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Feeling angry - Carers UK Forum

Feeling angry

For issues related to specific conditions and disabilities.
My hubby has front lobe brain damage from a stroke and over the last 12 months is getting worse. He has breakfast at 7am , lunch at 9.45 and wants his tea at 4pm. Gets really anxious if we don’t stick to these times but 9 times out of 10 half way through eating says I can’t eat this. The minute he puts his knife and fork down after tea he goes to bed. Also I have to tell him to shower every day and when he does he’s in it for 30 seconds max. If I watch him he gets mad. I feel so bad because everything he does makes me angry I know he can’t help it but it’s so hard. Does anyone else get angry
Hello Marie , welcome to the forum
My late husband had strokes, then sadly vascular dementia. I realised after a while, that I wasn't angry with my lovely hubby but angry at the situation his illness had put us in. Angry that we couldn't be as we were, unable to enjoy retirement as we should. Once I understood that, I was no longer angry. ( Well rarely). I went along with what he said, It's not always easy.
Do you get any help, or respite? Has the stroke society been in touch with you?
Without him knowing - what are the chances you can change the times.
sunnydisposition wrote:
Mon May 18, 2020 5:31 pm
Without him knowing - what are the chances you can change the times.
Sneaky! :D

Have two identical clocks (or more) showing different times and switch them as necessary - put a lower voltage battery in a clock, should slow it down, (some experimentation may be required).

Yes, I get angry too: take yesterday, (I didn't actually get angry, so I must be getting better) we went for a CV19 test - I squirted some hand sanitiser into the palm of my wife's hand, she began to wipe her hands but held them upright, most of the sanitiser dripped off onto her lap - she was completely unaware, (and usually is of anything like that happening), almost totally incompetent and inept at everything she does now.

I've spent my entire working life as self employed, to be successful at that you have to be competent and efficient, it becomes a way of life, it drives me mad that she is now so sloppy.
Marie, are you claiming any disability benefits for your husband?
Did you know that he has been exempt from Council Tax on the grounds of Severe Mental Impairment? Some people have claimed back massive amounts, over £9,000!!

Are Social Services aware of your situation?
Pet66 you’re right I’m angry because the man I married is no longer there. It’s just some days I could scream. I want our life together back but it’s never going to be
Bowling bun yes we get attendance allowance and he doesn’t pay council tax. Can’t involve social services he won’t talk to anyone or even move out of the house
No chance of changing times he gets so anxious
Are you linked to any charities or organisation for brain injury.

https://www.headway.org.uk/about-brain- ... in-injury/
Marie, as a carer you are entitled to support in your own right from Social Services.

I nearly had a breakdown, had counselling that made me see I had no life of my own as I was too busy trying to please everyone else. Does that sound familiar? You have a right to a life of your own, no one can force you to care, and sadly things are only ever going to get worse, not better.

You cannot always do what your husband wants. Was he always very controlling, or is this just since he became ill?

How old are you and your husband? You cannot live your life being totally tied down, it sounds like you are not getting any decent sort of break at all. When did you last have a complete break, a 2 week holiday?

Pet, a previous poster, had to make the heart wrenching decision for her husband to move into residential care, and I'm afraid you are going to have to make a similar decision at some stage. It is not what you or anyone else would WANT but he now NEEDS a lot of care and support.
My own mum spent the last year in residential care because she was simply too frail to live at home. I know how awful the decision is, but your post and anger shows just how much the current situation has upset your mental health, because you are worn out, exhausted, and grieving the husband that you have lost in spirit, if not in body. Please don't end up having a breakdown before you have help.