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Old age - Carers UK Forum

Old age

For issues related to specific conditions and disabilities.
How odd, that we do not have a specific section of this forum looking at policies around old age! But "our public policy and health approach has the wrong mindset; it is death denying and does not give old people what they want".

See this thoughtful article: Alan Sinclair: Trying to fix the age-old problem of elderly care
Scotsman 04.11.11 http://www.senscot.net/view_art.php?viewid=11698
Its an interesting article Scally. As usual though I think everyone will pussy foot around the issue because the topic of death and the inevitable end of life is always the elephant in the room.
I want an easy out when my own time comes, and I am seriously pissed off with anyone who want to stop me. To my mind, once I cant swim a length at the pool or walk to town to pick up the groceries, then that is a good time to say goodbye. I do not wish to have my bum wiped four times a day or to be spoonfed by some bored, low paid, operative. Bang bang!
an interesting article. I want an easy way out too.
I still feel sad about the weeks prior to my Dad's death last year. he had a DNR(do not resuscitate) notice,that had been updated just a couple of months earlier, first put into place ten years prior to that.He was brought back to life twice in A and E, because they cannot let someone die with dignity,until two Drs in hospital have authorised the DNR. My husband,sister and I sat there all day watching Dad,knowing that if he had been allowed to go it would have been with the dignity had had all his life. Instead he lived for another six weeks, confused,scared,incontinent at times and very very ill.We were called in at least four times in those weeks,because staff thought he was going to die.
There was an interesting article in the Daily Mail today, about a woman whose mum has made up her mind to die when she got to 70.She wanted to go before the trials of old age set in.
She told her daughter she was going to do it, and her daughter had to live with it for years.When it came time, she was unable to persuade her mother otherwise.She checked into a hotel with vodka and pills and successfully ended her life.

Visiting my 91 year old incontinent dementia ridden mum who hardly recognises anyone and can barely speak,you have to wonder.... if she could have found a way out earlier before she was so infirm and mentally isolated,I wonder what she'd have done? every time we leave my hub says to me "no sodding way ,shoot me first....." partly because he wouldn't be able access his lager Image and partly because he doesn't consider it living.
My grandmother was fit and healthy well into her 80's and lived independently until she had a fall and moved to a warden controlled bungalow where she lived happily for a good few years. She then had another fall and her children started discussions on whether she should be in a care home and where she should be as they were all dispersed around the country. My grandmother didn't want to be in a home, nor did she want to move from where she had lived all her life.
Her death certificate says heart failure, but many of the family are convinced she willed herself to die, simply because if she couldn't live how she wanted, she didn't want to live at all.
Myrtyle - I just wanted to say I love your signature ( blessed are the cracked as they in the light ) Image When one of my kids tells me I'm mad I say your line to them and they laugh !!
I think my dad willed himself to die - he despised old age even when he was semi mobile with all his faculties.In the end he had a few strokes and he couldn't swallow any more.The nurse came in and gave him a shot in his chest " to help his breathing " and he just slowly stopped breathing right in front of us.It was a mercy as he'd begged the doctors to make him die.I often wonder what was in that shot.
thank you Image
According to my family I've always been cracked, so it's very apt Image Image Image
Some Drs and nurses seem to think it is a failure on their part if any one dies. We are still into denial that death is inevitable. i was told that 'one should not strive officiously to keep alive'.The scenario you paint of ignoring DNR is very worrying but I know it happens and causes a lot of suffering and expensive use of NHS resources.Better education of medical and nursing personnel must be the answer.That is why i support cares UK in their campaign to get Carers to register with their GPs and get GPs to work in partnership with Carers so that those with Long Term Conditions have an Emergency Plan in place that can be accessed by the Out of Hours team and sensible decisions taken to keep people at home if at all possible and to stay in hospital as short a time as possible.
bridget leech
Dear Bridget
In our case we have found an appalling attitude in some of the medical profession regarding young people like my son who live with terminal conditions but who have lived longer than was expected. There is no provision for such people as my son in this country. The attitude of one doctor when we went to the "Living and Dying Well" conference in Stirling was and I quote "...we shouldn't be wasting money on people who are going to die.." Well if thats the case we shouldn't be wasting money on anybody then because everybody is eventually going to die!

Young men who have Duchenne and who live in Denmark have life expectancies of 40 and beyond. In this dump of a country they are still dying at 19 or younger. People like my son ar just not valued by this country. It seems to be that if you are going to die you best do it quickly and don't cost any money while you are doing it.

I really really don't want to cause offence but most elderly people have had a life - my son and his friends have not had and will not have such. Image