that I wanted reassurance it wouldn't happen again (third time) but also I wanted them to say 'we made a mistake and we're sorry'. There was a brief stand off (which was hard for me because I felt compelled to maintain eye contact) but then she accepted it. Dad is one of the few residents who doesn't have dementia and / or isn't bed bound so they can have banter with him and he is generally well liked. They struggle with the activities but they're working on it and they do sometimes just go and have a chat with him which is the important bit for me.
Generally I feel a lot happier and I do really believe that their intentions are good. They've made steps to make things better for him and to reassure me. They know that I'm hyper-aware and I think they can see why (ASD & previous issues). I also thanked them for things they had done and expressed my respect for their job and how difficult it all is so I think we're all good. Of course they may well have wanted to ring my neck but hey, they don't have to like me really
Unfortunately my sister in law isn't local so it was just me this morning but I did as you suggested (as did she) and kept to a few main points which I'd written down.
As I'd hoped, the issue is really only with the one chap as the rest all have dementia in various forms & wouldn't know Dad from one day to the next. Some of them just don't like change. He has fallen out with this one guy & and it absolutely was Dad's fault but without any actual malice (the poor chap's wife had only died 2 weeks before & he wasn't ready for quick fire, blunt & direct questions). The staff knew to keep them apart (but obviously one had forgotten) & he's actually leaving, partly because he's very angry at the world and with being in there & grieving etc so I understand but they have told him he can't be rude to people like that.
The lady who welcomed him can't speak (or very little so you'd need a lot of experience to work it out) & I've not seen her signing or anything. It's such a shame that their individual issues clash because they both love horses.
Dad is currently getting used to a walking frame (I asked about a quad stick after Charles recommended it but they're too worried about him falling). Because it's wider at the bottom he gets tangled in things so just rams at stuff that's in the way expecting it to move! If he wore dark glasses it might remind the other residents of his blindness but he relies on light so see vague outlines. There's absolutely nothing straightforward about any of his issues. Even having his TAVI on his heart, they had to change the route from his main artery because his internal organs are in the wrong place! He's a medical marvel!
The sensory loss advisor has reminded them about putting things in the same place on his plate all the time and they've eventually got into the habit of using a plate guard without having to ask him. I don't know if any of the other residents are dribblers too but Dad often doesn't know that he's god food in his mouth so he either puts more in or starts talking so it all falls out.
Regarding his medication / pain - they did try to dismiss my concerns about him being to my mind 'left in pain' saying they'd dealt with it etc, they couldn't have known, & what did I want. I said that unfortunately for them, my autistic super power was detail and I knew that there were people in the room on that day (one of them being the deputy who was in there with us!) that should have realised his pain wasn't normal and done something about it. I'd forgotten to say that I'd asked several times for an update from the GP, which I hadn't got, but I did stand my ground and say that I wanted reassurance it wouldn't happen again (third time) but also I wanted them to say 'we made a mistake and we're sorry'. There was a brief stand off (which was hard for me because I felt compelled to maintain eye contact) but then she accepted it. Dad is one of the few residents who doesn't have dementia and / or isn't bed bound so they can have banter with him and he is generally well liked. They struggle with the activities but they're working on it and they do sometimes just go and have a chat with him which is the important bit for me.
Generally I feel a lot happier and I do really believe that their intentions are good. They've made steps to make things better for him and to reassure me. They know that I'm hyper-aware and I think they can see why (ASD & previous issues). I also thanked them for things they had done and expressed my respect for their job and how difficult it all is so I think we're all good. Of course they may well have wanted to ring my neck but hey, they don't have to like me really
