A difficult subject-End of life

Share information, support and advice on all aspects of caring.
147 posts
I think its lovely when loved ones have personal things in the coffins, I remember doing a chinese mans funeral and they put in some food in case he was hungry on his final journey, some money in case he needed to use a phone and an umbrella in case it was raining.
Mum went to meet her maker in her best 'bib 'n tucker' with her lippie in her hand, cards from the great-grandchildren and our Mother's Day cards Image

We even took a photo of Mum to the undertakers so they could see how she liked her hair done !
We dressed MIL in the clothes that she got specially and would have worn to my daughters wedding. She was in hospital at the time of the wedding and was dreadfully sorry she didnt make it. She never recovered and had never worn her wedding outfit when she died, so it seemed fitting.
Remember my dear Miss Daisey? When she passed away 3 years ago next week, it was just before we had planned to go away for a holiday. Miss Daisey had bought lots of new clothes ready for our trip but the one dress that everyone was shown was her red dress and new shoes. It therefore seemed only right that when she was dressed for her final journey to see dear uncle Bill was that she wore that dress.

Tony and I were going to surprise her with one of her wedding photographs enlarged and framed for Christmas as it was going to be the first Christmas that they would not have spent together. Here we don't have a long time between death and funeral- we had just one full day and I remember knocking on the door at the photographers and pleading that he did the photo earlier than we had asked so that it could be put in the coffin with her. He actually stayed open late that night for us so that we could have the photo.

Makes me cry just thinking about her now. Being so far away and the fact it was so quick we had no family at the funeral. My sister didn't come. Two Spanish neighbours who had been so kind to my dear Miss Daisey did come to the funeral though. I hope we did her proud. Like so many carers I'm sure, I worry that I could have done more for her. She asked me not to cry but can't keep that promise.

Bell x
Bell x

Mum wanted her "pinny" (apron) in with her. We joked about it but she was adamant, it had to be with her because she always had a clean pinny on every day.
The undertakers got it a bit wrong and instead of it going in with her, she ended up wearing it over the clothes that we had picked out! Think she would have approved anyway. She also asked for her rosary and a letter from me, both of which she got.

While looking through her clothes, her neighbour and I found a tiny first prayer book belonging to my own mum ("mum" as I call her was my grandmother), and some first baby curls in an envelope belonging to my brother (uncle)-they went in too.

Lastly, and this may seem very strange indeed, a small transistor radio. Yep, you read that right-batteries removed of course!
Mum had a small old fashioned radio that she used to listen to Radio 5 every day while she was doing her housework and also when she went to bed at night, it was as much a part of her as her blessed apron.

It was her neighbours suggestion that the radio went in..so it did. Neighbour asked if she could have the other identical radio and as she had been such a wonderful friend and help to me and mum, she got her wish. Image
This has made me wonder what I'd like to be buried in/with. If they weren't so heavy I'd probably choose one of my sewing machines. I've done lots of mad crazy things I've done in my life, but if I ever have some quiet leisure time, it's always sewing which I think of....unless the sun is shining, in which case I'd take my rucksack and go for a walk. Perhaps I'd better take that along for the ride as well? Not sure what I'd wear though. I must remember to leave some instructions on the subject with the solicitor, it might upset my eldest son if I mentioned it now, but I know he'd be really glad when the time comes.
My youngest brother in law was an organiser at a car boot sale. When he passed away I thought his coffin had turned into a stall. Friends and family visited and left something, then others would appear and leave something, but take something too. I just couldn`t believe it.....still can`t.

Families.....totally priceless.xx
Hi , just visiting and found this thread relating to my mum died of dementia thread.I hope I didn't upset anyone with my signs to look for in a dying relative .It was brought about by this :- 3 days before my mum died the carers at her home came into her room carrying a sandwich and a cup of tea !!! My mum hadn't been able to eat solid food for weeks - she was having difficulty swallowing and my sister and I took this to be a bad sign.That's when I had the thought that even the carers didn't know what the signs of death to look for were .If my post helped even one person I thought it was worth it,and those who came after me who bravely posted too.
It may seem morbid but being prepared is far better than wondering I think.

I enjoyed reading this thread - especially the posts about what people put in with their loved ones .My dad used to play Acker Bilk tunes and my mum hated it Image I think she would have liked to take a broken album of his in,as she was laid next to my dad.It would have been her way of saying "I told you I'd get my own way .Try playing it now Image "
Barrowgirl,my Dad had been very ill for several weeks. We had been called into the hospital conutless times as they thought he was going to die.We sat there,and he seemed to keep perking up.
One day we were there and the hospital moved him into a side ward as they felt the end was close. We went home that night,and in the morning I phoned to see how he was,and the nurse said to me,"I don't know how to tell you this, but he has sat up and asked for breakfast,eaten two weetabix, some toast, drunk orange juice and a cup of tea."My husband and I went in to see Dad,within 20 minutes of our visit,he had died.Just gone peacefully in his sleep.Had I known it was so close,we would have stayed.I was a nurse and have seen many people close to death,so would have thought that I would have noticed my own Dad.
When my son died, I put a wooden statue in with him.My mother had been given it by Dad,and she had held it close at difficult times in her life,she then gave it to me. It was always intended to go to my second son after my days, so when he died, I decided it would go in with him.(He also took half my heart with him, but nobody could see that).
Thanks for sharing that Lazydaisy , it must have been so hard to lose your son.At least with my mum she had lived a long life and in that sense it was easier to bear.
best wishes
147 posts