Re: Complete Change after Brain Injury
Posted: Sun Dec 02, 2018 5:09 pm
Gareth_18081 wrote: ↑Thu Aug 16, 2018 10:18 pmHi, my wife suffered a brain injury in September last year and has lost 50% of her vision but i have been caring for her for nearly 5 1/2 years now. She also has Lupus.
We have moved into a bungalow from our house of 9 years which we loved and both cried when we had to leave as my wife struggled with stairs. Its a new start and we will try to make the best of it and i get support from my family and her mum but part of me feels my family partly resent my wife for putting this pressure on me everyday in looking after her and changing my life forever as she was once a well woman although i may be being too harsh or even completely wrong i dont know! and her mum doesnt really get how day to day we are both affected. I too have feelings of wanting away but i love my wife although i feel like a carer nowadays and not a husband. I feel so guilty to think like this. I get carers allowance and luckily we are ok in that respect but id swap it all tomorrow for a normal life with my wife. She always tells me to walk away and sometimes we argue partly down to my frustrations but mostly due to her changes in attitude from her brain injury and she can be very cruel at times and very hurtful.
Any advice would be great!
Without my partner/carer I would not survive or be able to carry on. My family are not bothered and wrapped up in their materialistic world.
Underneath all of my personality changes I'm still here and I remember most of the past. I wonder how people cope around me knowing how volatile I can be.
I am so volatile I've lost it in shops when my partner had a problem and staff or a manager were rude or aggressive with her. Ive had the police called on a couple of occasions.
These combined triggers are fairly common with brain injuries:
Gareth I know how when all three of those items are present that I can become really nasty and unpleasant. I don't even realise that I am doing it because my head is do tired, I'm hungry and in a high level of pain. It's like tunnel vision.
Ive become a virtual recluse because I know how I can be and I don't want to inflict me on anyone else.
My partner has her brain and spinal health problems and she can become very nasty and foul mouthed too. I can see the signs before hand so I can do things to avert or to avoid the fall out. She is the same with me.
There are times I wanted to walk away. I did once and it pains me very greatly that I did. I came back to her a few days later. I couldn't leave her to cope on her own. When she phoned me she was in bits.
Who was I to judge her?
I still feel the pain of what I did to her by leaving. We learned to work around each other and learned to recognise each others signs.
It is hard to tell someone that you need them and that you can't live without them. Too complex emotions to say those things and not feel like a budren or want to be a burden.
I will tell you the truth that on your own you have two chances. Slim and none.
There are many organisations and individual people who see you as an easy target just because you are disabled and on your own. The authorities will take you down. The world changed in the last couple of decades and too few actually care.
Society became increasingly polarised with the selfless and the selfish.
There is a much greater spiritual side of our lives that most people don't consider.
Some people call it karma, ying and yang etc
I know my partner would struggle on her own without my support. The authorities would more than likely take her apart without me to support her because they can and they will. My family wouldn't help her and her family wouldn't either. My personal stance is no matter how hard it gets I will not walk away again.
Sometimes you don't get even one chance to go back.
But sod everyone else's opinions. Plenty of judges out there. Be your own council in these things because only you know the truth. Your head can be decieved in all sorts of situations but your heart cannot.