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Age-old problem - Carers UK Forum

Age-old problem

Share information, support and advice on all aspects of caring.
I know this is a common problem for anyone, not just carers, but I could do with some inspiration from anyone who's managed to crack this one..
Hubby has not worked for some 12 years after suffering a major heart attack. He's now got multiple chronic problems which means he's unable to do much anymore. Unable to walk more than a few steps etc.
We bought our house with a mortgage taken out when we were both working - some 19 or so years ago. I confess we've extended the mortgage since - mostly to cover increasing debts if I'm honest. To start with I took an extra job to make ends meet and on paper I have a reasonable income (albeit with a 62 hour working week!) but my income has dropped in real terms over the last five years or so thanks to a job evaluation scheme at work, whilst my expenses/costs have gone up. We claim everything we can but at the end of each week, I have about £90 left each week to pay for everyting like food, petrol, birthdays, holidays and more importantly food for the four of us and I'm failing to meet that target with the result that each month I get further and further into debt. Hubby is now at the stage where he needs someone with him 24/7 but I can't provide that care nor can I pay for it. The obvious answer is to move into a smaller property with a smaller mortgage but hubby is really too poorly to cope with a move and his mental state probably wouldn't cope with the stress of a move. I'm not sure I can either to be honest. Not an unsuual story, but how have others overcome this situation.
Liz, I think you need to talk to CAB or a money advice service that can help you to look at your finances and keep the banks away from the door first.
Hi Lizk,

we had much the same problem before Jill's mini strokes three years ago.
The most important thing to make sure you pay is the mortgage. That way you keep your roof over your head. Utility bills next and of course food bills.
Things like credit cards can take a back seat. It's worth ringing them up and telling them you cant pay and they 'might' give you a holiday or let you pay reduced payments. Keeping them informed is the best form of attack.
As Charles says though, the C.A.B. is a very good idea.

Moving house might be your only option, but it's very stressful, I should know, I've done it eight times! Unfortunately the last time was into rented accommodation. We had always owned our own houses all our married life, but the mini strokes finished us off and our only answer was to go bankrupt. Then all the worries about crippling debt were swept away with one foul swoop. The relief was tremendous. We had been in debt since 1981 and it just spiraled until it was out of controll.
I wouldn't go to one of these debt management companys, there a waste of space and only after your money really. Quite often they leave you in a worse off position.

Thank God our nightmare has ended. I really hope you can get soughted out very soon.

Take care,

Lizk I think we can all understand your problem unfortunatley no easy solutions other than the lottery ( already to many of us hoping for that one. Note to self must actually buy a ticket) and of course Pete's approach altrough I am sure the actual process is not at all easy. So just wanted to say best of luck and go to CAB not someone offereing to solve all your problems as they are con artists!
The one site which I have found to be very helpful is:
Why not write to the credit card companies offering them a token payment of say £5 a month till things buck up a bit that way you will have some breathing space.
These are very good, National Debtline
They provide letter templates too. However, even with help from organisations like this, like others have said, always best to contact CAB
I used these when i first became a carer .
I cannot praise them highly enough and they are well known to most credit companies and trusted by them.
So they accept there opinions on what you can reasonably afford to pay.
They will also simply offer you advice if thats all you want.