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BPD - Carers UK Forum

BPD

For issues related to specific conditions and disabilities.

BPD

I live with 20 year old BPD; she is 6 months into DBT therapy; I really cant stand her anymore; she effectively stops me leaving London, and creating a new life for myself; if I get close to leaving she freeks out; recently screamed I should die. She means it; the blame towards me is absolute.
I rally don't like her anymore. I love her. But I now do not like her; that is why I need to get out of the toxic situation of living with her.....
BUT
will she suffer alone, at home? ( she has no friends in London at the moment)……. and surrender to suicidal ideation?
I feel like I'm suffocating
Feel like my life is over.
I have no hope or fight left.
I am a recluse now; I had my future retirement planned out; but now I have to be around to watch her back; and support her if she has a bad day.
Now I have so many bad days too.
catch 22
Q: am I empowering her BPD by staying close, against my will; and she knows it?
or …… can I safely leave her alone?
As I write, every part of my being wants to run, and stay, at the same time. I feel like I'm losing my mind. My friends tell me
they remember when I was happy ….. I don't.
Carol,
you have every right to leave.

There is definitely a difference between being supportive and inadvertently aiding someone to stay as they are.

I don't know much about your daughters (?) condition but it sounds like she is very controlling. I would think it better to make the move whilst she is being seen regularly by her therapist. Perhaps you could write to her DBT therapist and let them know your plans. That way they can be there to prepare and support her. Perhaps you could gradually withdraw - giving less support and being less available to help her transition from having you on call 24/7 to seeing you less often too.

Melly1