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10 words to describe your caring role - Page 5 - Carers UK Forum

10 words to describe your caring role

Share information, support and advice on all aspects of caring.
A continuing learning curve and intrinsic evidenced element of love.
That's what I believe too SessexR ..... Loving:caring:same thing.

The only thing worth hanging onto when we are up to our arses in alligators. We must not forget that the original intention was to drain the swamp.
Sussex and Rocks - you are fortunate. I don't mean that cynically in the least, but for me, the person who is needing my care is my MIL. I am very fond of her, I would never, ever, want her to suffer or have a rubbish quality of life, and I really do feel for her situation (89, one son dead, the other divorced, with heart disease, living in the USA and she hasn't seen him since my husband's funeral, and she is too frail to visit, and she has been a widow herself for 30 years) etc, BUT, because I do not 'love' her (as say, I loved my mother), I know that she does not have 'heart strings' to me....

In one way, having that distance makes it easier for me to 'withstand' (ie, be hardhearted about!) her 'needs and wants' (let alone 'hopes')(which I suspect boil down to 'living with DIL for rest of my life and being looked after and taken out to shops and lunch and sightseeing and all laundry and meals provided and company and cups of tea etc etc, but not being dragged to hairdresser to have hair done because it's my choice to have filthy hair and not wash my teeth or shower if I don't want to'.........................)

But on the other hand, it also means that I am more naturally 'resistant' to her, in terms of simply not feeling as 'sorry' for her as I would if she were my own mother (with all those heartstrings!) so that I am therefore fundamentaly less compassionate towards her than I would be if she were my mother. I know I would find it easier to 'accept my caring role' if she were my mother, because my love would pull me towards her and I would find caring more enjoyable because it would be my mother I was caring for. It would be easier in practical terms too, as what one can say to one's mother is not what one can say to one's MIL! (see stuff about her refusing to go to the hairdresser etc - what can I do or say if she won't? If she were my mother I'd be blunt - but to my MIL I have to be 'tactful'....).

Bottom line, because I am not her daughter I am considerably less tolerant of her foibles than if she were my mother.

Even worse bottom line, I wouldn't 'fight to keep her alive against the odds' as I would if she were my mother, simply because I do not love her. (It will be interesting to see how I do actually react 'when that time comes'....I suspect I'll be a LOT more upset than I am sounding I will be now!)

Crocus - thank you for PM. I've answered it, but not clear if it's reached you! (Ditto for Bowling bun a few days ago).

Im afraid Ive not received it, Jenny.
Crocus, I'll try again with the PM - I wondered if they were getting through - it's not the easiest messaging system to use! I have to type in your name (which I did) even though I'm only replying to an existing message - I'll give it another go.

(Just read my message about my MIL above, and it seems so horrible and nasty I feel ashamed of myself. I really am v. fond of her even if it doesn't sound like it - and we are both united by our love for my husband/her son, and my son/her grandson, which is an unbreakable bond between us.) It really does 'come and go' though, as sometimes it all feels so nice and cosy with her, and then sometimes I feel myself snapping like taut elastic inside - guess that's caring for you! )(also - brilliant - she had a shower this morning AND washed her own hair and she looks so, so much better! Image (Plus I am drivng her home tomorrow - though I know she isn't too thrilled about it, but she has been with me non-stop for a month, and I really have to have a break now and 'get on' with a million things of my own!)(sorry in advance to all of you who think 'A lousy month??? Just wait, Jenny....just you wait....wait till you are counting YEARS....)
OK, I give in - how on EARTH do you get a message OUT of your Outbox and post it off to the recipient???????????Doesn't seem to be ANYTHING to press 'send' from the outbox - yet in the Sent file there is no sign it's been sent.

You don't get a message out of your outbox. When the recipient reads the message it automatically goes from your outbox to your sent box. Image
It is a long time since we had this thread and have many new members since that may want to contribute. Even members that have been here for some time may find the words they chose last time have changed. Whether for better/worse remains to be seen.

So 10 words...or less....which would you use to describe your caring role and how you feel? All positive/negative? A mix of both...???

x x
caring means sacrifice, love in action, and putting ourselves last.

restricting (very)
boring (frequently)
draining (emotionally and physically)
all consuming (at times)
funny (occaisionally)
inevitable (because i love the people i care or cared for)

Struggling after 8 words and none of them very positive. Would i choose to be a carer, well obviously not looking at that list, that i am, and have been for most of my adult life, is testament i suppose to how much i love and respect the people i care and have cared for. When you love someone what happens to them happens to you but it doesnt stop you hating what their illness has done to all your lives.