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Carers UK Forum • Not being able to cope
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Not being able to cope

Posted: Fri Nov 19, 2021 9:18 pm
by Rebecca_21031
I am a carer but I struggle to care for my partner. He has been aggressive and arrested and is now in a mental health unit. He gets aggressive on the phone and is being manipulative and lying. The social worker is saying he should come home but we are very worried about whe he comes home. I need advice and help

Re: Not being able to cope

Posted: Fri Nov 19, 2021 11:02 pm
by bowlingbun
Hi Rebecca, welcome to the forum. I don't know a lot about your sort of situation I'm afraid, others will be along presently to help, but I couldn't ignore your post, you sound rightly worried.
Whatever the cause, domestic abuse is unlawful.

You should feel safe at home.
Who else lives wth you?
Can you record what he says to you on your phone?
Others have found this a useful way of showing what is really going on, as opposed to what they think is going on.
Is anyone talking to you, as carer, to get your side of what has happened?
Have they made any plans for discharge yet, especially measures to put in place to help you?

Re: Not being able to cope

Posted: Sat Nov 20, 2021 8:30 am
by sunnydisposition
Hi & welcome Rebecca

The social worker is saying he should come home
The social worker isn't going to be living with him. You are and you should not be coerced is to doing something you are uncomfortable with.
Have you ever spoken to Mind UK if not a good place to start.
https://www.mind.org.uk/

Re: Not being able to cope

Posted: Sat Nov 20, 2021 10:27 am
by eastendgirl
Hi @Rebecca_21031

You are right to be concerned about what will happen if your husband returns home, particularly if he is being aggressive over the phone. Just because he has mental health problems, it doesn't justify his abusive behaviour towards you. Please also check out:- https://survivorsforum.womensaid.org.uk

There is a lot of very useful information and links plus an anonymous forum where you can get advice and support from women living with abuse. They also have a helpline you can ring to speak in confidence to someone for advice: 0808 200 0247
I would really recommend speaking to the helpline before you agree to have your husband home again. As sunnydisposition said, it isn't the social worker who is going to be living with him.

Your first priority is to make sure that you are safe.

Kind thoughts
E