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Hip Replacement at 86, neighbour and relative issues.

Posted: Thu Mar 21, 2019 12:12 pm
by Elizabeth_1602123
Hi I've been on here before and explained that I'm my Mums carer, she is housebound and in over 20 years has seen her brother 4x and he lives 25 minutes away! She only has me really as she wont go to a day centre or groups etc.
Anyway, we have the next door neighbour who keeps coming round and offloading all her problems onto my Mum and me. the neighbour is in her late 70s and is a carer herself and is wanting her brother to go into a home, he has some type of dementia. She will come round for maybe 3 hours at a time and be going on about it all in great depth. I cant cope with the neighbour and I busy myself or try to change the subject etc. However, she just talks over you. Would it be unreasonable of me to suggest that she goes for counselling? or would you just go out/ make yourself scarce? My Mum can cope with her better than me. Its got so bad that I don't like bringing the bin in at the same time as her because she tries to collar me and wont stop talking.
My Mums got a date for a hip replacement but she is at higher risk of having a stoke/heart attack because she has high blood pressure and a bad heart and a lump in her neck. She still wants it done, so its upto her but I cant stop worrying about it. She also been poorly with cellulitis recently as well.Its the constant worry thats getting me down really.She having an epidural with sedation and the G.P has told me not to worry as no one knows at this point what will happen etc.

Re: Hip Replacement at 86, neighbour and relative issues.

Posted: Thu Mar 21, 2019 2:08 pm
by bowlingbun
Mum is very unlikely to have surgery until the cellulitis has cleared up.
As far as the neighbour is concerned, her behaviour and intrusion into your life. You are going to have to be tough. Don't let her in the house. Lock the door if necessary. Say things like "I'm sorry, it's not convenient at the moment."

Give her the phone number for Social Services who should be doing a Carers Assessment for her. Do you think she is in mental decline?

Re: Hip Replacement at 86, neighbour and relative issues.

Posted: Thu Mar 21, 2019 2:29 pm
by D_1706
Does your Mum like her neighbour. If she enjoys the company then you may just have to make yourself scarce and tell her you're very busy (caring, perhaps) whenever you see her.

Re: Hip Replacement at 86, neighbour and relative issues.

Posted: Thu Mar 21, 2019 2:47 pm
by bowlingbun
Sorry, I forgot to say earlier that a friend of mine had a hip replacement under sedation/epidural, and she was fine, despite being a "high risk" patient.

Re: Hip Replacement at 86, neighbour and relative issues.

Posted: Thu Mar 21, 2019 3:52 pm
by Elizabeth_1602123
Thank you for your replies, the cellulitis has cleared up now after 2 weeks worth of antibiotics.
My Mum does like the neighbour but shes a lot more tolerant than me. She never has a bad word to say about anybody ever! The neighbour isn't in mental decline I don't think, shes just self obsessed and its all about her and her family. She doesn't understand that its rude to talk for 3 hours about her stuff without letting you say anything. So me and my Mum are just saying yes, yes, no and nodding etc!! I will see how it goes and continue to make myself scarce. If I'm really not in the mood I will have to say we are too busy etc.

Shes always boasting as well, saying things like all my daughters are very high earners, we are going to a party and its an 8 bedroomed house, image that!. Your getting there, she says when I decorated a room. :roll:
At the beginning of April my Mum has to see the consultant at the pre assessment. Shes been waiting over 18 months for this operation because she was taken off the original waiting list because of extra tests etc.