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Carers UK Forum • 93 is a difficult age - Page 2
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93 is a difficult age

Posted: Mon Apr 28, 2014 8:37 am
by Koala
Again, thank you to everyone who has replied. All of the replies have been slowly working their way round my head, and they're having an effect because I feel more hopeful.

I think what I have learnt while caring for Mum is that it's a gradual transition, and my job is to smooth out the bumps. And now there's a bump that I'm not sure I can smooth. A bump that, in effect, means that I have to let go a little. But I've spent my entire adult life caring for animals, and what carried me through that was never letting go, never giving up.

Something that one of you said, or that all of you said, finally penetrated my consciousness. My cat is old, probably the equivalent of Mum's age. For a few months now he's rejected cat food and only wanted dog food. So that's what he gets now. A vet would probably have a fit, but my responsibility is to the cat not a vet. If I can look at it like that for the cat, then I can look at it the same way for Mum.

If Mum is in a limbo land - a place between "this" and "that"- then I shall do everything possible to make it the best limbo land.

I'm sorry this is not much of a reply. My thoughts are everywhere - everywhere but the here and now.

I've just seen Juggler's post and it reminds me very much of something that's been on my mind lately. Mum and Dad lost their first child, a little girl of two and a half. Perhaps a little girl who is somewhere, waiting ...

93 is a difficult age

Posted: Mon Apr 28, 2014 9:11 am
by Anne001
Just sending ((hugs)), Koala. My mum is younger, only 86 but is also in "limbo land", currently in hospital. I too have tried everything to interest her but not much works. The only successful things at the moment are short you-tube videos on ipad - of kittens, babies etc. She can manage to concentrate on that for 2 mins. And she likes the sensation of touch - I massage her hands (she likes lavender creams), do her nails, even facial hair :( . Not much else I can suggest as I agree they are too far gone to appreciate most things.

93 is a difficult age

Posted: Mon Apr 28, 2014 11:14 am
by jenny lucas
Juggler - what a lovely post. I do most sincerely believe that as we near the end of our lives, those who have gone before start calling for us. And I think that, finally, we cannot resist their call. I think, myself, that is why, so often, death comes when those of the family still alive are 'out of the room', because that is the moment when those who have gone ahead have 'louder voices' than we the living do. And so finally the dying person can let go of this life, and make that transition that we must all, I hope, want to be there, to go 'on', our task done here in this world, and a new, and we must hope, a better 'Reality' awaits us....

(I've always loved C S Lewis's Platonic notion of 'Shadowlands' - that the world we live in here is only the image of true 'Reality' - and that death is not a 'going to sleep' but actually a 'waking up'.....)

Kind regards, Jenny

93 is a difficult age

Posted: Mon Apr 28, 2014 12:07 pm
by Juggler
Jenny - I also think that is why the living need to 'give permission' to the dying to leave them. I sat by Dad the day before he passed and assured him that I would be okay, told him what I planned to do with my life when he'd gone, and that it was time for me to hand him back to Mum and that, by going first, she'd given us the time to spend time together and get to know each other.

93 is a difficult age

Posted: Mon Apr 28, 2014 1:05 pm
by Anne001
Aw, Juggler, that's lovely [extra loud sniff]

93 is a difficult age

Posted: Mon Apr 28, 2014 1:10 pm
by susieq
on a similar theme this is what was read out at Mum's funeral

A ship sails and I stand watching
till she fades on the horizon and someone at my side says,

"She is gone!"

Gone where? Gone from my sight, that is all.
She is just as large now as when I last saw her.
Her diminished size and total loss from my sight
is in me, not in her.

And just at the moment when someone at my side says, "She is gone,"
there are others who are watching her
coming over their horizon and other voices
take up a glad shout,

"There she comes!"

That is what dying is;
An horizon and just the limit of our sight.

93 is a difficult age

Posted: Mon Apr 28, 2014 7:19 pm
by g.herschel
my mothers 91 & 26 days I wish I could get back into bed for some well earned sleep.
The attachment DSCN2627.jpg is no longer available
3 weeks ago just after her 90 th birthday Theipval France

93 is a difficult age

Posted: Mon Apr 28, 2014 8:24 pm
by david c
g.herschel wrote:my mothers 91 & 26 days I wish I could get back into bed for some well earned sleep.
DSCN2627.jpg
3 weeks ago just after her 90 th birthday Theipval France
91 years old and you let her mow the lawn ,shame on you george ;)
hope you forgive my little joke.

93 is a difficult age

Posted: Sat May 03, 2014 4:53 pm
by Koala
My mother is rapidly getting worse, barely eating, rarely moving. I am completely on my own, and unwell myself.

93 is a difficult age

Posted: Sat May 03, 2014 5:18 pm
by susieq
Koala wrote:My mother is rapidly getting worse, barely eating, rarely moving. I am completely on my own, and unwell myself.
(((((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))

Is there no-one at all nearby ? I'm not sure just how isolated your area is, but is there not a neighbour or local Doctor that you could call upon ?