A difficult subject-End of life

Share information, support and advice on all aspects of caring.
147 posts
It may be a very difficult subject for many of us to discuss... but as mentioned - it can help those that have not got there yet to know when the time is coming... I have no experience of death in situ, as I was living overseas when my Mom passed away, and my aunt, and my 3 friends...... and here I am looking after Dad, who could basically drop dead any day from today into a decade ahead... he ups and downs so much, that any advice or experience is definitely something I value - and when the time comes, i will share my own experiences for those after me.
Hi all,
I have been reading and following this thread, but , I hope you all forgive me
because I just cant talk yet. I will join in when I can. right now it's still to raw
and painful for me to think off, my flashbacks have returned recently , of pain
and suffering , so mentally it's not good for me right now. but I hope you all
keep this thread going,
I know it's very important to a lot of people.
(((Hugs))) Minnie, Sorry to hear you are getting lots of flashbacks. After the loss of my husband it seemed that my brain was on some sort of continuous loop, the same things going round and round in my head. I decided that it was the brain trying to adjust to what had happened, I was so glad when the loop finally wore out. I don't think there is anything you can do to hasten the passing of a difficult phase, just try and be kind to yourself whilst it lasts.
Sorry if this is too graphic

My friends dad died a few days ago she was very upset by the noise he made as he passed. I remember it from when hubs died its hard to describe its a bit like a rattle I suppose its as the air leaves the lungs, its something no one seems to know about until they hear it for themselves.
Booksey, I heard that when my father died years ago. My aunt described it as a 'death rattle'. I'm not sure if that's what it's actually called. I've heard others say that their breathing changes.
I posted about this on barrowgirls thread. I cant bear to write it out again as I found it quite painful the first time around, but as it seems to fit I shall copy and paste my original post

Barrowgirl, I was with my MIL when she died, I was holding her hand and stroking her hair, so I could see what happened. For a few hours she had been taking several breaths then there would be a long gap and I wondered if she had gone, only for her to take another large breath and the same cycle would start again. Right at the end she too went blue round her lips and made a noise in her throat - then her face lit up in an enormous smile. She never took another breath and soon started to go white. I was told that the noise she made (the so called "death rattle") didnt mean she was in pain, it was just the way the breathing was stopping.

I hope I havnt upset anyone by posting this.
Hubby never did that. His head shook, like he's never done it before. Then it'd stop, then it'd start again. Totally not what we were expecting, any of us.
My Dad never made that rattling noise. His chest was just heaving up and down, up and down, but he was already dead the doctor said. It was just his nerves battling on bless him.
He died from emphysema.
I helped Mum lay him out. I'll never forget that awful night. I was 17. Image
Crocus , it's hard to talk about this isn't it ? I just hope it gives other people courage if they are with loved ones when they die.Pete, only 17 .That must have very hard.I had a friend who told me she was 15 when she had to help her mum lay her dad out, and all she could remember was her mum making her clean the windows as the doctor was coming and she didn't want her to think she had a dirty house.She had just wanted to sit by her dad ...
Thank you to Crocus, who directed me here. I believe I am facing the end of my darling Dad's life, and I'm finding every day a struggle at the moment, I'm letting my emotions get the better of me. I've used up most of a box of tissues reading this thread! But my goodness, it's made me feel a little less isolated and it's been a privilege to be able read how you all managed this difficult time, and some of the little things (like the Chinese man having an umbrella with him) even made me smile a bit. Because of our faith, we should have the funeral within 48 hours of the time of death, and I know from when my Mum passed away, this can be very frustrating to get all the various agencies and organisations to work in your time-frame rather than theirs. But at least I've been though it once. Thank you to everyone here for telling your stories and adding in the practical stuff, it's really helped me today.
147 posts